


In Love and War

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A self-depreciating werewolf, Complete, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Marauder snark, Moony is head over heels, and self-acceptance, learns love, minor character death by the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:49:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22809214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Following the love story of Remus John Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks through HP books 5-7. Mostly canon-based, but will diverge with some events.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 228
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my WIP! Of Love and War is completely written and I'm excited and scared, but mostly excited to share with you! It's a labor of love that would not have been possible without the help of alpha readers LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist and beta CourtingInsanity.   
LK and Frump--you make my words better and actually make sense. I'd have stopped writing ages ago without the love and support of you both <3   
CourtingInsanity, you know I love you, friend! thank you so much for everything!! 
> 
> This fic has been rated M for some language and mild sexual content.
> 
> Chapter one begins just before the first events of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own no part of the Harry Potter franchise and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

To say Remus Lupin was a contented wizard-slash-werewolf at the moment would be an overstatement. An egregious overstatement, at that. 

Namely because he hated sneezing almost as much as Moony did. 

And that seemed to be all he’d done in the last half hour of cleaning through this room furthest back from the stairs on the second highest floor at Grimmauld Place. A room that would probably never be used by the Order of the Phoenix, and would likely only serve as a testing room for Fred and George and their clever products—

“ _ Find twins. Make them clean room.”  _

“Molly’s already got them cleaning the kitchen,” Remus snapped before holding his breath and swiping at his nose with his sleeved arm. He’d be damned if his body gave into  _ another _ fit of sneezes. He took a shallow breath through his mouth, commanding two of the four levitating rags to a collection of ornate lamps. “We’re almost done anyways.” 

“ _ Don’t care. Your fault we’re here. And always sneezing.”  _

Remus’ mouth fell open for a smart retort, but a distinct tickle climbing up the back of his throat—clawing, really— had him regretting his temper with his werewolf instantly.

“AH… AH-CHOOOOOO!!!” A deep sniff. Followed by a thoroughly put out, “ugh.” 

“ _ Hate dust. Hate house.” _

Remus couldn’t help the eye roll at his petulant counterpart. “I’ll have you remember it was  _ your  _ idea to find Padfoot in the first place.” With a flick of his wrist he shook the other two rags in the air, fully prepared for the four, no,  _ five _ , consecutive sneezes to overtake him next. “Insisted even, Moony. And here we are.” He waved dramatically about the room, a loud sneeze bouncing off the walls.

He blinked rapidly as he sniffed again. “At least we’re of some use again.” 

“ _ Hate dust. Padfoot understands.”  _

Impossible. Truly insufferable. This constant battle of a secondary personality residing within his mind was exhausting at times—most of the time—and even more so now with the constant presence of Sirius to not only encourage the werewolf, but egg him on… 

And then there was this matter of weeks of endless cleaning when he wasn’t—

“Think this room’s had enough torture yet?” 

“Wha— _ AH CHOOO _ !” 

“Gesundheit.” 

Remus blinked several times, forcing the water to recede from his eyes as he swallowed every last expletive forming in his throat. 

Because of course it would be a pair of bright, steel grey eyes twinkling at him from the threshold of the door. 

Of course it would be those luscious pink lips bending in an arresting smile. 

Of course it would be that perfect heart-shaped face canted in an amused sort of way at finding him here.

In clouds and clouds of unsettled dust and floating rags. In one of the furthest back rooms of the house. That no one else would ever be likely to enter, certainly not for Order purposes. 

It occurred to him that he hadn’t moved from his spot in the middle of the room, hadn’t done much beyond blink at  _ her _ for the span of time since he’d sneezed, and Nymphadora’s smile had taken on this familiar sort of teasing smugness that he’d seen in Sirius when… 

“Sorry!” he burst, bringing an immediate halt to  _ that _ train of thought. This was neither the time nor the place to remember Sirius chasing skirts back in the day… He gave a thick swallow and shook his head, dragging a hand through his thinning hair. “Apologies, I missed your question before the dust decided to attack my nose.” 

“Is that what happened, then?” She chuckled and stuffed her hands in the pockets of her Auror robes as she entered the room, mouth still bowed in a smile that Moony had begun to drool over, and Remus… 

Merlin help him. Remus could only offer back one of the most pathetically crooked and awkward smiles he’d ever smiled in his life…

“Yes,” he somehow managed. “Nose is a bit sensitive to things, and the dust in this house…” He snapped his mouth shut, waving about the room and gesturing to the open door. “Well, Sirius’ mum never liked me, and I suppose this is her way of still finding ways to punish me from the grave.” 

Bollocks, that hadn’t been what he’d intended to say.  _ At all _ . Because Nymphadora was like Sirius in despising discussing family history, and now he’d gone and started it… 

But to his great surprise, she was laughing now. Not an irritating titter that was more pandering than anything else, but really and truly laughing. From out of nowhere he’d made this witch— whom he’d been keeping a respectable distance from for the last several months—laugh. 

“ _ Love her…”  _ Moony crooned, to which Remus responded with a snapping silent retort that Moony was being ridiculous. He was honestly near the point of balling his hands into tight fists, just for added measure of reigning a petulant Moony in, when the witch snorted. 

Out loud. 

Colour flooded to her cheeks as she realised what she’d done, her hair turning a violent shade of red, hands flying to hide her face. 

“Are you… are you all right?” Remus asked when she’d stood stock still for several soundless moments. 

A groan followed by a sigh. Then, “Yes.” Her hands fell from her face and she seemed to be struggling to meet his gaze for a fraction of a moment before squaring her shoulders and smiling at him again. “Suppose you’ve seen me make more of a fool of myself by this point, but there are times I just wish I could be a little less Dad and a bit more Mum.” 

“Ah.” Nothing about Remus hesitated now as he took one step towards her. And another. Because how could he not when she was feeling this way? “While I often find myself in a similar situation of wishing I could be less of what I am and more of who I want to be, I’d like it to go on record that I find you to be charmingly unique.” 

“ _ And pretty. And good smelling. And funny. And…”  _

Moony prattled on but Remus didn’t give him another thought as he continued to hold Nymphadora’s stare. They were two clumsy souls in need of someone to fall into and reassure them at their weakest moments… 

And he needed to  _ not _ think anything along those lines again.  _ Ever.  _

“Thank you, Remus,” she said, breaking the fuzzy spell between them as she turned her attention to her hair, fiddling with the long red locks before scrunching her nose and forcing it back to their usual cropped pink. “So, I think all this started with me interrupting your cleaning by asking if you thought the room had been tortured enough already, but with the reminder of just how awful my darling grandmother was, I’d say you’ve every right to lay a cleaning siege on any room in the house. At least as much as Sirius, though…” she suddenly frowned, her head tossing left and right before she flicked her wand at the direction of a set of curtains beyond them. “Was there a reason you insisted upon doing this in the dark?” 

“It wasn’t  _ completely _ dark.” 

“Nearly so.” She snorted, but Moony took care to note there was a distinct sparkle in her dark eyes… Or perhaps it was Remus who was making note of that, too. “Have you developed an allergy to the sun since the last time we were really together?” 

“Together?” Remus all but choked and swallowed his tongue at the mere word. He’d kept to talking with her in the presence of other Order members while occupying this house with Sirius, lest Moony get the better of him in a moment of weakness. And before that, they’d never…  _ He’d never _ … She’d only been a child before this… He hadn’t even recognised her two months ago, and—

“Yes, you remember… don’t you?” 

Heart still pounding against his ribcage, his mind was blank even as Moony had taken to snapping they  _ should _ … “Sorry,” he managed, shaking his head. “You’ll have to refresh my memory, Nymphadora.” 

“Tonks,” she corrected, though the usual bite at hearing her given name was missing.  _ Curious. _ She took several steps in the direction of the lamp table, giving a wide berth to the stack of boxes in the middle of the room. “It was at the seaside,” she said. “The Potters invited Mum and Dad to join them for a lunch picnic, and you were swimming with James, Sirius and…” She trailed off, casting him a sad smile over her shoulder. “Well, Peter, too.” 

He nodded, swallowing an inexplicable lump in his throat, more a sign she should continue, as he still had no recollection of said day. “Go on,” he urged when she kept looking at him with eyes full of pity and sorrow. Two emotions he was quite sure he never wanted from this witch.    
  
“I suppose nothing too special happened that day.” She shrugged, turning back to the lamps, tracing a delicate finger over an especially large and gaudy one in the shape of dragonhead, of all things. “You lot kept to the water, ate most of the food and then some. Then took back to the water. Mum was trying to teach me to swim, and I remember overhearing Sirius and James threatening to splash us or something, but you told them to let us be.” 

Remus stood still like a buffoon, frozen and thinking, and it was Moony who leapt to the front of his mind, barking like mad. “ _ Moon,”  _ he snapped. “ _ Lake before moon.” _

Memories flooded over him, bathing his mind with something warm and soothing. Something fun that tickled at his heart. “Sirius was about to command a wall of water over you and your mother and it dumped over him instead.” He was laughing now, scratching his stubbled chin. “Swept both him and James nearly to shore as I now recall.” 

“Mmm. Thanks, by the way.” 

“You’re welcome.” He was about to feign innocence, but what was the point? Especially when she was bearing a crooked smile at him, and it was all too easy to slip into the role of hero. 

_ Hero _ . Him. Remus John Lupin.

Moony beamed and had begun prancing, lowering Remus’ inhibition to say… almost anything partially revealing or embarrassing, really… but it was just about then Nymphadora had wanted to take a closer inspection at the table of lamps, colliding with them instead, all four gaudy ceramic creations shattering to dozens of pieces on the faded carpeted floor…

Leading the Weasley twins and Sirius to Apparate with loud ‘ _ pops’  _ outside the door. 

And it was entirely imperative for Remus to force Moony back to the confined spaces of his mind as he avoided Sirius’s keen and curious gaze. 

Because there was nothing. Nothing at all. 

And Sirius would only be determined to make something of nothing. 

* * *

“And just what were you and my cousin up to in a forgotten and otherwise abandoned room of the house?” The tone was far from protective and had all the trade ticks and laughing edges of a meddlesome twat. 

Hang Sirius. 

An easy smirk curled up Moony’s jaw, something akin to a growl ringing in Remus’ ears… 

Well, Moony could hang, too. Remus was ready to curse whatever hippogriff shite Merlin and all the Fates passed for luck in this universe, down to the deepest of chasms of the underworld. 

“Nothing,” Remus muttered, stuffing his hands in his pockets, his shoulders hunching of their own accord. 

“Certainly didn’t appear to be nothing.” Sirius had never been one to let things go. He continued, “Not when an entire table of Mother’s favourite vases from that ridiculous antique shop in Paris was shattered.”

“That was—”

“Cleaning rags littering random spots about the room—” 

“She surprised me—”

“Oh, I’m sure she did. Tonks is nothing if not—”

“ _ Enough, mate!” _ Remus was glaring at his friend now, jaw tight, hands clenched in his pockets. 

The desired effect of a silenced Sirius was achieved, but it felt a moot victory. His grey eyes twinkled under an arched brow, mouth twisting in a crooked grin. 

As if Remus’ reaction had been exactly what he’d been pushing for all along. 

And Remus suddenly felt too old and tired for whatever was to come of this in the future. A lifetime ago they could have, and  _ would  _ have, dueled out frustrations. Or settled matters as Moony and Padfoot with James as the faithful stag to come between them when things got too rough. 

But now,  _ now _ … 

This moment only served to show Remus things were in motion that were utterly inevitable. 

Sirius’ head cocked to the side as he shrugged a shoulder and stepped past Remus. “She’d be good for you and to you, I think,” he said without looking back. “And so does Moony.” 

Remus remained for a moment more, gathering himself in the isolation of the hallway, all the noises and voices of a full household feeling a world away as Remus sorted through and accepted what it seemed the present now held for him. 

Tonks was a brilliant Auror and valued member of the Order. She would continue to be a daily presence in his life. And Sirius would tease by any means at any given time. 

So Remus would continue to control himself and fight to keep Moony in check…

Or volunteer for any and all errands Dumbledore asked of them. 

Moony uttered a low sound that seemed between a mournful howl and growl. A sound that Remus felt deep in his bones. 

But it was nothing he wasn’t already used to. 

* * *

Loud. Chaotic.  _ Riotous _ . 

It never ceased to amaze Remus how the world could turn on its head and everything could go from almost routine, nearly  _ ordinary _ , to mass pandemonium. 

Arthur had fortunately found Remus and Sirius and pulled them into the library with news from Privet Drive while everyone was gathering in the kitchen. Sirius had the sense of mind to send off a hasty owl to Harry before Arthur dashed back to the door, saying he needed to look into a few more things at the Ministry. 

Moony had been inconsolable, even as Remus forced a banal expression… 

Until Dumbledore mercifully arrived with news for everyone in the kitchen...

And the inhabitants of 12 Grimmauld Place erupted as a volcano. 

Fred and George Weasley were on their feet, chairs tumbling backwards behind them. “We’ll get him now!” they yelled as one. 

“Dementors…? Roaming freely in a Muggle neighborhood..?” 

“Is Harry all right?” 

“To the brooms, Gred! Can’t Apparate to a place we’ve never been.” 

“I’m coming with you—” 

“NO YOU ARE NOT!” 

“SILENCE!” 

Everything stopped under the command of Dumbledore’s amplified command. He stood at the head of the table, tall and commanding. 

He lowered his wand from his throat, eyes firm behind his half-moon spectacles. “My friends, while I appreciate your heart for immediate action, I can assure you that necessary steps and precautions have already been made. And I must ask you all to put aside plans for immediate extraction.” He paused, keen gaze sweeping over the table. “It is imperative that Harry stay with his family for the time being. He’s safe there—”

“The devil he is—”

“Sirius, please.” There was no sway in Dumbledore’s stance. This was obviously a non-negotiable demand. “He must not leave the house tonight. He  _ mustn’t _ .” 

A dazed silence settled over the room. All standing sank back down to their seats, voicing all their complaints with angry, confused, and otherwise disconsorted expressions. 

The headmaster gave a slight bow to his head, a sigh slipping past his lips in what appeared to pass as resigned acknowledgement. “While I share your horror over this attack and concern for Harry’s safety, I can assure you all that the safest place for Harry at the moment is 4 Privet Drive.

“Arthur has been good enough to contact Harry with reassurance and instructions. I’ve already convinced the Ministry to recant their ruling of expulsion and made arrangements at the Ministry regarding a trial date.” He paused, thin lips pressing together in a tight line. “Now is the time for vigilant caution and planning, my friends. I’m counting on each and every one of you to trust me.” 

A collective, pregnant pause swelled across the room…

Hermione Granger being the one to break first.

“Professor,” she said, her hand half-raised, as if waiting for permission to be called upon. 

“Yes, Miss Granger?” 

“It’s just… Harry’s family isn’t known for kindness and tolerance regarding wizards and magic.” Her brows puckered in a worried furrow. “Are you certain that they’ve… well, that they haven’t already…?” Her voice faded, watery and worried. 

Dumbledore rescued her with his second slight nod of the evening, sad expression there and gone in the blink of an eye. In fact, Remus would have second guessed he’d caught it at all had Moony not picked up the scent of grief coming from the direction of the head of the table. “I’ve taken sufficient course of action there as well, Miss Granger. No need to fret any longer on that.” 

“Yes, sir,” she answered. 

Moony was far from appeased, but had mercifully quieted enough for Remus to attempt at enough intelligent thought for questions. His mouth fell open a moment later, 

Right as Dumbledore spoke again: “Alastar and Kingsley asked me to pass along that they’ll be arriving shortly; as requested, Remus, Sirius and Nymphadora will be present and ready to begin planning to bring Harry here.” 

Sirius perked up from his seat on Remus’ right, a wave of something happy and proud rolling off him in a way that made Moony thrill at the prospect of a new shared adventure. “Does this mean I—?”

“I’m afraid not, Sirius,” Dumbledore interrupted, his eyes locking onto Sirius. “For Harry’s safety and for yours, the answer is still no.” 

It was almost cruel how quickly Sirius’ crushing dejection could be felt over the room, making it almost a relief when Dumbledore gave his final command. 

“I must also ask each of you individually not to contact Harry in the meantime.” (Sirius squirmed in his seat next to Remus but had the fortitude to keep otherwise silent of the hasty owl he’d sent off.) “It’s likely he’ll reach out to a select few in this gathering quite shortly, but you are not to respond. Questions are best answered in person in these dark times.” 

Cold fingers of acceptance and duty wound themselves around Remus’ heart, a sinking weight of worry over James and Lily’s son pressing hard against his chest. 

* * *

Sometimes it was best to say nothing at all. Other times, there was simply too much to feel, to process, for words to be sufficient. 

Sometimes it was all of that and more. 

Sirius had taken to pacing himself in a rut in the carpet in the library while Remus propped himself against the entryway. 

Alastar and Kingsley had arrived, the dinner crew finishing their helps, but Molly insisted the kitchen be cleaned and cleared before their meeting started. Leaving Tonks, Remus, and Sirius to their own methods of coping in the meantime, and it was frankly all Remus could do to contain Moony’s ire and—

“Professor Lupin…? ”

“Yes?” His arms unfolded from his chest as he turned around, finding Hermione and Ginny standing side-by-side, their faces pinched and drawn. “Something on your mind still, ladies?” 

A soft grunt fell from Ginny’s lips as she wrapped her arms around her waist; Hermione instead took to worrying her lip a moment more before threading her hands together, squeezing them so tightly her knuckles whitened. “Professor Dumbledore…” Hermione began at last. “He spoke directly to Ron, Ginny, and I before leaving. Giving more specific instruction that we swear not to write Harry, and I… I understand the logic that owls can be intercepted, but…” 

“Sometimes we’re asked to trust and accept that which doesn’t satisfy the heart, Hermione.” It wasn’t much, but Merlin only knew that such advice would not be what a heart so young wanted to hear. But Remus had lived through too much to tell the young witch anything else.

A throat cleared loudly and Remus lifted his gaze to find Tonks jerking her head back towards the kitchen. With a nod and a call to Sirius, Remus forced a smile he hoped would be reassuring to his former-students. “Not to worry, though. We’ll have a plan for bringing him here soon enough.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your LOVELY thoughts on chapter one!! I hope you enjoy chapter two!!   
Alpha love forever to LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist. Beta thanks to CourtingInsanity. All remaining errors are my own. 
> 
> I own no part of the Harry Potter Franchise, no copyright infringement intended.

* * *

_ “Pup safe. Mate safe.” _

Oh for the love of it—Moony would be the end of Remus. At the very least, his patience and sanity…

If all the bloody noises in this house didn’t end him first. 

Within the first sixty seconds of entering Sirius’ family home Molly had greeted and then subsequently shooed Harry and company upstairs and away from the meeting in the kitchen, Nymphadora had crashed into that infernal umbrella stand for the second time since Molly had moved it from a storage closet, and that blasted portrait of the late Mrs. Black had been set off with her awful ranting… 

The moon had been two nights ago, and Nymphadora had just nudged his shoulder with hers, smiling in a way that made his insides soften and melt like ice cream. “You were brilliant tonight,” she whispered. 

“Nonsense.” He gave a firm shake of his head. “All the credit goes to Alastar for a well-planned mission.” 

“No, not at all.” Her hand was on the doorknob leading to the kitchen, but it hadn’t turned. Her eyes were serious as they held his. “You were the closest thing to family Harry knew among us. He trusts you and was immediately glad to see you. That’s everything for missions involving kids.” 

She entered the kitchen without another word, but Remus remained. It was imperative he count backwards from ten before following after…

As Moony was now crooning along to an entirely  _ different _ tune… 

“Do get inside Remus,” Molly ushered, casting a narrow gaze over her shoulder. “Hungry stomachs and nosey ears won’t be detained forever.” 

Remus snorted; he would bet his wand arm that the twins had already devised a means of eavesdropping. The pair of them reminded him so strongly of a young Padfoot and Prongs it made him equally proud and sad . 

Perhaps ‘normal’ had been an illusion all along… 

* * *

“ _ Weasley’s got a witch.”  _

Remus stiffened in his seat next to Bill, keeping his voice and teeth clenched as he hissed, “Doesn’t matter.”

“ _ Does.”  _   
  
Remus set out to ignore his canine counterpart and focus on Severus’ report. It was on something urgent and of utmost importance after all. 

“ _ Weasley’s strong. Good for protecting his witch.”  _

Not a word. Not a single word. He wasn’t paying attention to Moony after all. 

But Moony didn’t play fair. “ _ Low stamina most days,”  _ he huffed. “ _ Not good for mate. Need to protect. Need to  _ ** _please_ ** _ .”  _

Shite. 

Now he  _ really _ wasn’t playing fair. It’d been entirely too long since Remus had even had the opportunity to be with a witch… Not to mention there was the fact that Bill was at least a decade his junior, so there was no point in making the comparison. Not that it would do any good reminding Moony of that. Just as it wouldn’t make any difference to silently recall that the entire household was already well aware that the eldest Weasley boy had a love interest. 

“ _ Different now.”  _ Moony protested, running his tongue over his teeth and swishing his tail. “ _ Recently mated.  _ ** _Very_ ** _ recent.”  _

Remus swallowed hard, refusing to draw a breath until Moony had curled into a discontented ball as Severus continued droning his report.  _ Mated _ … Well, then.

But then again, there was no reason for concern or worry regarding Veela mates. No negative social stigma attached with—

Moony jerked his head upright, giving a hard snap of his jaw in a silent bark.

Which was probably one of the few times Remus was thankful to be yanked from his own thoughts by his wolf. Prejudices remained over every magical being, and Veela were not immune. He exhaled slowly, learning back in his seat and folding his arms over his chest. He could make it through this meeting focusing on important matters like how in the name of Merlin they were going to win a war. 

_ “Or woo our Mate.”  _ Moony huffed, laying his head back on his folded paws. 

“Naff off,” Remus hissed. He could feel Bill’s keen gaze settle on him the duration of the meeting, but he bulwartly refused to secede to the urge to pry and meddle. 

At dinner he sat close again to Bill, keeping the conversation focused on goblins, out of pure spite to his werewolf. 

* * *

The days leading up to Harry’s trial bled into each other, one flowing listlessly into the next, by simple order of the universe. It was the natural order of time. It moved onward and forward, heedless of how man quantified and qualified it. 

And it was the unified opinion of both Remus and Moony that there was  _ nothing _ productive in the passage of time at Grimmauld Place. 

No matter how much Molly would protest otherwise, insisting every available, able body in the house continue to pitch in with chores… 

But house cleaning was only so fulfilling. And Remus was quite frankly  _ bored _ out of his bloody mind. There were only so many errands he could run in a day and remain under the radar. There was only so much “shopping” from the grocer in Diagon Alley that could be done...

At least Nymphadora had daily escape by means of an occupation. A real and true occupation. With pay, benefits, a job description, career goals, and performance improvement measures. 

Never mind that she was an Auror. 

An  _ Auror _ , for bloody Merlin’s sake. 

Where she put her life on the line for pay day in-and-out. 

And quite frankly, Moony could  _ stuff it _ with all the unspoken implications that went along with the witch being in a physically demanding job… 

Not because any of it was  _ untrue _ ...

“ _ Fit. Sharp. Smart. Easy-going. Quick on feet. Fit. Beautiful. Fit. _ ” 

None of which Remus disagreed with... Clumsy tendencies aside, Remus had seen her nimble and quick to react and move… But the more he allowed his mind to dwell and linger on all Moony chose to point out, the older Remus felt. 

Old. Pale. Easily-winded. Clunky. Slow. Useless. 

“ _ Don’t have to be.”  _

Remus’s mind had wandered as he’d studied through rolls of parchment of Gringotts recent investments and transactions provided by Bill… All available in public records from the Ministry if requested, making what he was doing wholly above board… But the goblins may not see things that way… 

“Silence, please,” he snipped in response, thankful for the safety in the privacy of his own room. 

“ _ We could train again.”  _

Train.

Not simply practice to keep sharp enough to teach students and merely  _ survive.. _ . 

But to hone technique. Battle and build his endurance. To be fit, ready, and prepared for anything that should come his way. 

“ _ Anything. _ ” Moony drooled as unbidden wisps of bubble-gum pink hair falling around a heart-shaped face unfurled in his mind. 

Desire sparked in his chest. To stand by her side and fight and win and  _ not  _ die over a rookie error. From a too-slow reaction. From exhaustion well before the battle had even half begun. 

Fight  _ with _ her and  _ for _ her. 

Merlin, what a shitestorm Remus was turning out to be. Ignoring every last urge and thought of Moony’s for more with Nymphadora, while still captivated by her in all these little moments of quiet.

Perhaps training could be useful by means of distraction, as well...

“You may not be wrong about this, old boy. A proper training course like back from before, with James, Sirius, and…” His throat tightened, some memories running far too deep to pass by without reaction still. He drew a sharp breath, drumming his fingers over the table. “Well, you might be right.” 

* * *

One of the few things Remus always prided himself on was a firm grasp on the practicalities in situations. It was one trait he could always lord over Moony, and really… what he’d been best known for among his pack—when he’d  _ had _ a pack.

First things first when it came to training was finding a proper place. Moony griped about wasted time, but Remus was firm. In the days leading up to and following Harry’s trial Remus spent every last hour of daylight scouting… Scouting, scouring and scavenging across the countryside for remote places he could alternate between. 

A decided calm settled over him when he made a list of abandoned and otherwise forgotten places throughout Britain. Open war was upon them, and it seemed they were all playing the long waiting game to see when the first move would be made. 

And something in Remus’s instincts thrilled knowing he was taking his first steps in doing something for  _ himself _ in this fight. That he was choosing for his own purposes. 

Until he visited The Cabin. 

He hadn’t planned on his heart to seize the very instant he Apparated directly outside the dilapidated shanty. Hadn’t planned on all the air to be snatched from his lungs or Moony to howl a low and mournful sound, memories assailed him on all fronts. 

Two-way, three-way, and four-way duels, depending on who could make it and when. Sirius getting pissed on cheap Muggle rum the night before James proposed to Lily, declaring it was the ‘end of an era’. Peter spiking the tea so they’d all temporarily talk in high-pitched voices just so he could test the antidote… 

A sharp pivot left revealed the large tree that Peter had taken refuge in as a rat, still there. Sirius had barked for ages while James had attempted to shake him out of the tree. Remus had frankly thought it a jolly fun joke at the time, and had allowed James and Sirius their ire and indignation before bruising their ego all the more when he simply walked up to the tree and summoned Peter with no more than a first year charm. 

Thinking of Peter startled Remus back to the present, the patina of nostalgia fading away. 

Peter was a traitor. James was dead. Sirius was housebound. 

It would only be him this time, and there was no room for the griefs of the past in preparations for the future. 

A series of charms and detections spells revealed all was mostly as he’d left it in the aftermath of James and Lily’s deaths and Sirius’s arrest. The cabin itself had collected moss, mildew, and dust, along with nests among the rafters and spiderwebs in every available corner, but nothing beyond repair and fixing up. He could start here, stockpiling this with healing supplies and potions and resources for in the event a temporary safe house was ever needed. 

Within three days the cabin and surrounding woods were ready for use. And time for Remus to find the next spot. And the next. 

And the next. 

And the next. 

* * *

Harry’s trial came and went, along with the riotous victory feast Molly prepared afterwards. He managed to get out of a great deal of housework while running “errands” for various people. Molly always presumed Dumbledore or Severus, though he never said anything to dissuade her opinion. Sirius busied himself with the role of godfather, fussing over Harry’s school year and supplies—even pulling Harry aside one afternoon to have a specific discussion about contraceptive and hygienic charms… (a conversation Remus was almost sorry to have missed after hearing about it later that evening). 

Nymphadora always ate dinner with them, usually claiming a seat next to or across from Remus. Moony beamed and drooled, while Remus attempted to ignore the budding of affectionate pleasure blooming in his heart… 

Or, at the very least, avoid it completely by throwing himself into training preparations. 

He finally settled on the fourth and final location the last week of August. 

Four locations. Each one to allow for a specific focus and, and to allow for sufficient rotations to ensure for safety and that he never grew bored.

The cabin was for dueling and obstacle courses. There was a secluded river in Wales he’d found by accident once that was perfect for combination lap runs and swims. A rock wall nestled away several miles south of Hogwarts for climbing. And finally, a sleepy little fishing village where he’d practice Disillusionment, concealment, and stealth charms. 

He had a plan. 

And, Merlin, it felt  _ good _ . 

* * *

“Not gonna miss this house...” 

“Out to kill us all, I tell you…” 

“And that bloody  _ buggering _ portrait…” 

The voices of the Weasley children carried down the stairs, into the empty study where Remus had hidden himself in the wake of Molly’s boggart. Moony had already decided none of the visions of carnage would come to pass, because, “ _ Training now. Can protect pack.”  _ and had considered the matter put to rest; meaning he was growling out his own complaining contributions in Remus’ mind.

“ _ Hate dust. Hate portrait.”  _

And Remus let him be. If some part of him could be childish and calm in the gravity of their precarious calm, he was glad for it. For the rest of Remus, peace seemed an illusion; far away and a distant memory of a past he was no longer certain they’d ever had to begin with. 

“You all right, mate?” 

Remus blinked up, his unfocused gaze finding Sirius gliding across the study to the desk, where he tugged a drawer and lifted out a bottle of Firewhisky. 

“Yeah. Just needed some quiet moments I suppose. Moony’s already scented the house and everyone’s safe and calm. Molly even seems to have composed herself enough for now.”

“Good.” Sirius lifted a tumbler to Remus, which he declined, brows quirking as Sirius merely shrugged and poured two fingers of the libation into both ornate glasses. Sirius offered no answer as he moved to take a chair across from Remus taking a long, slow pull from his drink. “Helluva boggart.” 

“Right.” Remus’ jaw tightened, hands clenched. “I hate that Harry had to experience it all, too. If there ever were a child I wish could be shielded from everything.”

“He can’t, though.” Sirius’ voice was gruff and thick and he gave a hard shake of his head. “I know Molly accuses me of treating him as James, but she wasn’t around us enough in school. If she had been, she’d know good and well he’s Harry. James would have been sneaking me out of here every night for fun and mischief. James had two parents who loved him and believed in him, which made the twat think he was invincible right up until the end. Harry didn’t know the love of family until meeting the Weasley’s.” 

Moony ceased complaining, sniffing the air of the room. “ _ Padfoot’s sad.”  _

Of course he was, Remus thought to his counterpart, rubbing his chin as he considered how to respond. “You’ve nothing to regret now, though,” he offered, gentle and affirming. “You’ve been every bit father, impish uncle, and doting godfather all-in-one from the moment Harry came here. You’re respectful of his wishes and treat him as he asks to be treated. That’s all any young man could ask for.” 

“Suppose so,” Sirius grunted, taking another sip. “Hermione and Ginny keep glaring at me, though. Can’t seem to figure out what I’m doing wrong there.” 

Remus’ mouth opened, a teasing retort ready—

“They think you’re mad Harry’s not expelled and will be returning to school instead of staying with you.” 

Remus straightened in his seat at Nymphadora’s unexpected appearance, while Sirius was already levitating the second glass towards his cousin as she closed the door behind her. 

“Thanks,” she said, curling delicate fingers around the glass, offering a silent salute before taking a pull, dropping into the empty chair next to Remus. 

Moony began to drool while Remus gave a thick swallow, throat as sand as his eyes fixated plump pink lips— 

“—get an idea like  _ that?!”  _

Thank Merlin for an outraged Sirius to pull Remus from foolish fantasies. Swallowing again, Remus leaned back in his seat, threading his fingers over his lap in an attempt of calm composure. 

Nymphadora chuckled lightly. “You’ve got to admit you’ve been more broody and testy lately, and not as easily your cheerful self—”

“Maybe if Molly wouldn’t insist we do nothing but  _ clean _ all the  _ fucking _ time and let me have more than fifteen minutes alone at a time with my own godson...” 

“You see?” It was commendable how the witch could laugh off Sirius’ ire, but then again, perhaps Andromeda had a streak of that hereditary temperament, and was used to defusing hostile emotional situations. She lifted her drink near her lips, paused and said, “I know you’re frustrated with your lot in this. Remus does, too. You were an Auror last go around, and able to throw yourself into anything and everything. Personally, I think it’s ridiculous they don’t send you on some mission as the new familiar of someone of interest at Durmstag or something. You’d be unknown, safe, and you’re clever enough to work out ways and means of sneaking information back to the Order, in addition to letters to Harry.” 

“That’s… that’s an interesting thought, cousin.” Sirius’ eyes narrowed, his thumb tapping against his glass. Moony balked, while Remus chewed on the inside of his lip… Until Sirius shook his head, adding, “But there’s Kreacher here, and he won’t obey anyone but me, even when I command him too, and I want to be as near as possible to Harry in case anything happens this year.” 

“Of course,” Nymphadora nodded, sipping her drink again and sighing. “D’you really think Percy will come around? When I see him around the Ministry he’s so… solemn. And almost cross. I worry for what he may already have said to get in the good graces of his superiors.” 

“Supercilious child is all,” Sirius snorted, giving a dismissive wave of his hand. “He’ll come around and it’ll be as no more than a bad dream for everyone.” 

“I hope so…” she murmured before tossing back the last of her drink and standing. “There’s more than one way to lose someone we treasure, and I don’t know how much loss Molly would be able to bear.” 

Remus opened his mouth to add some form of agreement, but Sirius beat him to it, asking where she was off to so early in the night, cutting his dark grey eyes to Remus in an obvious way that had Moony preening under validation and pouting over this sudden change… And Remus wishing he could vanish from his seat immediately without drawing too much attention to himself. 

“Early morning with security detail to King’s Cross Station,” the pink-haired witch stated with a wink to Remus that sparked a rush of heat over his cheeks he hoped she didn’t notice. “And tomorrow’s my afternoon for duelling sessions in the training room, so I best call it for the night. Thanks for the drink.” She smiled as she handed her glass back to Sirius, looking over her shoulder to Remus, winking again. “Bright and early, then!” 

“See you,” Remus answered, floating a hand in an awkward wave that went unseen by the intended recipient, as she’d already slipped out the door without another look at the wizards… Not that he was lucky enough for Sirius to  _ not _ notice… “Naff off,” Remus growled, raking said hand through his hair and offering a gruff “goodnight” of his own. 

Visions of plump lips closing over the rim of her glass plagued Remus up the stairs until he decided a change of plans was in order for tomorrow, and that a cold swim and long run would be best to begin his private training. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I cannot believe all the kind and thoughtful comments thus far with this story!!! thank you all so much!!! It means the world to me!   
Alpha love to LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist. Beta gratitude to CourtingInsanity <3 love you ladies very much. All remaining errors are my own.   
Thank you all for reading, and leaving such kind words when you do! 
> 
> Mild sexual content in this chapter.  
Again, I own no part of the Harry Potter franchise.

* * *

“ _ Glide, two, three, breathe. Glide, two, three, breathe. Glide, two, three, breathe. Glide, two… done!”  _

Everything hurt and Remus’ chest burned with the need for oxygen as he stood near the shoreline, gulping greedy lungfuls of air. It was only four hundred metres; really, he should be embarrassed at how winded he was over such a laughable distance, but  _ Merlin… _ His muscles were too tired to care. 

Collapsing sounded an excellent idea at the moment…

“ _ Trainers on. Run! Need to run!” _

Remus grunted and huffed, but did as his wolf bid, setting a pace that seemed feasible for maintaining four laps around up-and-down the shoreline. 

“ _ Six laps.” _

“What?! No!” Remus balked, jogging in place gulping two large breaths and shaking his head. “Four. Pacing, Moony.” 

“ _ Six. And go faster.” _

“I will not.” 

“ _ Six and faster. Can talk to argue. Energy’s there.”  _

Every muscle in his body begged to differ as Remus shook his head again, keeping the brisk pace he’d established—

“ _ FASTER!”  _ Moony barked, loud and fierce, startling Remus so that nearly lost his footing and only just caught himself at the last moment. “ _ FASTER! GO! GO!” _

Remus yelled in frustration but surrendered to his wolf’s command. It was useless to resist, honestly. He’d forgotten how dominating alpha Moony was in his prime health and strength, and it was almost enough to make him question if training had been a good idea…

Four laps in at a speed he hadn’t believed possible he could keep and he  _ hated _ Moony. Flames licked his lungs and he loathed the arrogant twat pushing, pushing,  _ pushing _ on the first day. He had reasons for wanting to pace himself… Reasons for planning on a gradual build back into this…

But Remus didn’t ease up. He refused. If he was going to prove a point to this stubborn wolf, he was going to give it  _ all _ he had. 

His legs were shaking and everything within him was all but weeping for air as Remus sprinted the final lap… collapsing on a patch of rocks and grass…

“ _ Swim again. Good stretch.”  _

Remus glared up at the sky, cursing his commitment to proving himself right to an uncaring canine coach. 

Any thoughts of relief at the coolness of the water after his run he squelched before Moony could hear them…

* * *

Remus hated himself. 

He hated all the energy it took to Apparate, and that he was so paranoid that he made three stops before making it back to 12 Grimmauld Place. He hated the torture of the mountain of  _ stairs _ keeping him from a shower and his bed. 

He hated that his words were too tired and slurred to make his excuse for exhaustion and disheveled appearance to Molly sound convincing enough… but she seemed caught up enough in her own world of sorrow and adjustment with the absence of her children to pay him much mind.

But most of all, he  _ hated _ , despised, and absolutely abhorred his insufferable pride. 

He’d had a bloody plan,  _ damnit _ ! It’d been too long since he’d had consistent exercise. Too long since he’d subjected himself to any sort of structured regime or forced routine. Jobs had never been plentiful, which meant food was always a luxury… And one he never wasted by burning excess energy with exercise…

Then came the truly lean years after that Umbint had pushed through legislation to keep him from ever holding a steady job in Britain again—

“ _ Not for long, _ ” Moony huffed. “ _ We’ll win this time. Win for food. Win for mate. For future pups.”  _

He was too worn out, thoughts too frayed, to argue or even groan. He managed a low “yeah, yeah…” as he pushed through the door to his bathroom, grateful that even in the midst of war, he had a roof over his head, indoor plumbing, hot showers, and a soft bed with like-new sheets. 

Shallow and petty, but they were reasons for fighting nonetheless. His own right to a life inclusive of the comforts of home that he earned with work of his own two hands. 

“ _ Mate to share home with.”  _

“Ugh,” Remus grunted, not bothering to dignify the obvious inclusion with any other retort…

Though he couldn’t help but like the  _ sound _ of Moony’s dream, too. As much as he always knew he’d been doomed to a lonely life from the day he’d been bitten… Well, it wasn’t as if that was necessarily how he  _ desired _ things to be…

Fuck, he needed to shower and sleep before Moony convinced him that after conquering the climbing wall tomorrow, he’d be ready for propositioning a certain witch for a passionate love affair… 

* * *

And so the days passed thus: swim/run, climb, duel, tail. Duel, climb, tail, swim/run. REST! Climb, duel, swim/run, tail. Tail, swim/run, duel, climb. REST! 

It wasn’t a perfect cycle, but Remus tried for an added security measure by varying his days around. And he fought Moony tooth and nail for a day of rest between rotations. 

“ _ Stealth in village  _ ** _is_ ** _ rest,” _ Moony insisted, which, on a very physical level, Remus didn’t disagree with, however… Principles and all that. 

“We run errands in the half day we’re not training, and sorry, but I need a full day for all the extra reading Dumbledore’s given me. Then there’s the additional reading to study up on the new legislation proposals and to look into some old goblin legislation for Bill.” Moony tried to argue more, at which point Remus tacked on: “Plus there’s the time with Padfoot. We need the evening chess matches and quiet in the study as much as he does.” 

Moony couldn’t refute that, at least. 

The was house emptier now that the children had left for school, which went without being stated, of course, but there was a weight to it. As if their presence covered the day-to-day in a layer of light and fun, so imperceptible and accepted, the adults hadn’t noticed until it was gone. 

“You’re eating more these days, Remus,” Molly noted one evening, three weeks into September, and two nights before the moon. “And there’s a healthy tinge to your cheeks—what has Dumbledore had you up to lately?” 

“This and that,” he offered, laying his fork on his plate, ignoring Moony’s protest at being made to wait for the next bite of ham. “How has the Ministry been this week, Tonks?” 

_ “Don’t like calling mate that,”  _ Moony insisted, even as the witch spoke in response. “ _ Not pretty enough for her.”  _

Remus leaned forward over the table, gaze tracing over the Aurors features, still not quite focused on the words coming from her mouth… 

Permitting himself the quiet luxury of agreeing with every last one of Moony’s admiring: “ _ Plush lips, made for laughing and smiling and kissing. Always looks kissable. Slender neck, perfect for biting. Would fit right in our hands. Full cheeks. Hair so pink and soft and—GREEN?”  _

Moony’s yelp shook Remus from his stupor, literally, actually. He blinked several times as he shook his head, righting his posture… while shifting and dropping his hands to his lap in an effort to hide the slight tenting in his trousers…

Fuck the moon. 

“I… Apologies, Nymphadora.” He made a show of clearing his throat, gesturing above, feeling the eyes over everyone in the room boring into him. “Moon coming on soon and I got lost in my own thoughts. What were you saying?” 

“ ** _Tonks_ ** , Remus, you know that. I was just telling you we’ve been laying low, and things are calm enough for now.” Her brow quirked as her head tilted, hair short and spiky and the colour of yellow-green moss. Jarring, but no less lovely, he decided in an instant. It was a struggle to pay attention as her lips parted and she said, “But I’ve asked you twice now if you wouldn’t mind passing me the plate of rolls. Quite famished today, and Molly, your rolls are simply  _ divine— _ have I told you I’ve dreamed of them?” 

Remus offered a weak smile, passing the roll plate, and chittering conversation resumed across the table. About rolls and trolls and tidbits of news from the children at school. Remus sneaked another look at the witch across from him, finding her deep grey eyes already waiting on his. There were dimples in her cheeks, and her hair had returned to its trademark bubble-gum pink, lengthening and swishing around her neck, kissing against the shoulders of her Aurors robes, and  _ Merlin help him.  _

He hadn’t been half-hard at a table in public in at least a decade and the moon could go to hell for putting him in this awkward position. 

He cleared his throat again before shoving his fork in his mouth, gaze darting about for anything else to do… And perhaps find the ham for another helping… In finding and obtaining said ham, there was no mistaking the way all present members of the Weasley family shared what seemed to be knowing looks with each other while Nymphadora chimed in something jovial and clever in that tinkling voice that tickled his ears and sent sparks skipping down his spine. 

He ducked back to his plate, taking a large bite of something (it hardly mattered what at this point, though), chewing thoughtfully to avoid attention the rest of the meal. Moony wasn’t having any of that,  _ feeling _ Sirius’ steady smirk and stare on the right, sharing in Padfoot’s feral glee. 

There was a talk coming after dinner, no getting out of it. 

* * *

“My cousin was looking lovely tonight, wasn’t she?” 

_ Buggering shite _ . 

Remus stifled the groan in his throat, jaw tight as he met Sirius’ waiting gaze. He’d almost gotten away clear and free. Bill and Nymphadora had both made their goodbyes after eating (with Moony needing a firm reminder that one, they were not leaving for the same destination, and two, that Bill already  _ had _ a witch… A Veela mate at that). Molly and Arthur retired soon thereafter, leaving Sirius and Remus to their nightcaps in companionable silence. 

That had suited Remus fine tonight. With the moon so near, he wouldn’t have been able to focus on chess, as it was, he’d only managed a few pages of his book, eyes staring unfocused for stretches of time… Getting lost in fantasies of his hands threading through silken pink locks…

Remus’s lips parted, his shoulders giving a surrendering shrug. “She always looks lovely,” he admitted, hushed and low. “But I never said she wasn’t. No use lying about facts.” 

“No. And you’ve never been one to lie, Moony.” Something hardened in Sirius’ expression, and it was all Remus could do to keep from flinching. It was unnerving how quick the tables could turn when Sirius was out for information—unnerving when he was the object of all that frustrated energy and not merely an outside observer. “And you’re not lying about anything now, are you?” 

“I’m not.” Remus’ throat bobbed, his hands slipping in his pockets. “Nothing noteworthy to report for now, I suppose. And I’m certainly not about to confess to all of Grimmauld that Moony’s taking an extra shine to a witch thirteen years his junior just two days before the moon.” 

“Fuck, that’s not it. You’re hiding something from us. From me.” He gave a dark scoff at Remus’ attempt of deflection, raking a hand through his hair looking more tired than he had in ages. “It’s bad enough I’m cooped up in here all day, stuck with only whatever tidbits of information here and there you lot remember to share, but now there’s this with Harry, and—”

“Harry? What about Harry?” 

“Nothing.” Sirius shook his head, eyes squeezing tightly shut. “Just… I know you. I know you’re hiding something from me, Moony. And I thought we’d have learned by now nothing good comes from that.” He’d spoken so low it was bordering on mournful, while maintaining an air of and flippancy... as if commenting it would rain the next day... 

The weight of the unspoken crashed over Remus, a guilty wave spreading across Remus’ chest, seeping into his bones. And Remus knew he’d meant to cause some degree of pain. 

Even so, he wouldn’t budge, not even with Moony barking to ease Padfoot’s concern. Telling Sirius could only lead to him trying to sneak out on his own, which could mean he’d get caught.. And that would crush Harry. It would crush  _ him _ … 

“It’s nothing you need to concern yourself with, Pads,” Remus murmured instead, making for the staircase with his hands still stuffed in his pockets, already plotting to take them two at a time for a hasty escape from the moment, while not being obvious. “You’re sure everything’s all right with Harry?” he asked over his shoulder.

“Mmm,” Sirius grunted. “All is as expected with Umbridge there…” 

“Right…” 

He hated this. Moony was snarling up a storm and it was all Remus could do to squelch the confession on his tongue:  _ I decided to train. I decided to stand up for myself again. I’ve decided to be an active participant in preparing for war. I’ve decided to be more in command of my own Fate… _

But he said none of those things and silence draped over them in thick sheets, stifling the air from his lungs… 

Sirius broke first, loosing a heavy sigh. “Forget I said anything. It’s your life. You’re free to come and go at will.” 

_ Unlike me.  _

He didn’t say it but the words loomed over them. Seeping into Remus’ bones... 

...Winding and wrapping around his heart as he went through his night routine and tossed and turned in bed over an hour later...

Until Remus was swinging his legs over the side of the bed, slipping on a shirt, padding across the room, slipping out the door, and outside Sirius’ bedroom door, knocking. 

“Padfoot?” he said, knocking several times without response. 

“ _ Attic?”  _ Moony tried, and Remus nodded, making for the creaking, old staircase. 

And there he was, in all his brooding glory. Watching Buckbeak as the majestic creature preened and picked at his feathers. 

“You should get some sleep, Padfoot.” 

“Not tired yet.” 

“Fuck you’re stubborn.” Remus snorted, rolling his eyes. “I meant you should really get some sleep tonight. Right now. Because you’re coming with me and we’ve a training course to complete in time with whatever Moony demands. And you’ll remember how demanding a coach Moony is, yeah?”

The glint in his friends’ eyes was unmistakable as he gave a sharp nod. Remus turned, making for his bedroom and feeling lighter than he had in awhile. 

* * *

“ _ Not swim day.”  _

_ “ _ That hardly matters.” 

“ _ Does. We can duel with a partner. Finally.”  _

“We’re already pushing the limits with things, Moony. It’s one day to give him some space and freedom, even if it’s all as a dog. I can’t very well take aim at a moving target hoping I miss for hours on end.” 

“ _ Padfoot should practice, too.”  _

Remus huffed at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, tidying the sink after his morning routine. “I’ll be sure to pass that on at the end of the day, if you’d like, but we’re doing this my way or not at all.” 

Moony gave a low growl but said nothing else. 

They’d all been present at the breakfast table, and Sirius had shown his face to Molly at least once more, making an excuse of keeping a low profile today to have enough energy to spend the moon with Remus tomorrow night. 

Molly, who looked ready for an outing herself, responded with a too-bright-smile, saying, “Of course, of course. I won’t be back until nearly dinner time as it is. Such a lot to do and clean around the Burrow, and I need to get my knitting supplies. More time on my hands now that the house is in order here and the new term well under way.” 

“Right-oh then, Molly.” Remus nodded as the witch bustled to the front door. “Keep safe and send a Patronus if you need anything.” 

“Of course. Be good, the both of you.” The door closed softly behind her, even so, Remus and Sirius cast weary looks over their shoulder, checking on the status of Mrs. Black’s portrait… 

Silence. 

The two beamed at each other, Sirius transforming without another word and giving several happy barks…

Which defeated the purpose of Molly’s quiet exit, setting off a stream of shouts, bemoans and curses from behind the curtain, but Remus only laughed at Sirius’ rebellious act. 

A bit of mischief was always a good way to start a day, after all. 

* * *

The water was cold, no matter the warming charms Remus cast, and he couldn’t maintain a proper pace with Padfoot nipping at his ankles… and sometimes fingers. Moony barked about speed, but eventually Remus gave up, and settled for simply running.

Running through the shallows as he tossed a stick for Padfoot to chase after in the water. Running laps up and down the shoreline, racing the large black dog to different goals over and over and over… 

Until the years melted away, and they were no longer the adults who’d had their youth stolen. They were friends in their prime, laughing and barking, sharing in a language all their own. Understanding each other without the exchange of words. 

Because they were a pack. 

The last of their pack… 

“ _ Don’t have to be for long, _ ” Moony retorted, buzzing with excess energy that came before transformations. “ _ Dora likes us. Seems eager to mate.”  _

“Fuck, Moony!” 

Remus stopped in his tracks, his face falling in his hands, ears catching the distinct sound of  _ human _ footfalls stepping up to him. 

“All right, Remus?” 

“Difficult to say, if I’m being honest.” His arms fell to his sides, hands balling into fists as he glared at the sky. “You remember how he gets around the moon without Wolfsbane. You’ve got the basement all ready?” 

“Of course. Silencing charms, locking charms, potions all set for after transformation. And Molly has already planned out the usual breakfast spread of eggs, ham, sausage, and toast. And we’re well stocked with tea,” Sirius answered, keeping his tone light and reassuring. “Nothing to worry about. We were always without Wolfsbane in the past. We’ll manage again with Snivellus away.” 

“Right. All right then.” Moony was still yipping about a certain pink-haired witch, but Remus balled his fists tighter, as if he could squeeze her from his thoughts entirely… 

Sirius clapped Remus on the back, barking out a laugh. “And I’ve already knicked one of my cousin’s sweaters especially for Moony for the whole of the night.” 

“ _ What? _ ” 

Remus’ heart banged in his chest as Moony howled in triumph. No answer came, as Sirius had already transformed again, sprinting away from Remus, leaving the werewolf with no choice but dash to keep up. 

Cursing everything all the while. 

* * *

“ _ She’s so lovely. Smells soooo gooood. Like home. And something we can curl up into and all around. After been all up inside— _ ”

“GOOD NIGHT!” 

Nymphadora, Sirius, Bill we’re now looking at him with wide eyes and slightly confused expressions—he had interrupted Bill in the middle of… whatever it was Bill had been nattering about. 

The moon was tomorrow night. He scented everything. 

_ Everything.  _

Bill smelled of cologne, expensive perfume, and a recent roll between the sheets—likely their lunch break. Sirius was happy and contentment, a combination of dirt and soap from his outing today— _ Scourgify _ didn’t get the smell from the clothes, and they’re frankly lucky Molly didn’t ask anything about it. 

But most of all, there was  _ her.  _

Nymphadora smelled of sunshine, woods, fresh earth, and somehow chocolate. And she was looking at him now with those bright grey eyes, laughter lines crinkling around the edges, cheeks slightly flushed from wine at dinner and port in the study, and it would just be so. damn. easy. to  _ ask… _

To blame it on the moon the next day… or the day after that… 

He cleared his throat, blinked twice, rubbing the back of his neck. “Getting late for me. Think I’m gonna head up.” 

“Night, Remus.” 

“G’night, Moony.” 

Remus grunted, turning and adjusting his as he strode to the staircase… Not waiting to hear anything from  _ her…  _

“Remus, wait.” Delicate fingers curled around his elbow, and before he could think, could take another step to his salvation, something soft was pressing against his cheek… like what he imagined butterfly wings would feel like… 

And then it was gone. 

And he didn’t dare breathe… lest he inhale her here and now and throw her over his shoulder and Apparate them both to his—

“I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow night,” she whispered, her breath prickling his ears and searing into his skin. “See you the morning after, yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

He had no idea how he managed to choke out any response. No idea how he got from the bottom of the staircase with  _ her _ close enough to share body heat, to being alone and naked in a steaming shower, fisting himself and pumping. 

_ Hard.  _

He couldn’t remember if he cast a silencing charm, but wasn’t currently of sound enough mind to stop what was about to happen… 

_ I’ll be thinking of you, tomorrow.  _

He grunted, pumping harder,  _ faster _ , as pink lips materialised in his mind.

All the world was pink. Lips. Hair. Pink…

_ Pink.  _

_ I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow.  _

“ _ Mate.”  _

“Dora,” he gasped, sinking into the tile wall, scalding water cascading from above, as if to cleanse him from his shame. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> endless love and thanks to you all for reading, giving kudos and leaving just the loveliest and kindest reviews. I could not be more blown away and grateful. Thank you all!!   
Alpha love and hearts to LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist. Beta adoration to CourtingInsanity <3 Thank you all! All remaining errors are my own. 
> 
> I own no part of the Harry Potter franchise.

* * *

Four times.

He wasn’t proud to admit to himself that he’d wanked a grand total of four more times to thoughts of her. Memories.  _ Fantasies.  _

Four. more. times.

In the past six days. Which was considerable when taken into account one of those days had been after the moon and he’d been dosed up on both sleeping and pain potions. And curled around her nicked sweater. 

He hated Sirius for encouraging and indulging these feelings, even as Moony crooned his praises.

Not astonishingly enough, all of Remus’ day-to-day existence seemed to be one giant paradox. 

He dreaded meeting her eyes the mornings after he’d indulged in the shower, afraid she’d  _ know _ simply by looking at him. He despised that she had a job and it kept him from being near her at all times. He berated Moony for clinging to this folly of mates and bonding for life; he needed such thoughts just to keep believing in something pure and worth fighting for in the world. 

He craved everything Nymphadora Tonks, and loathed himself for it. He hated that he was selfish enough to think perhaps her feelings ran deeper than mutual respect or passing kindness. He needed her to know it was more than just that for him. 

In other words, Remus John Lupin was going out of his bloody mind. 

And it was likely,  _ definitely _ , because of this constant inner turmoil that he landed himself into the catastrophe of a situation he currently found himself. 

A wand poking in his neck. Sunshine, chocolate, fresh earth, and rain wafting in his nose. 

“I knew you were up to something.” 

* * *

He’d never been such a wild combination of frantic energy, worry, elation, and shock than here and now. With Dora’s wand lowering, yet still aimed at him. 

And horny. 

He was past the influence of the moon and randy as any teenager; Moony yapping to make it part of the strategy today and cage her between his arms against the wall—which didn’t sound like the worst idea in the world.

But reason won the day, and Remus’ finally recovered enough to formulate a response: “Guilty as charged,” he said, lifting his hands as in mock surrender. “Care to do something about your wand? This is a Muggle village, even for the layers of charms I’ve in place.” 

“Clever.” She snorted, pocketing her wand nevertheless, eyes darting from him to the sidewalk then back to him. “So, Dumbledore has you stalk random Muggle villages now? Is there a person of interest we’re meant to be watching? Another squib protecting someone of great importance?” 

“Not that I’m aware of. I’m not here on anyone’s orders but my own.” He couldn’t keep the pride from his voice; he just  _ couldn’t. _ Until it occurred to him she’d  _ found _ him. “How long have you been following me?” 

“This was my first day actually. I thought I’d just up and ask you about it last night, but decided it’d be more fun to see if I could surprise you instead.” 

“Good way to get hurt.” 

She snorted at that. Actually snorted... “I’m a tough girl, Remus. Auror, tie my own shoes and all that.” She paused as the unthinkable happened and she was stepping even closer into his space… Close enough to rise up and kiss again if she wanted…  _ Did she??? “ _ And you’re the type to secretly enjoy a bit of mischief.” 

Moony’s teeth glinted in a feral smirk while Remus all but groaned as he forced his arms to remain at his side and not bind around her slender form and crash his lips into hers. Back them up against the alley wall...

She chuckled, an ethereal tinkling sound that did  _ things _ to him even as she asked, hushed and low, “What’s the mission then? Am I allowed to join the fun?” 

_ Sweet. Merlin.  _

“Should we be expecting Robards to send out a search party now that you’re over two hours late for work?” 

“I’m already at least two steps ahead of you.” It may have been a trick of the shadows, but then again, maybe her eyes actually did darken before she winked and backed two small steps away. “Molly’s not the only one who’s noticed you eating more and the healthy look about you. Though, I doubt she’d say anything about how bloody edible you look in your sweaters.”

“What... _ ?” _

“Not that you’re not always a handsome rogue,” she added, quick, decisive and reassuring. “I only mean you’re looking rather fit these days and I’ve been curious, so I decided to put my new tracker to the test last night—” 

“You  _ what?! _ ”

“Something I’ve been working on,” she hummed, making an airy gesture with her hand, gaze flitting to the sidewalk were pedestrians clomped by, unaware of the interaction in the alley behind layer upon layer of silencing and concealment charms. “I’ve been in touch with the twins this year and we’ve been sending proto-types back and forth via Ministry post. Figured it’d be a safe bet in case Umbridge decides to start sorting through the student's post soon.” 

Cogs turned and clanged in Remus’ mind. “But you… you… tracked me…? Without my knowing? When you could have simply asked me about my day?” He didn’t know whether to be insulted, angry, or incandescently happy. 

“ _ Loooooovvveeee herrrrrrr.”  _ It seemed Moony had already decided his stance on the matter. 

“Are you mad?” She turned back to him, brows puckered now. “Please don’t be—actually, it’s fine if you  _ are _ , you’ve every right to be, I suppose. I was so proud to work this out though—I was able to follow your Apparition footprint—”

“My _what_??” 

“—which I almost lost because it doesn’t linger long, and I thought you’d probably go a few different places before landing at your final destination, and so I wanted to give enough time for the magic to settle incase I’d buggered anything up in the tracker, but please don’t be too mad for too long.” She was back in front of him now, eyes full and sincere. “I only wanted to see if this would work, and you… It just… I thought it’d be safe to test this with you. And more fun than one of my coworkers, if I’m being honest. No one’s nearly as appreciative of useful cleverness as you.” 

Everything within him clenched and puffed in that confusing way as can only happen when  _ feelings _ were involved. Her eyes were unrelenting as they searched his, and there was a pull to her lips he didn’t want to deny… didn’t know how much  _ longer _ he could  _ keep _ denying… 

But deny he would for at least one day more.

“You’re here now,” he answered, soft and inviting, floating his hands out to wrap gently around her wrists. “Ironically enough, this is my stealth training day in my self imposed training regimen, so why don’t you find our next target to follow, and I’ll tell all over a nice cuppa afterwards, yeah?” 

“Perfect.” 

The beaming smile she gave him was worth all the shock of the morning thus far and more. 

* * *

She’d not uttered a word about them or what ended up being the entirety of their day over dinner at Grimmauld. They’d each managed to be vague enough on specifics while diverting attention to other matters, namely  _ school _ , and the situation with the students and Umbridge. How Ron and Hermione were settling in as prefects. How Harry would be eating better at school. How the twins were already on their last year. 

Molly could be distracted easily enough when necessary. 

Dora, as Moony now insisted she be called, hadn’t made any inquiries regarding joining him the next day, and Remus hadn’t quite determined how he felt about that. He was happy to divulge and share in of his secrets and time with  _ her _ especially, but perhaps focus was what he needed most. He hated the constant rationalization of every little action and thought within himself; and yet, he needed it. 

Vicious cycle. 

Sirius and Tonks were now enjoying a night cap, Remus declining, leaving Sirius to sulk over ‘Moony’s maturing ways’. The sensible part of Remus’ mind  _ knew _ he should excuse himself to his room. Knew he should be visiting Buckbeak, preparing for bed, or already reading in bed because tomorrow was climbing and it was too easy to lose his footing if he weren’t careful enough and—

“Where are we going tomorrow?” 

Remus sucked a sharp breath, blinking at Dora silently as Sirius shot upright from his almost childishly pouting hunched position in his seat. 

“We?” Sirius jerked so hard whiskey sloshed from his tumbler, which earned a series of giggles from Dora, only enraging Sirius to the point of muttering several dark curses as he cast a  _ Scourgify  _ over his slacks and the carpet. His eyes settled into something dark and sinister when he looked up at Remus. “She knows? And joining on the regular now?!” 

“Naturally, cousin. Things like training for battles tend to work best  _ with _ someone.” 

His tongue was as lead in his mouth, but Remus couldn’t formulate a response anyways. 

Not that it mattered. Sirius’ gaze had darkened to a storm cloud, though he attempted to mask it with a darken silk tone: “I must have been misinformed; I was under the impression you weren’t telling many people about your day-to-day comings and goings. Perhaps that was a presumptive assumption on my part.” 

“Sirius, it’s—” 

“Merlin’s tits, Sirius!” Dora erupted in bright peels of laughter, both sets of eyes now trained on her as she shook her head, gesturing between the two wizards. “This has nothing to do with you, and yet everything to do with you, too, which can be a bit confusing for an outsider like me to wade through, but it is what it is.” 

“What are you off about,  _ Nymphadora _ ?” The clouds in Sirius’ stare gathered and thickened. 

She answered with something between a huff and a scoff. “The family dynamics between you two; it’s almost worse than dealing with the twins—at least they’ll always team up together against someone else. But there’s something occasionally antagonistic between the two of you, and I can’t figure out why, and you know what, I’ve decided I don’t want to know. All your friendship has gone through in the last fifteen or so years, you’ve earned the right to your wounds and privacy.

“But you two need to talk at some point about it all.” She levelled them each with a hard look, throwing back the rest of her drink. “Because I’m here. I’m around for the long haul in this. I’m joining Remus with his training whenever both he and my schedule permit, and that’s that.” 

Remus wouldn’t have thought she actually meant they talk  _ now _ , but then she was excusing herself. She left her tumbler on an end table, squeezed Sirius’ shoulder, and tossed a wink in Remus’ direction. 

“Keep that tracker on you,” she said, gliding to the front door, stumbling over absolutely _nothing_ _at all_ at the last moment just as she reached for her cloak at the coat rack. 

The clatter from her fall woke Mrs. Black’s portrait, setting her off on a new tirade that had Sirius yelling back in return. Remus closed the distance between himself and the witch, wrapping his hands around her arms and lifting her up. 

“Thanks,” she murmured kissing his cheek before disappearing through the door. 

He should turn around. He  _ should _ talk to Sirius. He  _ should _ tell him this has nothing at all to do with  _ trust _ , and everything to do with concern for Sirius’ safety… and keeping things from him to keep his friend from feeling he’s missing out on everything… 

But Sirius huffed a gruff “goodnight” and Apparated from the room on the spot with a loud ‘ _ pop _ ’, leaving Remus alone with his thoughts and a yelling voice from his past. 

* * *

Remus didn’t have to wait long, though. Sirius had always forced the conversation when he felt it important enough. When he felt guilty enough… Which was what Remus was reminding Moony of when there was a knock on his bedroom door twenty minutes later, nixing any stray thoughts of this possibly being Dora. 

“I’m not mad at you,” Sirius started without any preamble as Remus threw open his bedroom door. He folded his arms across his chest, a movement that made everything almost feel like a scene from the past.  _ Almost _ . Sirius continued, “Actually, I am a bit if I’m perfectly honest, but it’s not for what you’re doing. And I’m not even mad at her knowing or how she came to know. Nor am I preemptively upset over anything that may or may not be happening between the two of you.” 

“There’s noth—” 

“Shut it.” Sirius’ eyes pinched shut, shaking his head slowly. “Lead her on and never do anything about it and there will be consequences and family honour that I’ll feel compelled to defend, if Ted doesn’t get to it first, but none of what I’m angry about right now is directly related to  _ you _ .” 

“I know.” 

Sirius’ mouth twisted and he appeared to be chewing the inside of his cheek before finally sighing, arms unfurling and falling to his side. “I’m not even mad you’re out training and doing something for yourself for one of the few times in your life. I’m happy for that and you, and it’s been nice having you back to your old self. It’s like having a piece of the past back, and how can I contend with that?” 

Moony hummed in agreement as Remus gave a low: “Thank you, I suppose.” 

“Suppose nothing, I meant it as a compliment. You’re far too deep in your own head most of the time.” Sirius’ hands slid into his pockets as he held his friends’ stare. “That’s it. I just came to tell you I’m not mad at you or Tonks, before you go and do something foolish like cease everything and hide away to the cabin in the woods again. ”

“I hadn’t considered anything as extreme as that yet.” 

“Well, don’t.” His grey gaze turned to something sharp and demanding. “Just… I’m mad at the situation. I knew going out as Padfoot was a one off, and I’m not handling it well that the bloody Ministry of Magic has all but officially sentenced me to another prison, and I’ve no real purpose in any of this.” 

Remus nodded, because what else could he do? 

“And fucking Peter,” Sirius added with a low growl. 

“Peter.” Remus parroted, running a hand through his hair. “It’s hard to believe we’re still fighting this fight… That we’re stuck in this same nightmare all these years later…”

“As impossible as it is inconceivable.” 

They were silent for a beat, each seemingly lost in his own thoughts while Moony paced about the fringes of Remus’ mind, brimming with an unsettled energy. 

Remus finally dragged a hand through his hair again, rubbing his neck. “I know this is hard for you, Sirius. I really do. I’m sorry for the unfortunate and unreasonable position you’re being put in. It’s… I’d have you out there with me every day if I could. James, Lily, Alice, Frank, were it at all possible.” 

“Thanks.” The corners of Sirius’s lips quirked in a weak smile. “It’s selfish, but it somehow helps that you miss everyone, too.” 

“Of course I do. I… I never  _ not _ miss them, Pads.” He tapped his thumb against his shoulder, chewing on his tongue a beat. “And for whatever it’s worth, Dora did her own investigation to find out what I’d been up to; I didn’t seek her out.” 

“You could, you know.” Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes. “She’s a grown witch capable of making up her own mind and seems like she has about you. Which means I’m expecting you’ll make up your mind about her at some point in the future.” 

Remus began to shake his head, ready to protest. That he  _ couldn’t _ . That she deserved more than he could ever give her. More than he would ever be… 

But Sirius had already turned on his heel, making for the staircase for his room on the level below. “Just don’t take forever deciding,” he called out, not bothering to turn around, his voice echoing in the hall. “Never know what could happen.” 

“ _ He’s right, _ ” Moony groused, fierce and determined. “ _ Mate deserves a chance. Chance to know us.”  _

“It’s not that easy, old boy.” 

“ _ It. IS.”  _

* * *

And it was. 

It turned out Moony had been one hundred percent correct, and inviting Dora into his daily routine, into the more intimate spaces of his life, became one of the easiest things in the world. As natural as breathing or satisfying a deep thirst with water.

Duelling had come as a surprise: 

“Your form is too loose and open,” Remus said. 

“Is not!” 

“Yes. It. Is.” 

“ISN’T!” 

He wanted to huff. Wanted to further argue the finer points of dueling from the stacks of books on fencing he’d read over the years, but Moony took the reigns over his actions and with a few simple flourishes and two non-verbal spells, his partner easily losing her footing and landing in a heap. 

She glared up at him while he closed the gap between them in three long strides, proffering his hand.

“Another round?” 

“Of course.” Her hand slid easily into his, and he swore it was the light of the stars in the middle of the day twinkling in her eyes. 

They duelled over and over, until sweat beaded down his face and their movements felt as more a dance and spells that sparked between them an unspoken promise for… for  _ more _ …

* * *

Swimming became next to impossible with the increasingly chilling temperatures and their resilience to warming charms, but Dora assisted in creating obstacles for a trail course, though she tumbled into them or tripped over them more often than not. 

“You’re laughing again,” she shouted.

“Am not,” he lied, looking over his shoulder at her, even as he continued running. 

“Are too!” She heaved a deep breath, one that almost had him ready to slow for her, until she added: “And when I catch you, I’ll make you pay for it!” 

“ _ Like the sound of that!” _ Moony yipped. 

Remus did, too. Which was why he felt no shame in tossing back that she had to catch him first, before forcing his legs to move even faster… To jump that much higher across the small pit—

_ POP _

“GOTCHA!” 

“FUCK!” 

Remus collided with the ground, the sensation arms banding around him as a body pressed against his. Moony was barking like mad until he blinked up… Meeting a waiting pair of sapphire flecked deep grey eyes… Breathing deep of everything  _ Dora _ … 

Running may now be Remus’ favourite day. It certainly was Moony’s...

* * *

Until climbing. Because, well…  _ Merlin _ … 

Climbing meant he had the perfect excuse to allow her to take the lead, promising to catch her should a hand or foot slip. Or if a rock came loose, and he’d be able to present himself as a sort of knight in shining armour for the first time in his life. 

“ _ Perfect view of her arse, too. Pretty, pretty arse.”  _

_ CRUNCH! CRACK! _

Moony yelped as Remus fell to the ground in an undignified heap. 

He groaned loud and long, Dora giggling and teasing him of “irony” the rest of the afternoon—but only  _ after _ she’d determined he wasn’t seriously injured. Moony whined and groaned that he should feign deeper injury, insisting she’d be more than willing to “ _ search for wounds.” _

But Remus’ pride won out, and he was on his feet in no time, eager to catch up and prove himself equal in every way. 

* * *

“Tell me how that tracker works.” 

They had ensconced themselves into a corner of a Muggle tea shop in a small village in Derbyshire, sharing a large pot of tea and a platter of scones with generous servings of lemon curd and clotted cream. 

“Oh, well, it’s not that much, really.” She shrugged, taking a large bite of scone, making airy gestures with her other hand as she chewed, then swallowed. “A bit similar to  _ Sneakoscopes _ , but it reads magical traces instead of willful intent. I’ve written the twins about how the silvery imprint doesn’t last long, but we haven’t figured out how to work around that yet.”

“Right. Well, it’s ingenious honestly. And with all you have to keep in mind daily as an Auror... are you sure you should haven’t been sorted Ravenclaw?” 

She made a face, snagging another scone. “Nah, happy with my lot in Hufflepuff. Proud of it even.”

“Same…” Remus hummed, then flushing as he cleared his throat. “About Gryffindor, that is.” 

“Perhaps, though,” she started, a thoughtful smile curling up her cheeks, “it could be that in another life the two of us could’ve been sorted into Ravenclaw together. You’d have been a good influence on my study habits and I could have taught you to think a bit more outside the box with things. A proper balance we would have been for each other.” 

A warmth settled over his bones, seeping into his very soul. “I think I would have liked that.” 

He said nothing as her hand settled over his, allowing the unspoken to do the talking for him as his fingers slipped through the gaps between hers. Her smile broadened and that was somehow enough for him. 

Every stolen moment she shared with him seemed more than enough for a lifetime. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Infinte alpha love and credit to LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist. I love you ladies to pieces and thank you both for your time, love and encouragement. Beta credit to CourtingInsanity <3 This would be a mess without your love and extra eyes. All remaining errors are my own. 
> 
> I also want to thank every last one of you who read and have left kudos and comments. They mean the world to me and I'm so grateful! 
> 
> I own no part of the Harry Potter franchises. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

“How the ruddy hell have you been getting away with this all this time?” 

“I’m charming, adorable, and irresistible.” Dora tossed him a wink, lifting her water glass to her lips. 

“ _ Yes. She is.”  _ Moony wasted no time in filling Remus’ mind with a fantasy of wrapping his fingers around the glass, something suave and dashing, before tossing it to the ground, claiming her lips with his as the glass shattered against the floor…

A metaphor for Moony’s shattering resolve with patience and wooing… 

Remus’ hand balled into a tight fist over his bench. “Regardless,” he croaked, leaving her comment uncontended, “you’ve come everyday for weeks, only missing immediately surrounding the moon. How is it you have such a plethora of time with all that must be going on at work?” 

To that, she merely shrugged, setting her glass down, reaching for a crisp. “It’s not free time, per se. Employee reviews are coming up at the end of the year, and Robards always allotts for more individual training time the last quarter. I wasn’t necessarily sure we’d get it again this year, but as it’s still the official position of the Ministry of Magic that we’re not at war, Robards wouldn’t be pleased over handing his superiors a report reflecting a drop in our performance results from last year… Besides, I’ve charmed my assignment receptacle to alert me for new additions while I’m not in the office, so I’ve always an idea of how much work is waiting for me in the office.” 

“Merlin.” It was a scoff. He’d meant it to be a scoff. “So  _ this _ is the sort of efficient standardisation I’ve missed out on all these years in not keeping a steady job.” 

“Suppose it is…” She looked at him now. Really taking the time to observe him, as if she could see through all the layers, down to the very last one… The one he usually found himself lift for her as she asked some sort of customary revealing question. Her head tilted just  _ so _ , loose pink hair gathering around a shoulder. “Have you had a favourite job in all this time?” 

“Professor at Hogwarts.” He answered without any hesitation, without a second thought, unwilling to refuse her honesty in any circumstance. Ever. “I suppose the circumstances for that particular year weren’t conducive to remaining long-term, but had anything happened differently, I was happiest when I felt the most useful. When I was contributing and giving something back to the school that had given so much to me. And I think I would have been happy to remain there.” 

“Swot,” she said, chomping down on a crisp, but the sapphire flecks in her grey eyes were dancing back at him. Her boot brushed against his shoe under the table and didn’t move…

A feral smile split his face. “You say that as if you’re impressed, Dora.” He hardly recognised the depth in his own voice, but he found himself leaning forward, more uncharacteristic words on the tip of his tongue. “As if you  _ like _ that you now spend at least half your time in the company of a swotty former-professor werewolf.” 

“You’re catching on at last,  _ Professor _ Lupin,” she purred, leaning forward as her elbows rested across the table. “Here I was beginning to worry that I hadn’t been obvious enough all these months.” 

She’d called his bluff, the minx. 

She’d called his bluff and Remus didn’t know how to respond. All pretense of flirtation drained from him as Moony howled and crooned for him to capture her lips across the table, then shag her senseless on said table… And suddenly he remembered who he was and why he’d elected to be alone all these years. 

His smile dropped into something mournful, yet kind (he  _ hoped _ ), and he reached across the chasm of the table to take one of her hands into his. “I apologise for that, Dora.” He gave a squeeze and she loosened his grip only to slot her fingers through his, tightening the knotting of their grip, and Godric, he couldn’t hide from her any longer… He  _ wouldn’t _ . “I like you,” he admitted. “A great deal. Probably more than I should. But it’s been a long, long time since I’ve allowed myself any sort of female companionship and even longer still since I and the wolf have felt as strongly for a witch as we both do for you.” 

Understanding lit her eyes as she leaned closer. “How long, Remus?” 

“The occasional one of here and there in my twenties. Seventh year there was a seventh year Ravenclaw I had a mutual arrangement with, but before that was…” He trailed off, huffing, loathing this next confession. “...Lily Evans actually. She was one of my first true friends. One of the first people Moony trusted without any hesitation. It was a quiet sort of thing, but James was loud enough to capture her attention, and outrageous enough to make sure he always held it. Then they were finally together, and that was that.” 

“Hence the mutual arrangement then.” 

“Right.” He cleared his throat, applying gentle pressure to their fingers. “I scare easily and I never think I deserve anything. I’m in constant conflict with every last primal urge and instinct of Moony’s, and I’m frankly a recipe for heartache, Dora. Hence the previous isolation and current hesitation.” 

“Well then…” Her foot shifted, then migrated to rest between his legs. “Suppose I just keep playing obvious while you work through your hesitation, and we’ll find a way to meet somewhere in the middle.” 

Everything in Remus caught and seized. And it wasn’t as if the world fell away and there was only Dora, but more to the point that nothing mattered beyond this moment of selfish indulgence. This moment of  _ her _ .

* * *

“Where are the Christmas decorations?” Dora asked one night (two weeks and five days since the fateful flirtatious lunch  _ exactly _ ; Moony had been counting). She shifted on the sofa, bringing her mismatched-socked feet up to rest on Remus’ legs as she leaned back into a throw pillow. “Christmas has always been an ordeal for us. Mum sometimes still gets all quiet and sad thinking of the big to-do of parties, food, and decorations she was barred from after running off and marrying Dad.” 

_ That _ at least effectively silenced Moony. Remus made certain of that. 

Sirius hadn’t eaten much ( _ again _ , Remus would need to talk to him about that soon enough) and excused himself early tonight. Molly and Arthur had moved back to the Burrow at the beginning of December to prepare the house and presents for Christmas, much to Arthut’s chagrin and Molly’s sharp insistence. Bill would come by for dinner twice weekly, but always leave early enough for a full night of plans with his witch. 

Dora was the consistent daily regular, and true to form, she  _ hadn’t _ hesististed or ceased in her flirtations. Neither had she pushed too much, either. It was only now with her calves and feet spread over his lap that he took note of how they’d come to gravitate towards each other.

“Sirius wants nothing to do with the season here,” Remus answered, sighing and resting his hands on her legs, tracing absent patterns over the rough denim material. “He’s written to Dumbledore for permission to join Harry and the Weasley’s for Christmas at the Burrow, even if it’s just as Padfoot.” 

“Merlin.” She shook her head, twiddling her thumbs over her lap. “ _ That _ must have done a number on his pride.” 

“Mhmm. I’ve written, too, requesting Dumbledore intervene with Molly and allow Harry and Ron come spend half their break here at Grimmauld—figure it’s the least Sirius deserves.” 

“You’re a good man, Remus John Lupin.” Her voice was soft in her admission, as soft as the smile splaying across her face. “Has Dumbledore agreed?’   


Remus’ lips twisted as they pressed into a tight line. “I’m not sure, actually. He said he’ll have McGonagall speak to Molly, but I’ve had the recent impression Dumbledore hasn’t been as hands-on with the school and Harry this year as I would have thought he would be. Or  _ should  _ be.” He shrugged, squeezing the witch’s leg. “Or perhaps I’m simply projecting because I don’t have all the facts.” 

“Nonsense,” she scoffed, jiggling her feet, driving Moony to consider what the consequences would be if his fingers moved to trace patterns  _ there… _ before tickling them and thus releasing a portion of all this pent up energy. Her hair flushed red for a moment before returning to her signature pink as she said, “You’re an excellent judge of character and situations. I’m certain Umbridge has been working a number over the school, and the  _ Prophet _ is only reporting small portions of what’s really happening. Dumbledore has his hands full with the lot of it, but even he makes mistakes every once in a while. He’s human, too.” 

“I suppose,” he hummed, not certain why her last words floated in his mind most. Sticking out as something he’d never considered before. Dumbledore had been the first figurehead in authority to give him a chance, to believe him as equal as any child, and later as competent and deserving as any adult for a proper job in the wizarding world. 

The idea that he was as ordinary and mortal as any of them, as prone to error and mistake… well. That had simply never occurred to Remus, and Moony all but balked at the idea. In fact—

“Remus…?” 

He blinked over to her, shaken from his ruminitions at the husky undercurrent of her voice. 

She sucked a sharp breath, gazing unblinking back at him, her legs perfectly still over his lap. “How far am I allowed to take this? How far are you willing to let me go in my pursuit?” 

“I hadn’t…” He licked his lips, eyes falling to hers as his hands now cradled the sides of her feet. “To be really honest, I hadn’t planned on discouraging anything. Cowardly of me I know, since I’m not making a declaration of sorts or anything, and—

It happened so fast, _ too fast _ . Too quick to savour and hold to how it happened. It was a flash of an instant, and he’d never be able to fully remember or piece back together the following events in his mind. The moment when Nymphadora Tonks went from being flopped across the sofa and  _ him _ to sitting on his lap. 

On. His. Lap. 

Straddling him, really. With her lips dotting tender kisses on his cheek. His brow. His temple. His second cheek. Then nuzzling her nose to his, and focusing her heated gaze directly into his. 

“Too much?” 

Everything was wired and sparked and lit, and Moony has begun barking commands of what course of action to take next. “Not even,” he rasped, his face falling into the space between her neck and shoulder. He drew a fortifying breath, silencing every screaming protest of being undeserving.  _ Unworthy. _

“What do you want, Remus?” Her fingers carded through his hair and all the world was gold and Pink and  _ Dora _ as he breathed deep of her glorious scent once more before lifting his head and pressing his lips to her neck. 

“ _ Soft,”  _ Moony hummed, and Remus didn’t disagree. “ _ Soft and sweet. Sweet like chocolate.”  _

Remus kissed her neck again, a space above where his lips had just been, breathing her name against her skin as she angled her neck up, allowing unrestricted access to this heavenly path up to her face. She sighed something that he presumed was approving and enjoying as he transitioned to a spot by her ear, but it’d been so ruddy long since he’d been in this position, and—

“Remus...” Her fingers threaded and threaded through his hair still, one of her nails tracing the tips of his ear. 

He was groaning and nuzzling into her touch. Because she was  _ here _ . She could be anywhere else in the world, could be with anyone else, yet she was here with him. 

With. Him.

And with her body willing and responding, her curves lush, and denim-clad sex grinding against the zipper of his own trousers, he was very quickly forgetting why he’d been denying the both of them such pleasure up till now. 

And he hadn’t even kissed her right and proper yet. 

“ _ Need to,”  _ Moony growled, and Remus whole-heartedly agreed with him. 

Remus withdrew from his ministrations at her neck and jaw, his hand dragging up her side before he cupped her cheek, gaze locking to hers. “I’m going to kiss you, Dora.” 

“About time,” she breathed, her eyes fluttering closed as he dipped down, ghosting a breath over those perfectly pouty pink lips he’d dreamed of for months—

“Hello, hello?” 

Remus froze, everything crashing to a sudden halt. His blood thundering in his ears as he tried to place the foreign voice. 

It called out again: “Is there anyone still awake about this household? Can anyone hear me?” 

“That’s Phineas’ portrait,” Dora said, suddenly all business and no-nonsense. She was off his lap before he had time to connect the dots of the Black family tree, and why this voice would mean the end of whatever was happening here. Her wand drawn as she rushed to the doorway. “Come on, Remus.” 

“Right. Coming.” And he was, but there were pressing issues that needed to be willed away before he was in any state to move… And the smirk Dora was currently flashing him as her eyes danced their way down his face to the tenting in his trousers was  _ not  _ helping. 

“Phineas’s portrait is in the room Harry slept in when you’re ready,” she said, taking a side-step towards the stairs. “And in case you’d forgotten or weren’t aware, he has another portrait hanging in Dumbledore’s office.” 

“What?” 

That did the trick. Moony was instantly snapping his jaw and flashing his teeth. “ _ Pup, pup, pup,”  _ he yapped, seizing control of Remus’ legs to have him racing just behind Dora up the stairs. 

“Is anyone there?” Phineas called again, sounding more than a little annoyed. “Sirius Orion Black this is not a means of torture; I’ve an urgent message from Professor Dumbledore.” 

A door slammed and footfalls thundered throughout the house. The stairs creaked and groaned, some walls actually shaking in the wake of such clatter. Family portraits yawned then clamoured to the edges of their frames to know what all the fuss was about after months of minimal activity, and Mrs. Black’s portrait screeched at a volume that was truly impressive for a nonliving object. 

Remus rounded the last landing just as Sirius burst through the designated room, tone demanding and insistent: “What the fuck as happened?”    
  
“No need for such vulgarity, young Master Black,” the portrait answered, face twisting in a sneer as Remus and Dora rush across the threshold and over to Sirius. “You would do well to remember that I am not your enemy. No one in this house is, as a matter of fact.” 

“Tell that to Mother’s portrait,” Sirius snapped, eyes flashing. “And I’ll thank you to save the lecture on decorum for someone who gives a damn and tell us what’s happened!” 

“Very well,” Phineas’ portrait conceded, heaving a great sigh. “I’ve a message from the headmaster that Arthur Weasley was injured and you’re to prepare for the arrival of all the Weasley children and young Harry Potter.” 

“Arthur injured?” 

“How?”

“Is Molly all right?” 

“Is Harry all right?” 

“How does Dumbledore know?” 

“SILENCE!” Phineas bellowed The portrait’s judging face fell back into an easy banal glare as he blinked at the room’s three occupants. “I’m afraid I’ve no further answers for the lot of you, so I suggest you focus all this frustration on doing as you’ve been asked and leave me in peace.” 

“Not so fast,” Sirius yelped, lunging forward, his hands grabbing at the bottom corners of the frame. “You can’t come in all high and mighty like this and just leave us without anything else to go on!” 

Phineas merely laughed, a sound that seemed to toe the line between cruel and bored, enraging Moony, Remus, and Sirius, leaving Dora the lone person with any sense or scent of composure in the room. 

“I don’t know what else to tell you, Sirius,” Phineas finally said. “I wasn’t given the details. I’m merely the humble messenger come to tell all that Arthur Weasley has been injured, and prepare for the arrivals of the Weasley family along with Harry Potter.” He huffed as he brushed at nonexistent dust on the shoulder of his robes, making a disapproving face in Remus and Dora’s direction. “I would recommend my great-great-grandniece and her werewolf make themselves presentable pending company arrival.” 

Phineas was gone without another word, leaving Remus and Moony to wrestle between fear, shame, and worry as he righted his shirt and denims once more, then fussed with his hair in an attempt to look less snogged—especially when he  _ hadn’t.  _

Sirius still clutched frames, chest heaving. He appeared so lost… So deeply caught up in a torrent of emotions. 

Dora spoke first, one hand lifting to pat Sirius’ shoulder, while the other reached for Remus. “Once here, the kids aren’t allowed to leave,” she said, firm and unwavering as she slotted her fingers through Remus’. “I’ll check the perimetre about the house, it’s to be made crystal clear that no one is leaving this house tonight.”

Sirius’ hands fell to his sides as he gave a dark chuckle. “They’re not going to like that. No one appreciates sitting and twiddling thumbs while waiting for news.” 

“I know.” Dora’s voice was full of empathy. “But this is the mission at hand: Keep the kids here and safe. And will give it our best.” 

* * *

Arthur Weasley was in St. Mungo’s. And would be there for several more days yet. Moony sensed Harry was a disturbing combination of afraid and angry, which led Remus to worry about the depths of struggles he was sinking into this year. Sirius was still reeling from the outburst of Fred and George when they first arrived at Grimmauld—how he’d been accused of doing nothing for the cause.  And yet, none of these happenings were the main focus of Remus’ attention. In fact, he had to make a great deal of a conscious effort to focus on all the right things, because all Remus could seem to think about was what had been happening  _ before _ all of this. 

How perfect Dora had fit in his arms. How right she had felt. How her scent had been everywhere and how he’d still yet to taste her… 

And how it would be possible to recreate the moment in the midst of all this…  _ this _ . It was Christmas morning and a wife and children were in the throws of the consequences of war, Harry was subjected to yet another Christmas with knowing how much his mother loved Christmas; how she would make sure every last inch of inhabitable space was adorned with something festive, and how James pulled no stops with Christmas pranks, and—

_ Knock, knock, knock!  _

“ _ Padfoot?” _ Moony had been a sleepily curled ball, contenting himself with thoughts of Dora as Remus had again been attempting to think on things that were of true and lasting importance—

_ Knock, knock, knock, knock! _

“Coming,” Remus called, summoning his pajama pants, a plain t-shirt and a pair of socks, slipping everything on before padding across the cold floor. “We’ve already got—” 

But his words caught in his throat as he opened the door, drinking in the sight waiting for him. 

There was simply no other way to put it. 

Because Dora was  _ there _ . Standing right outside his door, swathed in a bulky coat and scarf, cheeks and nose a pink more vibrant than her hair, eyes all aglow in the dim morning light. 

“Happy Christmas, Remus,” she murmured, digging into her pocket before proffering a small parcel wrapped in brightly coloured paper. “I know I’ll be back here in a few hours, but I just needed to see you and only you before everything with the day came at us, and—”

Remus would never know what she’d been about to say next, but perhaps that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. It was the simplest of declarations in its own way, but it spoke volumes and it was now his turn to reciprocate. To make a stand of his own.    
  
And so he kissed her. Void of hesitation or reserve, he cupped her cheeks with his palms, winding his fingers in her hair as he sank into the sensation of kissing Dora. 

She hummed and twined her arms around his shoulders. Something dropped to the floor behind him, but neither of them could be bothered enough to end the moment. The moment turning to something  _ more _ with every passing moment as Dora lifted herself to the tips of her toes, opening her mouth to him. It was savouring and consuming and all he’d imagined it to be… and  _ more _ . Full of unspoken promise as their lips found a lazy, languid rhythm. 

“Can’t breathe,” she chuckled, pulling back, and Moony would have protested, but she was quick to nuzzle her nose against his, sending a chill down Remus’ spine. She licked her lips, the flakes of sapphire in her grey eyes iridescent as she studied him. “I think I dropped your present, but no matter—what brought this on?” 

“Mistletoe,” he purred, waggling his eyebrows and lifting his eyes to a sprig he wandlessly conjured. He’d never considered himself smooth or talented where witches were concerned, but it seemed he had a few tricks about him 

Dora hummed, a smirk of her own climbing up her face as she leaned back into him, bringing her lips back to Remus’ in a kiss that melted away his every last worry and care… 

Until a throat cleared in the hallway and the were forced apart, Dora laughing and excusing herself with a final brush of her lips to his cheek. “See you soon,” she promised, Disapparating from outside his door to what must have been the front door, as he caught a faint ‘ _ pop’ _ just before the front door opened then closed. 

Remus’ throat bobbed as he sheepishly met the soft, almost glistening eyes of Molly Weasley. 

“Happy Christmas, Remus.” 

“Happy Christmas,” he answered, raking a hand through his hair, collecting her gift to him from the floor, and excusing himself to his room. 

The memory of Dora’s touch haunted his lips the duration of the day. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'alllllllllll!!! Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments with this nonsense <3 it means so much to me!   
Endless thanks to my alpha and beta squad: LadyKenz347, Frumpologist, and CourtingInsanity. I love you ladies and am so very thankful for y'all. All remaining errors are my own. 
> 
> No copyright infringement intended, I own no part of the Harry Potter franchise.

* * *

“You’re really— _ mmmphmm _ — good with— _ mmmm _ —kids, you know that?”

Moony preened under her praise while Remus dotted kisses from the corner of Dora’s mouth to her cheek then over to jawline. “And you’re talking rather than snogging. Less than ideal at the moment.” 

Her chuckle was silken soft in his ears. “Allow me to make it up to you, then.” 

And she set out to do precisely that, looping her arms around his shoulders, sinking her fingers in his hair, mouth open to his. They clung to each other amidst the woods at Remus’ old cabin, snow and twigs crunching under their boots; a paradox of hot and cold as sparks lit and burst everywhere touching and being touched by Dora against the bitter January wind. 

“ _ Cabin, _ ” Moony yipped. “ _ Warm. Bed.”  _

It took everything in Remus to not seize and freeze on the spot. It wasn’t as if he  _ hadn’t _ thought of it,  _ hadn’t _ dreamed of Dora sharing the space between the sheets in his bed, her pink hair fanning across his pillow… And even if they  _ did _ venture into the cabin, nothing more than snogging had to happen if—

Dora broke away, leaning her forehead to his, breathing heavily and  breaking through his train of thought. Remus wasn't quite sure he'd come to a decision yet (as much as Moony had).”

“Aren’t we supposed to be duelling?” she asked, hushed and teasing, as if sharing an intimate scandal. 

“I thought we were, love.” He nuzzled his nose to hers, tightening his grip on her waist as the wind picked up, whistling through bare branches. “This is everything Mills and Boon—tongues battling for dominance as I bind my arms around you and snog you senseless against this tree. It’s sunny and there’s fresh snow on the ground for the ambience.” 

Her answering laugh tinkled in the air around them, warming him to the marrow. “And how do you know of Muggle romance novels?” 

“I read.” Moony’s smirk turned absolutely feral as Remus dipped his head, nipping and sucking at her lower lip. “The question, my darling, is, how do  _ you _ know of them?” 

“Modern as any half-blood, love,” she murmured, grinding her hips against him, looking thoroughly satisfied with herself as he audbibly groaned. “Have every Beatles song memorised and even know of a few shows on Muggle telly.” 

Conversation gave way to snogging after that; Remus silencing Moony’s commands for the cabin while allowing Dora to turn them and hold him captive against a tree. Bliss and sweet surrender to the rush and passion, not knowing exactly when there would be another free moment such as this… 

Minutes or hours later, his lungs demanded air, and he was forced to break away, pesky realisations like their current location, why they were here, and other responsibilities crashing over his mind. “How much longer until you’ve got to show your face at work?” 

She shook her head, pink hair swishing around her shoulders. “Switched today so I could take all the time needed to get the kids to Hogsmeade. Working the weekend though.” 

“Brilliant, then. Considering we haven’t even started to train yet and Merlin only knows how long we’ve already been here.” 

“Right.” She giggled, eyes shining and bright as they bored into his. “You’re not just a fling for me,” she said, as plain and simple as noting it was snowy today. She cupped his cheek with one hand, holding him close as her other hand curled in his hair. “I meant it about the kids. I have a long and growing list of things I respect about you, and the kids are part of that. I like you. Quite a lot.” 

Cold tendrils of fear wound and wrapped around his heart. 

The moment had passed. Dreams and fantasies would only last for so long, no matter how real and tangible, and alive this witch felt in his arms. 

“ _ Our witch, _ ” Moony barked, even as Remus was already protesting. 

His throat bobbed and he was helpless to do anything more than hold her in the warmest of embraces, for one more stolen moment. Full of protection and care that he would never be able to put into words, drinking in her scent as Moony snarled and barked loud protests against Remus’ defeatist thoughts. “I like you, too, Dora,” Remus managed, nuzzling his cheek over her hair. 

Her grip tightened and he hated the voices in his head. Loathed the taunting that this was the beginning of the end already.  Choked on the understanding that Dora would see what Remus had always known: Reality was the cruel mistress of fate.

It burned knowing that Dora would soon see that he could never be enough. That he’d only hold her back from the life she truly deserved. 

Even Moony howled a lonesome howl as Remus and Dora stood in the trees and snow, clinging to each other for just a few more fleeting moments of happiness.

* * *

It was quiet in the aftermath of Harry’s interruption earlier in the evening. Well, quiet after Sirius had ranted and cursed Severus to high heaven and back. Not that Remus blamed Sirius for his fury—the Occlumency lessons had been a direct request from Dumbledore, and as godfather, Sirius had every right to be outraged by Severus’ reaction tonight.

But perhaps it’d already been asking too much of Severus to work in such a vulnerable way with the son of the man he’d hated most in school… The day Harry demanded answers especially wasn’t one Remus was proud of. He’d long suspected James had been extra hateful out of vibrant green jealousy of the former-Slytherin’s close friendship with Lily more than anything—not that that was any excuse...

“He was really upset, then,” Sirius said, voice thick and grey eyes distant. 

“Harry or Severus?” Remus quiered, canting his head in a weak attempt at a crooked smile. 

“Don’t be a berk.” Sirius snorted, raking his hair behind his ear. “Always the peacemaker, but you know good and well I couldn’t give a bloody fuck how Snivellus is feeling about all this; he should be the bigger man and the adult here—”

“Because  _ you _ always are.” Remus levelled his friend with a stony look. 

Which Sirius took with all the poise and dignity of a mature adult, calmly flipping Remus off before dragging both hands through his hair—an action which signalled for Remus to stop teasing. Things were  _ serious _ when Sirius was messing with his hair. 

Remus gave a thoughtful stroke of his chin before asking, “Can you blame Harry for his reaction? That was quite the memory to experience.” 

“I know.” Sirius loosed a heavy sigh. “To be honest, it was a bit jarring reliving that day through Harry’s eyes, too… And when he burst out that  _ he’s  _ fifteen, too… Fuck, Remus. You let us get away with being awful little shites, didn’t you?” 

“Eh… I don’t know about that.” He shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m not proud of several things, but I tend to compartmentalise what was done for the sake of Moony’s pack. And days like that one tend to fade and blur with the passing of time.” 

Silence. For several long beats. 

And then: “Were we really that rough to put up with?” There was a distinct undercurrent of pain and hurt in Sirius’ tone, yanking at both Remus’ and Moony’s conscience.

“No!” Remus burst, not entirely certain at all how he could convey the depth of everything to his friend, but knowing he had to try. “You have to know, Sirius surely you know that if I thought you’d crossed a line, I wouldn’t have allowed you lot to keep buggering around. I’d have shut you all out back in our first year.” 

“But you always were the best of us,” Sirius countered. “The least reckless… The one who talked us down and tried to get all of us to see reason.” 

Remus shook his head. “And I was the one who plotted out all the charms necessary for the map. I was the one who nicked all the ingredients needed once you all set out for Animagus transfiguration.” He paused, forcing Sirius to meet his hard gaze, lest Sirius carry on under any false pretenses of Remus’ morality. “There may have been some underlying loyalty towards my first real friends in the beginning, but that’s as depthless and shaky as Harry’s impression of his parents. I genuinely cared for all of you. You were my family—and still  _ are _ .” 

Sirius’ throat bobbed as he seemed to be chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Thank you,” he managed at last, nodding and sighing again. “I still hate Harry had to know about that day in particular, though.” 

“Me too,” Remus agreed. “I’m sure it’s hard when all he has is stories to keep his parents alive. When the memories fail to live up to his expectations and what he believes to be true, it must be jarring.” 

“And James isn’t here to defend himself. Or offer another point of view.” Sirius stroked his chin, gaze going distant again. “Or even apologise for the failures of his past. At least we have the chance for that with Harry.” 

“True.” Remus nodded. “Though, I don’t plan on sitting Harry down and telling him all the ways we failed and acted like utter tossers in school.” 

Sirius barked a laugh, brushing his hair back again. “Merlin, no. As little as possible if you please… Though…” He looked back to Remus, a slow smirk climbing his face. “D’you think you’ll ever tell him you fancied Lily at some point?” 

“ _ Never _ !” Remus balked, his head falling back, hands raking through his hair before he lifted his head and met Sirius’ teasing eyes. “I never found a way to tell  _ James _ that, and how he never caught on was a testament to how thick he could be.” The kitchen was once again filled with Sirius’ laughter while Remus shook his head, continuing: “It’s enough that Dora knows about the extent of my feelings there, but telling Harry...? I can’t even fathom a reason that should ever come up in conversation.” 

“You’ve told Tonks?” Sirius’s head tilted, as if invisible puzzle pieces were falling into place for him. “This… whatever’s going on—it’s serious for you, isn’t it?” 

Caught. He was caught by his own admission and now there was nowhere to hide. Nothing he could say to downplay the situation…  _ Bugger. _ “I like her,” he said, resigned and flat. “But this is war, my friend. There’s an expiration date looming overhead, whether I want it or not.” 

“Say there wasn’t though?” Sirius insisted, leaning forward in his seat. “Say the two of you had just met on the street or a pub? Or better yet, say we both make through this war alive? Say we all do? Would there still be an endpoint?” 

“It’s inevitable, I’m afraid.” Remus shook his head, determined to make Sirius see reason. “She’s a young Auror on the cusp of the rest of her life. I’m a werewolf who isn’t allowed to hold a job through legal processes. I’ll only keep her back in the long run.” 

Sirius’ mouth opened and closed several times, his dark brows furrowing as visceral expressions passed over his face. He wrapped his fingers around his chin, studying Remus in the screaming silence. But he voiced none of whatever he was obviously working through and Remus eventually went back to his reading and notes, swallowing Moony’s every last protest as he did. 

“Good night, Remus,” Sirius said at long last, rising and making his way from the kitchen. 

“ _ Idiot,” _ Moony barked, baring his teeth at Remus. “ _ Mate won’t leave. Just as pack won’t leave _ .” 

Remus shook his head, biting back any and all retorts. No one else understood. No one else possibly could. But loneliness had been Remus’ constant company for three decades, even when at school with his found family. 

And that would never, ever change.

* * *

“Bill’s bringing me on as a private consultant at Gringotts for the next several weeks.” 

“Oh?” 

“Mhmm.” Remus hummed, trying to reign both his and Moony’s excitement and pride. Though, a small part of him didn’t  _ want _ to be modest… This was a good thing for him. A very good thing, indeed. He continued: “It seems someone has passed away and willed a vast share of their vault holding to the Ministry Archives for display, and Gringotts won’t release anything to the Ministry until a full inventory has been made and every item checked for curses.” 

Her lips bowed in a smile as brilliant and genuine and pink as her hair. And they were far too kissable to let the moment pass without taking advantage of such an opportunity. She obliged him happily, opening her mouth to his, bringing a hand to his face, tracing her thumb over his stubbled cheek.

“That’s brilliant, Remus,” she murmured when they broke for air. She threaded her fingers through his and cuddled deeper into his side. “I’m happy for you. And the work. I reckon this means you’ll be occupied most of the day now, right?”

“It does.” He dropped a kiss to her hair, squeezing their twined fingers while his own heart clenched with such acknowledgement of the facts. “But you’ll be starting to work the night shift the night after tomorrow anyways, and wouldn’t have the energy or time to put into extra training, would you?” 

“Suppose not.” She lifted her face, placing the softest of kisses to his jaw, her breath tickling as she continued: “It’s possible I’d hoped those times could be ours to have and keep for a long while, and now that it’s come to an end, I’ll miss it.” 

Oh. Godric. This was what it felt like to choke on one’s own tongue while the heart simultaneously lept into one’s throat. Moony absolutely  _ keened _ as he lunged forward, demanding Remus Apparate them from the study sofa to the bedroom  _ now _ …    
  
He gathered her up into his lap, banding his arms around her lithe waist. He buried his face in the delectable space between her neck and shoulder, drinking her scent as she now combed her fingers through his hair. “You’ll still come for dinners even with the shift change, yeah?” His voice was cracked and thick with the weight of change and the beginning of the end, and it was inconceivable to want to give this up—give  _ her _ up—when he didn’t have to. 

Not yet, at least.

“Of course, silly. I wouldn’t miss them for anything in the world… Need to keep up my strength if I’m going to be out and about all hours of the night keeping Britain safe and all.” 

Moony basked in her nearness, calming the tighter Remus held her. Dora seemed to understand, and maybe even needed his closeness as much as he needed hers. And it was not for the first time that Remus thought of how very easy and simple it would be to whisk them away to his bedroom upstairs; to fortify it with a dozen silencing and locking charms… But it’d been so long. Too long, and she’d notice… And none of that was a conversation he was willing to have over a shared breakfast with Sirius and any other Order member who happened to pop by the next morning… 

So he forced himself to be content with hushed lovers conversation, shared kisses, and roaming hands; to be fully present and savour the time he’d been gifted...

Perhaps she felt something similar, too; not pushing or asking for more, and spending a great deal of time looking in his eyes. Her goodnight kiss was slow and lingering, and tasted of something  _ new _ . Something frightening. Something he’d run from his entire life, as hard as Moony had sought to find it and run toward it.

Moony was bursting with thoughts as Remus trudged up the stairs to his room. “ _ Job. Pay. Can work. Can care for mate.”  _

“Down, boy, down.” Remus shook his head. “It’s easy to hope, but there’s still no guarantee we’ll make it out of this alive, and even then...”

* * *

All the training in the world couldn’t prepare Moony for the onslaught of instincts and impulses in the heat of battle. It’d been easy to forget that. 

“ _ Mate! Pup! Padfoot!”  _

Remus’ mind was an explosion of barks, growls, and indecisive and unhelpful directions, and it was a challenge to keep up with such rapid-fire inner monologue. 

“ _ So fast,” _ Moony snarled. “ _ Move faster _ .” 

He wasn’t wrong; Remus needed to get the bloody hell moving. Spells, hexes, and people were flying and sprinting. He needed to  _ not _ be distracted by the fact that the first half of the year had gone by  _ so fast _ . That it seemed he’d blinked and here he was—in the midst of a fight to the death to protect his former-students. To protect Sirius and Dora, as much as he was present to fight by their side—

A burst of red zoomed in his direction, brightening in his vision and he threw himself into a non-verbal shield charm while sending a hex right back with a practiced flourish of his wand. The room was a cacophony of warnings, shouts, cries, and demands. Dora crowed in victory as she’d stunned Lucius Malfoy, and Moony snapped commands of moving closer to her. 

Remus threw himself into doing exactly that when Moony’s ears twitched. A sharp cry filled the room and Hermione Granger collapsed to the ground. 

“ _ Too many.”  _

“No.” Remus gripped his wand with all the strength he possessed. “We got this, old boy. Stay with me.” 

Sirius rammed into Dolohov, placing himself near Harry, giving Remus time to search the chaos for Dora… 

Only to catch sight of a flash of green…

And see Dora go limp. 

And tumble down, down,  _ down _ the stone steps. 

“ _ Mate! _ ” Moony howled and shrieked, seizing control of everything within Remus; his instincts turned feral. His vision cleared, the edges twinging red as he scanned the room with a renewed bloodlust. He would see the end of every last Death Eater in this room. Gripping his wand until his knuckles felt white hot, power bubbling and centring from somewhere deep inside him. 

Shield. Stunner. Shield. _Bombarda._ _Incarcerous. _Shield. 

His senses heightened and thrummed, driven by a need to get to  _ her. _ His ear twitched in warning and Moony snarled; without forethought Remus crashed to his knees, narrowly avoiding a jet of green. He didn’t check to see if it landed; he could tell by the sick crunch of bone against stone. 

Just in front of him, Sirius kept near to Harry and Neville, bridging the gap between them and dark magic in that way that only Sirius could. They were safe, safe as they could be, which aided in Moony’s campaign to get as close to Dora as he could. 

“DUBBLEDORE!” 

The shout was as victorious as ridiculous, momentarily stealing Remus’ attention from his witch crumpled on the floor. 

Remus’ eyes first caught on Neville, standing triumphantly. Following his gaze, Remus found

where Dumbledore stood in a framed doorway above them. Fierce, white, and unafraid. 

Warm relief coursed through Remus, while chaos reigned supreme. He ducked his attention back to Dora, checking first for a pulse and sighing in relief at the thrumming in the hollow of her jaw. Then he set about smoothing her hair from her face, noting a gash on her brow that needed mending. 

Over his shoulder, Sirius taunted  _ someone _ ; Remus caught sight of a violent stream of red barreling from the outstretched wand of Bellatrix Lestrange. 

Before Remus could think to yell, shout, or scream, Sirius crumbled. 

Crumbled. 

Falling from sight, grey eyes wide in shock. 

And in a singular horrifying moment, everything ceased. The once wild noises of the room quieted and Remus swore his heart stopped. 

Then, like a snap of his fingers, everything crashed into motion. Moony was everywhere and everything, a consuming sea of red rage. Angry, horrified screams tore from Harry’s lips, Sirius’ name over and over. Bellatrix’ crazed cries clanged about the room, taunts echoing loudly in Remus’ soul. Darting to his feet, Remus looked for the source of the wails, eyes landing on a frenzied Harry, ready to charge back to the dais.

“ _ Pup!” _ Moony’s cry spurred Remus into action, lunging at Harry, wrapping him in his arms as the youth thrashed, his weight buckling under the most dangerous cocktail of grief and rage. A cocktail Remus knew too well. As Harry fought against his hold, he repeated useless jargon, words that would never be enough, a vain attempt to keep some portion of his pack close and safe and fucking  _ alive. _

A shriek to his left stole his attention, distracting him from the present for less than a heartbeat. That was all it took and Harry disentangled himself as another curse barrelled their way. Remus turned, flourishing his wand and bolstering a shield as Harry got free. Foreign magic beat against his barrier and he felt his old worn boots slip against the stone. 

Harry was gone. Dora was unprotected. Children were crying out in pain. 

Moony surged in anger and grief, and all Remus could do was curse his human limbs for not being fast enough to save everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I read through "The Order of the Phoenix" in preparation for writing this story, I was reminded that something happens to Neville's nose and he's talking funny the whole battle scene, and actually yells out "DUBBLEDORE!" the typo was on purpose, lol <3 
> 
> Also... sorry for the cliffhanger!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who read and kudos and leave reviews <3 all my love to you guys!   
Thanks again to my alpha and beta team, LadyKenz347, Frumpologist and CourtingInsanity. I wouldn't be writing without y'all. <3  
All remaining errors are my own. 
> 
> See end of chapter for further notes.

* * *

Alive. Alive. Alive.

They were all mysteriously, mercifully, and miraculously alive. The word had never sounded so sweet and pure, ringing as a bell of celebration in Remus’ chest. 

_ “Alive _ .” Moony breathed, “ _ Warm.  _ ** _Alive_ ** .” 

Remus couldn’t deny the werewolf his primal observations or needs, not when the delicate fingers he’d laced between his felt so very soft and  _ alive.  _ He’d already checked the pulse at her wrist and neck multiple times with his free hand, heaving a relieved sigh every time he felt the thrum of blood in her veins from her beating heart. 

Alive. 

Dora was alive. Sirius had made it, too. 

_ Relief. Sweet relief.  _

The witch stirred in her sleep, her face pinching in a harsh grimace. Remus squeezed their twined fingers, leaning in to drop a kiss to her temple. “You’re all right, love. You’re all right. Andromeda and Ted will be here soon, and Poppy’s got you fixed up right as rain. You’ll be fit to leave soon.” 

Moony’s ears perked, a beaming grin splitting his face. “ _ Mate can come home with  _ ** _us_ ** _ . We care for Padfoot. We care for mate.”  _

A lump inexplicably formed in Remus’ throat as he warily traced the figure of the sleeping witch. The witch so much of him desperately wanted for his own. To keep her safe and away from harm for always. 

“ _ Protect mate. Protect pack.” _

“It’s not that simple, Moony,” he croaked, blinking several times and fighting back the sudden welling of hot tears at the corners of his eyes. 

Moony scowled.  _ “It  _ ** _is.” _ **

“The Ministry can’t deny we’re at war now, and…” He cut himself off, trying to swallow, though his mouth felt as sand. “We’ll have Padfoot to nurse for a bit and Andromeda will probably want her daughter home with her, too.” 

“ _ Visit lots,”  _ Moony urged. 

Remus dragged a hand through his hair, grabbing at the back of his neck as he studied Dora. “There will be a mission for us soon enough.”

“ _ No running. Need to stay.”  _

Remus only shook his head. “It’s not that simple,” he murmured again, almost as if he could will himself to believe it, too.

* * *

“Thank you for sitting with her, Remus.” 

Remus blinked furiously, yanking himself back to reality. He’d been lost to a foggy, hazy labyrinth of thought, wish, and imagination. A world of “what-ifs” and dreams. It was almost jarring to hear a voice that sounded so much like Dora’s addressing him, as if his witch had risen from her bed and had begun to talk about herself in the third person. But it wasn’t Dora, and for half-a-moment cold fear clamoured and seized at Remus as he took in the figure now sitting across the bed from him. 

He cleared his throat, forcing his hand into a tight fist to keep from reaching for his wand. “Not at all, Andromeda.” His eyes drifted back to Dora, reminding himself once more that she was alive, and would be on the mend soon enough, savouring the dazzle of her bubblegum-pink hair and the spattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks… “I’m sure she’ll be happy to have you here when she wakes up,” he said, rising from his seat. 

“Please don’t feel you need to leave on our account,” Ted whispered, conjuring a chair beside his wife. “We’d enjoy the company.” 

“Not at all.” Remus shook his head, casting a look about the family, heart clenching at the sense of rightness and belonging falling over the hospital bed… 

“ _ Don’t leave,”  _ Moony urged. “ _ Stay.”  _

Remus bit down on his lip, sending the wolf a wave of thoughts: This family deserved their space. With no outsider interruption. “Thank you, Ted. I ought to check on Sirius and talk with Dumbledore. Shall I ask Poppy to send for a pot of tea?” 

“No, thank you.”

“That’d be jolly good, yes.” 

The couple exchanged glances with each other, eyes and eyebrows doing all the talking before they smiled weakly and looked up to Remus—who was quite off guard with the love and familiarity radiating between the couple…  _ They made it look so easy, even in disagreeing… _

Ted spoke first. “We’ll share a pot with you when you come back, if that would suit you.” 

“Of course.” Remus nodded, rounding the end of the bed. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, then.” He allowed himself another glance at the bed before turning, determined to focus on Sirius and his intentions with Dumbledore, when—

“Remus.”

He turned around, finding Andromeda standing again, her jaw trembling, soft eyes taking on a glassy sheen. “Was… was she… that is, was Bella…?” 

“She was there,” he supplied, keeping her from having to speak the unspeakable. The impossible that her older sister fought against and openly attacked her daughter. “I’ll be back with the tea shortly,” he promised. 

It was truly all he could do to keep that promise, but Moony hounded him to return after every approving hum at seeing everyone still all right, and even nearly on the mend: Sirius was still asleep, with Harry and Ron eating sandwiches and chocolates at his bedside. Poppy had already set Neville Longbottom’s nose to rights, and both he and young Miss Lovegood were seeing to Hermione and Ginny. 

Dumbledore sat in a chair at the head of the hospital wing, a silent guardian watching over those he loved, and it was with great reluctance that Remus interrupted his silent vigil…

...Though he oughtn’t have felt guilty over it.

The discussion didn’t last long, as Dumbledore insisted they wait until Sirius could be properly involved to sort out all the details. 

Moony howled, barked, and loudly disagreed with every word from Remus’ mouth, every thought he poured into each word… Refusing to be calmed even as Remus made his way back to Dora’s bedside with a tea tray.

“ _ Running away. Don’t like it.”  _

“I’m doing what’s necessary in times of war, old boy.” 

“ _ Coward. _ ” 

“I am  **not** ** _.” _ **

Moony only sniffed, curling himself into an angry heap, coursing waves of fury and frustration through Remus’ entire being… Find peace and consolement only when Remus had taken up his empty seat next to Dora’s bed, and his hand had found its way back to hers. 

Parents present, and all. 

He was still a gentleman. And he would give her all the care and affect she deserved while he still could.

* * *

It seemed Moony ended up being right: Remus was a coward—worse still, though. He, Remus John Lupin, was a selfish coward. He hadn’t stayed away. Hadn’t kept as busy as possible with Sirius or planning. Or training. 

Instead, he’d done the minimum research and planning as his mind believed sufficient for a day. He tended to Sirius, but the stubborn wizard insisted he’d received worse between his parents, Moony, and the Dementors, and refused to be doted on after more than a few days home from the hospital wing. 

Even more inexcusable was that Remus hadn’t simply  _ not _ kept himself from Dora, but continued to see her on a daily basis. For  _ hours _ and  _ hours _ —up to a third of the hours in a day sometimes. It had all started innocently enough with Sirius accepting an invitation for the both of them from Andromeda to high tea the first day he was permitted out of bed. Tea had stretched into dinner that first time. Then the second. Third. Then fourth…

It was now the seventh day in a row for such invitations, and Sirius had long since returned to Grimmauld; Remus remaining and currently cuddled on a sofa with Dora. Her parents had disappeared for bed hours ago. 

Tonight was the last night, though. Remus and Sirius were to leave for their mission tomorrow afternoon and something deep within Remus ached. Ached and mourned… Something that was entirely separate from Moony clung to these last precious moments, like the summer sun clawing for every last breath of daylight before surrendering the sky to the inky dark of the night and cold light of the moon and stars. 

“Will you write?” Dora asked, tracing looping patterns over the open palm of Remus’ hand. She gave a short cough, then added, “When you’re able that is, of course. I’d just like to know you’re safe.” 

“I… I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” He was waffling, scrambling. Too selfish to want this to be the end, but certain they’d come to their inevitable fork in the road. He gave a hard swallow. “I don't want to compromise Sirius, and it’s been more than a decade since I’ve attempted to interact with a pack. I think whatever has been happening here will need to be on hold, and… I’m not sure it’s a good idea having you at the forefront to distract me.” 

It was the best he could manage. Because anything else would be a lie. To say he didn’t want to write her, that he needed to make this goodbye permanent—it would be a betrayal of everything in his heart. 

“So, this is goodbye, then.” She wasn’t asking, and she’d somehow managed to see through his sham of an excuse. He braced for the shove off, for her to command that he leave the house—leave  _ her _ —forever… But instead, she was smiling at him. A weak sort of smile, and her eyes shimmered with unshed tears before she began blinking furiously. “Well, I’d invite you to stay the night with me for a more thorough sendoff, but there’s something odd about sneaking a boy out of my parent’s house the next morning.” 

“That’s all right, love.” He squeezed a watery attempt of a chuckle from his lungs. “You’re still recovering anyways.”

“Fully recovered by this point, Remus.” She snorted, poking at his hand. “Have been since Mum invited you both to tea. I’ve just decided to move back home until… well. I suppose just  _ until _ .” 

“Right.” Remus’ palms began sweating, and his lungs seemed to be collapsing from within. ‘Until’ could mean a great many things; she could have simply meant until the end of the war… He shifted in his seat, leaning forward. “I suppose I should,  _ we  _ should—”

“Stay!” she blurted, slotting her fingers through his in record time, squeezing tight. Her lower lip trembled and he was powerless against the urge to kiss it, to pillow it between his. At least once, no, twice more. 

Her voice was watery when they broke away, fingers now buried in his hair. “Please stay,” she murmured, keeping her forehead pressed to his. “We can read or talk or just sit, but don’t leave yet. Please.” 

Her plea tore at his chest; she should never have to know what it was to beg. 

“Of course, Dora.” It was as easy as breathing or lifting his face to nuzzle at the sun’s rays to give in to her request. They shifted their embrace until her head was resting over his chest, their legs tangled under a charmed blanket. “As you wish,” he whispered into her hair, meaning it as  _ more.  _ More than he could ever admit or say aloud. 

It would only be selfish of him to ever cling to anything beyond these final hours.

* * *

“So lemme make sure I have this straight—” 

Remus sucked a sharp breath; there was simply no telling of anything with Charlie Weasley. 

“—Harry was under the impression Sirius was in danger, so he stole a thesteral to fly to the Ministry of Magic and save him, yeah?” 

“Correct.” Remus’ head bobbed twice. 

“And a band of students followed him, including my baby brother and sister, like the reckless Gryffindors they all are?” 

“Luna Lovegood is a Ravenclaw, actually,” Remus interjected. 

Charlie snorted, tossing several sticks into the fire, its flames blazing red, orange, and yellow. “Immaterial. The point is it was all a bunch of kids who went on a martyr rescue mission because Hogwarts was so fucked up this past year no one could go to a professor? Get an urgent message to one of my parents? Or Bill? Or even get help from a bloody  _ seventh _ year for fuck’s sake?” 

“Insanity, I know.” Remus sighed while Moony spouted off his own comments of what else he deemed ‘insane’—but Remus was ignoring said comments. He tossed a couple of sticks into the fire as well, the heat not nearly stifling enough to quelch his wolf or conscience. “But name a school year of Harry’s thus far that he  _ hasn’t _ found himself in an insane and impossible situation that’s partially of his own making, and I’ll give you every last sickle in my Gringotts vault.” 

“Double or nothing if you can name a scrape Hermione hasn’t played some sort of a role in getting them all out of.”

Remus’ mouth fell open, words leaping to the tip of his tongue as Moony barked wildly. 

  
“ _ Mysteries, Mysteries, Mysteries! Accept bet and win!”  _

“Not the right time,” Remus hissed under his breath, clearing his throat, and tilting his head at the younger wizard. “Have you paid home a visit since school’s let out?” 

Charlie shook his head, blue eyes intent on the fire, something fierce reflecting back at Remus. “Not yet. I had a time of it working with Krum and a few other contacts getting things ready for you and Sirius; well, Sirius mostly. Finding the right person, and having some people work his mind enough to convince him he needed a large black dog as a familiar. But, there was also making sure you started off meeting with the right pack. One that wouldn’t force you into some hierarchy and battle for dominance.” 

“ _ Good,” _ Moony huffed, and Remus wholeheartedly agreed, saluting the wizard. 

“Much appreciated,” Remus added, face twisting in a crooked smile. “Harry loathed being told he’s not permitted to try to contact Sirius  **at all** , and looked ready to fight Moody hearing he wasn’t going to be in the know regarding details of Sirius’ whereabouts and mission, but he’ll get over it. He just needs some time this summer.” 

Charlie had nothing to add to that, and the wizards sat without talking for a long while after that; the crackling fire, distant thrum of flying dragons, and occasional reptilian roar cloaking over the silence. Distracting Moony just enough for him to not push any stray thoughts of Dora at Remus. 

“D’you know if Hermione’s doing all right?” Charlie’s voice was so low Remus was almost certain he’d misheard the question—or imagined it entirely to begin with. But Charlie’s arctic gaze was piercing and solemn as it bore into Remus and he asked once more, “Is she truly on the mend?” 

“As best as I know. Have you heard of her or from her?” Remus countered, blinking back at the younger wizard. 

“I wrote her immediately afterwards,” Charlie answered, “but I had the feeling she was downplaying things. That it all was worse than she explained, and what she gave me was memorised rhetoric.” 

“I see.” But he didn’t… Not really. At least, he wasn’t yet completely certain of his current hypothesis. “The last of my recollection is that Poppy wasn’t quite certain what curse Hermione was hit with, and declared it a miracle Hermione was still with us. Hermione promised Dumbledore and McGonagall that she’d explain to her parents over the summer what had happened, but kept vague on the timeline of it all.” He lifted his shoulder in a surrendering shrug. “Didn’t seem my place to recommend sooner rather than later, or offer any unsolicited advice on the matter really.” 

“Right.” Charlie licked his lips, looking back to the fire. “Suppose it’s possible she’ll be waiting until after her trip next week to tell.” 

Curious. “Oh?” 

“Yeah. When she responded to my owl, she inquired about the possibility of visitors on the dragon reserve—magical and Muggle. Seems Krum invited her and her parents to attend the World Cup Quarter Final game later in the week and she thought a visit to see dragons would round the trip out nicely.” 

“Ah.” Remus realised he was contributing very little—the bare minimum, actually—but what precisely was Charlie expecting from him? “Hard to believe she’ll be a sixth year with Harry and Ron this year; seems not so long ago at all that they were all wide-eyed, tender footed third years.” 

Charlie jerked his head to Remus, words firm and strong as he said, “She’ll be seventeen this year. Of age.” 

Moony connected the dots moments before Remus: “ _ Weasley’s interested in mating,”  _ he yapped, sending Remus into a coughing fit to keep from loosing a string of expletives.  _ _

“You all right, Remus?” The second-born Weasley was smirking now, something feral and smug, and full of cheeky Gryffindor abandon. “Something I said?” 

“Not at all.” Remus raked his hand through his hair several times before feeling settled enough to give any form of response. “Seventeen’s definitely of age. And you’ll have a head start on things meeting her parents soon, I suppose?” 

“Knew you’d catch on.” Charlie winked, looking back to the fire, rubbing his hands together. “At the very least, I’ll have a chance to throw my hat in the ring of wizards flocking for her attention.” 

A darkness deeper than the night settled over Remus, bringing with it a cold that sank down to his marrow, nullifying the effects of their small fire. Moony hissed, barked, and snapped that war didn’t stop the Weasley brood from making claims on their witches, but Remus knew—he simply  _ knew _ —any comparison was useless. Counter-arguments assailed him on all fronts: Bill and Charlie were both young and full of stamina, the age gaps between them and the witches were far less than Remus and Dora…

And neither of them had the disadvantage of being a werewolf to factor into whatever the future held for them. 

* * *

Lonely weeks passed in his mission. Nearly two months full of them before he made it back to England. And for as much as he convinced himself he needed to to pass on information… the truth was he’d hoped for a glimpse of bubblegum-pink hair at Harry’s birthday party. 

But, he hadn’t. 

And now he was stuck an extra night. Alone. At Grimmauld Place. And fuck if the old place had never seemed the living embodiment of its name as when here alone. 

Remus loathed to remain in Britain for the night, but there had been no other option. The portkey Dumbledore had obtained for him wasn’t due to leave until tomorrow morning, and there’d been no sense in staying at the Burrow when Molly it was stretched enough for space as it was with Harry and Hermione there, and—

_ Knock, knock, knock, knock.  _

“SLAGS! TRAMPS! GOOD FOR NOTHING HOODLUMS, CREATURES, BLOOD-TRAITORS, AND MUDBLOODS WHO TRESPASS ON MY NOBLE HOUSE AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT!” 

“Merlin, I haven’t missed the bloody portrait at all.” Remus shook his head, padding from the kitchen to the front door, mumbling to himself, “Must be Arthur with more of the cake like Molly promised—”

But it wasn’t Arthur. And nothing in the world could have prepared him for the sight of Dora in her Aurors robes, work boots, and bright bubblegum-pink hair rocking back and forth on the door stoop.  “Remus!” She launched herself at him, his knees buckling and the two of them stumbling backwards across the threshold. 

Moony beamed and keened at her touch, her  _ scent _ , even as Remus had already begun to think of a dozen excuses for a hasty goodbye while loosely—awkwardly—returning her embrace. 

“Heard you were at Harry’s party,” she said, her face pressed into his shoulder, her words muffled, but easily enough to understand. 

A hand lifted, floated up on instinct, ready to sink in her hair… He caught himself at the last moment, flexing his fingers before straying back to safer territory at the waist. Just over the fringes of her robes. “Had to deliver the news of Igor.” 

“Karkaroff?” Dora pulled back, her keen brows puckered in confusion. “What of him?” 

“You hadn’t heard? He was found dead in a shack up north.” A chill of concern coursed over him. Why hadn’t she heard by now? “Have you been unwell? Or on a separate mission?” 

Deep bags hung under her eyes and her cheeks appeared to have sunk into her face. Still she smiled, eyes full and bright as they flitted across his face. “A minor setback,” she said, fisting his coat, dragging his face down to her. “Nothing to be concerned with, especially as we weren’t in touch with each other….” 

Her breath tickled across his lips before she claimed his mouth for her own. 

A kiss he couldn’t allow, couldn’t permit to continue. He’d left. He was  _ gone _ . He was meant to keep away, to not see her until several months from now when all of this would be forgotten and little more than the memory of a passing fling…

“ _ Liar.”  _ Moony hissed at Remus while urging his arms to band around her waist and open his mouth to hers. To let her plunder him, take all of him, here and now. In this house. Tonight. 

Before leaving tomorrow. 

His lips froze as he’d just begun to respond, and he attempted to cover himself with a cough and a swallow as he withdrew from her touch. His mouth was sand, though.  _ Everything _ was sand—coarse, dry, harsh, relentless, and  _ everywhere _ . 

“Bad case of dragon pox spreading through the pack I’m staying with,” he croaked, dragging a hand through his hair, then reaching to tilt her chin up to him, gifting her with his signature mask of well-being and faux happiness.

“ _ Liar.” _

The skin at Remus’ eye twitched as he forced more brightness into his smile, running his thumb over her chin. “And it seems you’re still on duty.” 

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “I’ve got to make my rounds, but I spoke to Fleur who mentioned seeing you at the Weasley’s today, and hoped against a hope I’d find you here. Portkeys are more heavily monitored now. I’d hoped whoever made yours would have restricted time scheduling to odd hours.” 

  
“Thanks for coming by.” His throat bobbed and he  _ didn’t _ linger on all he didn’t say. Didn’t dare breathe of how perfect she smelled, how much he didn’t want to leave, how he needed to keep her here. With him. All night. All morning. For the rest of his life… 

He stood by the door for a long time after she left, hands clenched until white heat burned through his knuckles. His heart sank into his shoes, and I didn’t know how he’d ever manage to walk the flights of stairs to get to his bedroom… 

The kiss had been an allowance, he told himself. A mistake. One he’d be certain not to make again. 

“ _ Coward.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out, things may diverge from canon just a bit. I mean, Sirius lives, after all! But I’m quite pleased with this change, and I will do my best to stick to canon things as we know from the books. I may take some liberties, though.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you're all keeping safe and healthy <3 thank you to everyone reading, leaving kudos and comments. <3 I appreciate it very much!   
Endless love to my alpha team, LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist. Thank you also to my beta CourtingInsanity. Love you ladies so much!! Any remaining errors are my own.
> 
> I own no part of the Harry Potter franchise. No copyright infringement intended. this is for fun

* * *

Shield.  _ Incarcerous.  _ _ Petrificus Totalus. Locomotor Mortis. Bombarda.  _ Pivot. Duck. Run _ .  _ Breathe. 

Moony snarled. “ _ Coward.”  _

“Shut it.” Sweat beaded and tracked down Remus’ face, the salt stinging his eyes. Good. Let it burn. Let everything burn and be consumed. He cast another shield charm, aiming at the next series of makeshift training dummies in the Dragon Reserve Gymnasium, yelling out a series of spells:  **“** _ Reducto. Stupify. Expelliarmus. Confringo. Bombarda. Incarcerous.” _

_ “Liar.” _

“Shu t  **up—** _ Incarcerous! Bombarda! Confringo!” _

_ “Coward _ ** _._ ** _ ” _

Moony could not be drowned out, igniting a new, furious flame in Remus’ chest. His jaw clenched as his knuckles whitened around his wand. He sprinted to the climbing wall, Apparating himself around it, instead of climbing over…

Managing to duck just in time to avoid a stream of fire he’d triggered in landing. Sweat now dripped down his back, his face, soaking into his shirt. He dropped his wand, a steady stream as he tore at the drenched article of clothing, yanking it over his head and wiping his face before pouring a significant portion of his frustration into chucking it against the wall. 

“ _ I’m right. _ ” 

Remus’ lips curled into a snarl, feral and predatorial. “NO!” he shouted, snatching up his wand, refusing to back down. “I. am.  **not** **—** _ PETRIFICUS TOTALUS _ ! a.  coward **—** ”

Something creaked from the left **—**

**** He spun, red clouding his vision as he yelled, “ _ LEVICORPUS! _ ” 

“What the **—** _ fuck _ , mate!”

“Charlie?” Remus blinked several times, his vision clearing, aiming his wand at the large wizard dangling in midair by one ankle. “Shite, sorry!  _ Finite! _ ” The wizard fell to the ground, an exaggerated groan filling the space of the gymnasium, and under different circumstances, the whole affair might have been funny, but Remus was in no mood. “Sorry,” he called across the room again, heaving several greedy lungfuls of air, swiping his hand across his brow as Charlie collected himself. 

“S’alright,” Charlie answered, beating at the dirt on his trousers, releasing the leather strap that bound his hair to shake out the dirt. “Caught me off guard is all; no harm done.” He made his way to Remus, tying back his hair again, brow quirked in question. “I’m curious what you’re doing here, though. Thought you went home last week when you reported that two werewolf packs promised to come to our aid should the need arise.” 

“Well, I obviously didn’t,” Remus snapped, summoning his shirt and casting a quick  _ Scourgify _ over it.

“I see.” Though Charlie looked as though he clearly did not. “You know Krum and I both have contacts watching out for Sirius if that’s what you’re **—** ”

“Godric, no—last time I saw the twat I warned him he was putting on weight **.” ** Remus snorted, shaking his head, tugging his shirt back on, muttering more to himself than anything now. “Three square meals a day plus two snacks and a pillow in every room. Not that he doesn’t deserve a bit of pampering, and Harry’s worried sick for him even when I send word he shouldn’t be.” Fuck him, he was rambling as he threw his arms through his sleeves; judging by the arc of Charlie’s brow, the wizard  _ knew _ this was all hipogriff shite, and… fuck. “This isn’t about Sirius. Or the mission. Just not ready to get back yet.” 

“All right.” Silence. Then: “You know… there are other, far more  _ pleasurable _ methods of working through frustrations.” 

A belly-deep groan as Remus’ head pitched forward, falling into his hands, even as Moony snapped his agreement, teeth glinted at Remus. Remus grabbed at tufts of sweaty hair. “That’s… that’s part of why I’m avoiding home.” Why bother denying anything now? 

“Oh. So that’s a thing, then? With Tonks?” 

Remus lifted his head, blinking wordlessly back at the wizard, jaw tight.

Charlie took the non-answer as a means to continue and shrugged. “Bill mentioned it in passing last summer. Dunno why. She and I have been over since sixth year, though Mum tries to make it out as more than it was.” 

“It is, or  _ was _ , rather.” Remus rolled his eyes, remembering how Molly had reminisced on and on about the former couple before catching he and Dora liplocked last Christmas—how was that already a lifetime ago? He was tired. So tired and life’s burdens were too heavy right now. “But I think everyone would agree it’s for the best that I keep away.” 

“Why?”

Remus frowned. “Werewolf.” He presumed that had been obvious. 

“So what?” 

“Pardon?” Apparently Charlie wasn’t as quick witted as Remus had thought. 

Charlie huffed, folding his arms over his chest. “I mean, so what? So you like her, or more; there’s no crime in that. And if she’s your mate, denying the bond and relationship would do more harm than good in the long from what I’ve heard and read **—** ” 

“ _ He’s right!” _

“Based on conjecture and subjective **—** ” 

“Being a werewolf won’t have any negative reprecussions regarding sex **—”**

Moony yowled, Remus threw his hands up in the air, but Charlie could not be stopped.

And still, Remus tried, scratching the back of his neck. “Charlie, we’re not **—** ”

“ **—** and in fact, could only  _ aid _ with transformations **—** ”

“Mate, I really **—** ” 

“ **—** AND **—** ” Charlie wagged a finger at him “ **—** Lycanthropy is not a gene that can be passed down, while there’s a distinct possibility that Tonks’ Metamorphmagus gene can. In which case, any offspring of yours would have the chance of looking wolfish on command, but that’d be thanks to Tonks, not you.”

A defeated huff as Remus looked to the wood-beam ceiling. “You wouldn’t understand **—** _ couldn’t _ understand. I’ll get out of your hair, though. More packs back in England for me to try to reach out to. Will I see you at the Burrow for Christmas?”

“Not entirely sure yet.” Charlie slid his hands into his pockets. “Not because I’m avoiding Hermione, because we’ve been writing heaps, but Tilly’s eggs are due to hatch the last week in December.” His arctic blue eyes blazed into Remus’, as if trying to sear a message into the werewolf’s soul. “Promise you’ll give what I’ve said some thought, yeah?”

Remus licked his lips. “Sure.”  _ Liar _ . “Will do.” 

* * *

The Burrow never changed, regardless of the number of residents. Phantom laughs, shouts, yelps, jeers, and cheers haunted every nook, cranny, and crevice. Remus didn’t know how Molly could stand it. It was disorienting enough when he’d been at Grimmauld Place earlier today to pack up the remainder of his meagre belongings to have with him at the Burrow. 

“I’ve fixed Bill and Charlie’s old room up nicely for you Remus,” the Weasley matriarch chirped, waving and swirling her wand as she commanded a series of cleaning spells at once throughout the cozy, homey kitchen. “I know you won’t be here much, but Dumbledore was insistent you ought to have another option for a homebase to return to, being that Sirius isn’t there to command Kreacher, and all.” She sighed, giving a whipping and flourishing her wand at a pile of rags, setting them to dusting throughout the house. “I think he’d like to give the poor thing the benefit of the doubt, but safety first and all.” 

“Right, yeah.” Remus scratched his chin, his manky old trunk feeling out of place amongst such tidy love and care. “Did I compromise anything over Harry’s birthday going back to the house? I wasn’t told to stay anywhere particular **—** ” 

“Not at all, dearie.” Molly bustled over to him, patting his cheek before commanding Remus’ trunk to levitate. “It was only one night, and I think there may have been a misunderstanding that you’d be staying the night here anyways, but no matter! Get some things unpacked and make yourself at home before you set off tomorrow.” 

“Tonight, actually.” Remus winced at the reactionary flash of… of  _ emotion _ … in Molly’s eyes. Of course she missed her children and having hoards of people to look after. Of course this house must feel lonely at times, and company would be a welcome change. “I’m sorry Molly,” he said, dropping his lips to her hairline, caught up in a sudden burst of emotion. “I’d love to stay through tomorrow at least, but one of my old contacts agreed to meet with me tonight. I’m hoping to be introduced to his pack before the next moon.” 

Her lower lip trembled, but she put on a brave face regardless. “Of course, dearie.” She made an effort to clear her throat, motioning to the stairs. “You remember where your room is. Make yourself at home and read your mail while I fix up a hearty meat pie for you to have before you go **—** will you be able to take some leftovers with you?” 

“I’m sure we can figure something out **—** did you say mail?” Remus was already three steps towards the stairs before he stopped, blood turning cold. He cast what he hoped was a placid look over his shoulder, but his heart had begun to rage against his ribs. “I wasn’t aware anyone knew I was back or where I’d be staying.” 

“Must have already known somehow,” Molly said, not looking up from searching ingredients in the icebox. “You’ve had regular mail arriving since a few days after Harry’s birthday, and I’ve set it all on the desk in the room for you.” 

A blast of icy dread blew into him, freezing him to the marrow, keeping him in place. He lacked the willpower to stifle Moony’s excited yips, nor was he entirely certain he knew how he made it from half-way between the kitchen and the staircase to the inside of “his” new bedroom. He couldn’t begin to say what compelled him to go to the desk first; what masochistic nature resided within himself to look  _ there  _ before anywhere else. Just to see… to  _ know _ … 

To have his every fear and fantasy confirmed.

Letters.

A basket full of letters. Without looking too hard, he was able to determine they were all penned by the same person. 

“ _ Mate _ ,” Moony crooned, purring, and dreamily sighed, plucking a very contented sounding chord on Remus’ heart.    
  
It took more self-restraint on his part than Remus cared to admit to keep from opening and reading every last one of them. To keep from tearing the desk apart for a quill and parchment. To keep from sprinting to the Apparition point of the Burrow and vanishing himself to the public owlery in Diagon Alley and spending every last knut in his vault on gift baskets of chocolates and flowers for this witch who’d thought of him so much in his absence, she’d taken the time to write to him… Even though he hadn’t given her any hope of responding. She’d shared her thoughts.  _ Her heart. _

He hated the wolf inside him who fought tooth and nail for Remus to do all those things before leaving that night. He hated the noble and selfless man he’d been raised to be that he just  _ couldn’t _ give in. He hated knowing how much it would hurt for her to hear from someone at some point that he was back and had received her letters, but had chosen to not respond. 

He hated every paradox and duality residing within himself. And later that night, he told the stars and half-moon exactly that. His eyes burned with hot, unshed tears as he ground his teeth together with unspoken curses, shaking his wand up at the sky. 

It was truly a miracle he didn’t splinch himself before Disapparating from the safety of the Burrow into the void of the unknown future of the mission.

* * *

Padded paws moved swift and sure over cool, dewy grass, winding through a labyrinth of trees.    
  
Moony was quiet. He was the night, the dark, everything terrifying; and yet, he’d never been more settled. More confident. Knowing, assured and at peace. Under the stillness and quiet of the moon. Wild and free without order or demand of anyone or anything. He was master to himself. He bowed to none.

He hated being with a large pack for transformation. Hated feeling the need to be leader. To prove to everyone he was Alpha. He yearned for the peace and fun of transforma tions with Padfoot; humans and their petty fights spoiled everything. 

Coming to a clearing, he trotted to what he found to be the edge of a cliff, staring out at the expanse of land, rocks, and sea. He lifted his jaw and eyes back to the moon, a cold wind ruffling his fur. His head lifted, neck arching back as an instinctual howl broke from his chest. 

A call. A whine. A plea.

A need to voice the brokenness within.

“ _ Mate _ ,” he howled. Over and over again. She would ease the pain before transformation. She could soothe all the fears haunting his thoughts. Having her,  _ claiming  _ her, knowing she was his and she was safe… How could his human not see how much they needed her? 

How could it be that the moon, so cold and distant, was the only friend and constant Moony had known? 

How could it be that his human still hated him so, when he’d never acted to harm or attack? When he’d always acted out of loyalty and protection? 

How could he endure year after year of such heavy self-hatred? 

Throat finally raw, Moony dropped his head, ears twitching at distant, echoing howls.  _ “Time to get back,”  _ he thought.

_ And yet…  _

He blinked up at the moon once more, fixing his keen gaze on her… Wishing just once she could find it in herself to give an answer or two. Instead of taking, taking, taking…

* * *

Christmas was a relief. 

Christmas was a strain. 

There was no escape from the contradictions of Remus’ existence. 

The pile of letters within the basket had doubled in size since Remus had left. He steadfastly avoided long eye contact with it within his room, while Moony seemed to drag his eyes back to the desk. 

He avoided his room. His hands itched for the letters; muscles twitched to surrender to Moony’s pining to know Dora’s thoughts. All of them; the good, the hurt, the angry, the funny, the longing. 

Yet now, in the aftermath of a long discussion with Harry, he wished for his room. For the solitude and silence. For the simplicity of his own singular moral dilemma **—** the world seemed to become more messy and complicated, shades of grey clouding everything that once seemed clear and infallible. 

Harry. Draco. Vanishing Cabinets. 

“ _ Mate, mate, mate.” _

Remus groaned in the crisp Christmas Eve air, pinching the bridge of his nose. He’d never seen Harry look so frustrated **—** correction, he  _ had _ . But never had Remus been the object of such frustrations, and both wizard and werewolf were in firm agreement in not liking being said object. Remus’ arms folded over his chest as he blinked up to the stars, breath visible in cloudy puffs in front of him. 

Merlin, Remus missed Sirius. 

“Remus…?” 

“Harry.” Remus’ lips quirked in a weak smile as he waved his former-student to the bench. “Keep an old werewolf company a moment, would you?” 

Harry snorted. “You’re hardly old. Mid-thirties, yeah?” 

“Is that all?” Remus arched a brow, stroking his chin. “Feels significantly more so quite often.” 

A thick blanket of silence settled between them, but not one of comfort or warmth. This blanket itched, like patches of cheap, tattered, and frayed material. Like something that had been stretched to a limit not yet tested, knowing it was threatened to be ripped apart at any moment… 

Not unlike a certain  _ other _ situation waiting for him to address up in his room. And Remus felt quite at a loss for knowing how to put things to rights in either situation. 

“You know,” he started, rubbing his hands together, giving Harry a side look, “if we were Tolkien characters, we’d both be smoking pipes and swapping stories of dwarves, gold, and wood elves.” 

“Who-characters?” 

“Never mind.” Remus shook his head, remembering ice-breakers like that would probably only work with Miss Granger, and  _ possibly _ a different young modern witch… But he was ignoring all of  _ that _ . “Something on your mind, still?”

The boy sighed, raking his hands through his hair and fidgeting with his glasses, exactly as James used to do. “I disagree with what you said with me and Arthur earlier, and I don’t like disagreeing with you. Or Sirius. You’re the closest I’ve ever had to dads, and, I just wish I knew you were really seeing my side in this.” He paused, tilting his head up to the inky-black sky, shrugging. “I don’t want to just be some kid with a grudge to you.”

“ _ Pup, pup, pup! _ ”

“You could never be that, Harry.” A wave of compassion coursed over Remus and he draped an arm over Harry’s shoulder, satisfying Moony’s instinct to comfort and protect. “You’ve got to remember I have a complicated past with Severus, at least as complex as yours with Draco, but that doesn’t make our feeling true, nor does it discredit the truth because of what we feel.”

Harry gave a disgruntled snort, making a face at Remus. Remus dropped his arm, shaking his head, mouth open to try again. 

“You may have seen suspicious things over the summer, Harry, and Draco may even be involved with dark things and Severus may be part of protecting the boy, but all of that must still come to a point and the point is that Dumbledore trusts Severus. Regardless of my feelings of Severus, I trust Dumbledore. I choose to make that answer enough for me.”

A defiant scoff. “Would my dad have trusted him?” 

Remus barked out a laugh that couldn’t have been helped even if he’d wanted to. It was just so  _ Harry _ to care over something like that. “Likely not,” he answered, shaking his head, looking back to the star-freckled sky. “But Lily was friends with Severus long before she was with James, and James never thought clearly when it came to your mother.” 

“But you and Mum were friends before she liked Dad, right? I remember you were both Gryffindor prefects together.” 

“I wasn’t a Slytherin, Harry.” Too much damn history to try to explain things; evenso, there wasn’t always a reasonable explanation for why James did things… “I don’t want to blame house rivalry, but your father grew up in a very Gryffindor home. He grew up prejudiced against Slytherins, and that never helped Severus’ cause from the beginning.” Harry seemed to need a moment to ponder over that, so Remus waited before adding, “Again, a situation not wholly unlike your rivalry with you and Draco.” 

The youth snorted this time, leaning his elbows over his legs, looking over his shoulder at Remus. “No witch involved here to muddy the waters, but Draco’s always been a foul little git.”

“We must be careful when clinging to such opinions, Harry.” Remus’ lips twisted into a wry smile, hoping he could get through somehow. “Life is long and people change. Circumstances change. We end up hurting ourselves as much as others when we don’t give room for growth.” 

“I imagine he’ll grow into a right and proper Dea—”

“I wouldn’t finish that sentence.” Even Moony’s ears twitched at the underlying command in Remus’ tone, and Harry straightened and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Remus held firm, though. “Even in jest. That’s not an accusation to make lightly, and until we have proof to the contrary, Draco Malfoy is merely a student whose father is in prison. You’d do well to consider how you’d feel if Sirius were back in Azkaban under what you perceived to be wrongful pretenses.”

Harry’s mouth fell open, eyes widening. “But Lucius—”

“I’m not saying he’s right in whatever he may or may not be feeling.” Remus lifted his hands, palms upright as his lips bent upwards weakly. “I’m merely trying to present another point of view. As a reminder that people may see things differently. And feelings are not always to be trusted as the guiding posts for our actions.” 

Moony snarled and snapped his jaw loudly at Remus. “ _ Coward. Liar. Hypocrite.”  _

Remus’ throats bobbed in the subsequent beat of silence, hot guilt over ignored letters crashing into his chest—welling and swelling to the point he was nearly drowning in the noise of Moony’s accusations and the weight of his own conscience, and—

“Are you able to get anything to Sirius?” 

Relief. He breathed deep of sweet relief as Harry cocked his head, brows raised in an inquiry of hope. 

“I’m afraid not.” He shook his head, hating to be the source of more disappointment to the boy. “I’m officially tied up here looking for allies in werewolf packs for now, and it’d only compromise him to try and owl outside of the proper channels.” 

“Right…” Harry’s jaw twitched and he ducked his head, fixing his gaze on the ground. “I’d hoped to get his Christmas present to him somehow. Give him a bit of cheer and remind him he’s not forgotten.”

Remus lifted a hand to his shoulder, squeezing tight. “Why don’t you save it for next year? Double the surprise, double the fun.” 

Harry nodded, but Molly threw open the back door before either of them could say anything more, loudly ushering them back inside. It was all fake smiles and placating words as Remus mingled again, Moony’s accusations still clanging in his mind. Worse still was deep diving back into a discussion of goblins and recent artifact sorting with Bill, as Fleur had ensconced herself into his side, inserting the clever remark here and there… An action that sent waves of affection and love rippling from Bill back to his witch. 

Moony raged and howled, cursing Remus, barking for the letter— 

And Remus broke. There was no other way to say it. He excused himself suddenly, offered the mask of tight yet tired smile before all but racing up the stairs to his room… lunging to the the basket of letters. Snatching for a recent one to see, to  _ know _ for himself if she hated him forever. If she’d already washed her hands of him…

_ 23 December, _

_ Molly says you’ll be spending Christmas at the Burrow. I won’t come just for you if you don’t want me; if your feelings for me have changed. But I wish you’d do me the courtesy and respect me enough to give me some form of an answer, and not just simply saying you can’t write with an excuse or two tacked onto it.  _

_ I know you’re a great reader, so you’ll regonise this from Tolkien:  _

“ _ All that is gold does not glitter, _

_ Not all those who wander are lost; _

_ The old that is strong does not wither, _

_ Deep roots are not reached by the frost.” _

_ Maybe I wasn’t enough for you, but I figured you should know where I still stand in my regard for you.  _

_ Yours,  _

_ Dora _

Moony was screeching. “ _ Mate loves us! Not too late! Mate, mate, mate!”  _

And Remus,  _ Remus _ … 

He apparently had a snapping point, after all. A point in which even he faltered. She just fucking quoted  _ Tolkien _ at him and, she… Merlin, she thought that he—

That even she considered for an instant that she wasn’t deserving; that she was nothing less than  _ everything in the world _ to him—

“NO!” he protested aloud, of one mind with Moony. His wand was in his hand as he Disapparated to the edge of the wards at the Burrow and stalked over the barrier.  _ Destination, Determination, and Deliberation _ …    
  
He vanished with a ‘ _ pop’ _ , the world whirling and swirling as he pressed through space and matter… 

Appearing directly outside the Tonks family home front door… Entirely uncertain what to do now that he was here. He’d had no plan, no idea beyond finding her… Coming to her and letting her know in some form or fashion that—

The door swung open, golden light flooded his vision. 

“Who— _ Remus _ ?” 

It took a few blinks for Remus to realise a wand that had been aimed at his face had suddenly lowered, a voice that had started so harsh and commanding turned to a shocked squeak. Dora was standing in the doorway in all of her cozy, rumpled, powerful, and luminous glory. She seemed to be wearing three jumpers of all varying sizes so that it had a haphazard, layering effect about her. As if one could not suffice to fight against a chill in her bones. He stood there, stupidly silent, mouth agape as his gaze drifted to her face, to her hair. Her luscious locks currently a depressing shade of mud-brown, hanging limp and lifeless about her face. 

“What are you doing here, Remus?” Her hair flashed red, then turquoise, then a vibrant purple, before flashing between brown and her trademark pink. 

“I have your letters,” he started, heart pounding in his chest, his ears, his very  _ soul _ . “They’ve been collecting at the Burrow, and I haven’t read them all, just the latest, but…” 

Hurt flashed in her dark grey eyes, and it was too much. Words could never suffice, could never say all he needed her to  _ know _ .

And so he surrendered. Wolf and man melded together and acted as one as he bound his arms around her, colliding his lips with hers. 

She responded without hesitation, without any question or demand for an explanation. She was arching into him, fingers winding into his hair, mouth open, tongue seeking his, and he was lost. Lost to such love and grace he’d never deserve, not in a hundred lifetimes. 

One hand drifted to just above the gentle curve of her spine, bringing her even closer, and Moony purred when she moaned in response, pressing her chest into his. She was mate, and she was everything… 

And he would always be nothing short of dangerous and a burden to her. 

He tore himself away in an instant—a heaving flash—his lips burning, and Moony yowling in rage at leaving his mate wide-eyed, dazed and confused.  “Remus,” she gasped, licking her now-swollen lips. “What the fuck—”

“I love you,” he said, voice low, husky and utterly torn. He shook his head, taking two steps back from her outstretched arms. “I loved you before I even realised it, but that changes nothing, Dora. This is war, and I’m an old werewolf.” 

“Remus John Lu—” 

But he was gone before he could know the rest of what she was about to say, whisking himself away to the safety of his abandoned cabin in the woods for the duration of the night. It was cold as fuck even with a fire and a series of warming charms, and the bed was a useless lump of old foam and springs. But he would endure to keep away. He would brave the Burrow again in the sleepy hours of dawn, and leave Molly a note if Dora was by any chance there.

He’d been on the run for over a decade before, dwelt in the shadows of society and survived. He could do it again if necessary.

Anything to keep her safe and from the mess of himself. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is going to time jump again. We’re picking up right where chapter 8 stopped and the chapter will end with some of the final events of the Half-Blood Prince. Also, possible trigger warning this chapter for discussions of self-worth and mental health. Remus is a complex and self-depreciating individual, and some origins of that are dealt with in this chapter.   
hope you're all keeping safe and healthy <3 thank you to everyone reading, leaving kudos and comments. <3 I appreciate it very much!   
Endless love to my alpha team, LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist. Thank you also to my beta CourtingInsanity. Love you ladies so much!! Any remaining errors are my own.
> 
> I own no part of the Harry Potter franchise. No copyright infringement intended. this is for fun

* * *

A Howler was delivered by an irritated looking brown owl to his cabin a couple of hours after his lips had been so wonderfully pressed against Dora’s and she’d been in his arms, and so beautifully  _ his _ for all of a few stolen moments. The angry red envelope (an ironically festive-in-appearance missive) opened and the screech of his beloved witch bellowed throughout the dilapidated old shack: 

REMUS JOHN LUPIN, HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU COME AND KISS ME AND DECLARE YOUR LOVE AND NOT WAIT FOR ME TO RECIPROCATE! HOW DARE YOU THINK YOURSELF UNWORTHY OR UNDESERVING! HOW DARE YOU DECIDE THE STATUS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP FOR THE BOTH OF US! I FUCKING LOVE YOU, YOU CLOD, AND I’M NOT LETTING THIS GO! AS YOU SAID, THIS CHANGES NOTHING, AND YOU’RE STUCK DEALING WITH ME UNTIL YOU CAN LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME YOU DON’T LOVE ME. 

The Howler paused, heaving a deep breath in mid-air, if such an action could be attributed to an inanimate object… Then began again, still shouting, tone now soft and almost warm: 

“OH, AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS. I TRIED KNITTING YOU A JUMPER. MOLLY GAVE ME LESSONS, BUT IT TURNED OUT ALL WONKY. SO YOU’RE STUCK WITH A BOOK.” 

A watery sort of choked half-laugh escaped his lips as Moony crooned her praises. He returned to the Burrow in the cool hours of dawn, making sure to slip his presents to Harry and various Weasley family members under the tree before slipping into bed for a sleepless couple of hours. All glimmer of Christmas cheer was snuffed out with the surprise visit of Minister Rufus Scrimgeour with a cold and distant Percy Weasley in tow. Remus couldn’t decide if he’d have rather had Dora visit with a Howler to hand deliver in the awkward aftermath of said visit. 

Moony, however, had chosen his side. “ _ Want mate _ ,” he huffed, intermittently giving Remus a low growl all throughout the day.

* * *

“I don’t get you, Remus,” Charlie said, lifting his eyes from a small fire. “The more I come to know you, the more baffled I am, and I don’t get you at all.” 

“No one does, mate,” Sirius snorted, cutting his eyes at Remus while rubbing his outstretched hands before the fire. “A few have tried, but we all fall short in the end. Dunno if I’d even say Remus gets himself. It’s probably only Moony who really does in the end.” 

“The wolf?” Charlie queried while Remus loosed a frustrated huff, folding his arms over his chest. 

Sirius hummed in assent, giving a sharp nod. “There’s a great deal of self-denial and self-loathing involved, but if Remus didn’t believe that rights to freedom, employment, love, and justice applied to all, including himself, he wouldn’t be fighting in this war to begin with. Hell, he probably wouldn’t have even accepted his invitation to Hogwarts. John Lupin Sr. would have hidden him away from the world and hired a private tutor, but his mother pushed for him to have as normal a wizarding childhood experience as possible.” 

“Do you plan on continuing to divulge all the secrets of my past as if I weren’t here, Sirius?” Remus refused to feel any guilt over the bite in his tone. “Or would you like my input at some point in time?” 

Sirius barked a laugh while Charlie darted wary eyes between the two wizards across the fire. 

“Should I take a moment to check on Bessy and leave you two to fight it out, then?” 

“No.” 

“Stay, stay.” Sirius chuckled still, merry lines crinkling around his eyes, face bright in the reflection of the fire. “Your dragon will keep, and I haven’t got all night to be gone this time. My oafish excuse of a master hasn’t the stamina to last long hours in bed with a witch; too much vodka and too little attention to exercise, I think.” 

Charlie was the one to laugh this time as Remus buried a smirk, turning to look out at the night sky, pondering how this always somehow managed to be his life. On the run, unemployed, between official jobs (wartime and civilian), and invasive conversations with wizards who forever had more going for them in life than Remus could ever hope to have. 

“ _ You like it, _ ” Moony snarked. “ ** _We _ ** _ like it. Padfoot’s usually right.”  _

“You would think that, wouldn’t you,” Remus groused under his breath. 

“What’s that?” Impish mischief danced in Sirius’ ask. “Something you’d like to share with the rest of us?” 

“Not in the slightest.” Remus raked a hand through his hair, scratching the back of his neck several moments before bringing his hand to stroke his chin as he looked back to the fire. “But as it seems we have the time this cloudless April night, and it’s a rare occurrence for Sirius to have such a plethora of time I’ll indulge the need for introspective discussion tonight.” 

Charlie shook his head. “None of that,” he said, “You’re not on the spot, and I’m the last one to make you feel the need to defend yourself or your actions—you’ve both been subjected to what Mum makes of  _ my _ life choices—but I just have to ask about the letters.” 

A cold that had nothing to do with the early spring night blew over Remus, sending gooseflesh up his arms, under his cable-knit jumper. His mouth ran dry and it was necessary to attempt to clear his throat before he could summon a response. “They’re of a personal nature from a beautiful and stubborn witch. I spent several months avoiding reading them, but couldn’t hold out forever. She keeps writing even though I never respond, and they’re all of great importance to me,” he stated, voice low and words  _ not  _ untrue

“I find that explanation vague and unsatisfying,” Sirius countered. 

Moony sufficed to huff, “ _ coward,”  _ under his breath. 

“Fuck’s sake,” Remus burst, a tremour of satisfaction coiling in his chest at the sudden wide-eyed expressions of his two companions. “What do you want me to say? Do you want all the sordid details of the sob story of Remus John Lupin? How he’s fought against his every wolfish instinct from the time he was a scared little boy in the hospital after being attacked, and overheard his father call him a monster to his mother? Or perhaps how he hates the wolf inside his mind more than almost anything else in the world because it makes him a dangerous liability to those he loves every month of the year for the last thirty years?” 

He gave a thick swallow and Sirius’ mouth fell open, but Remus sliced his hand through the air dismissively. “You don’t get to say anything yet,” Remus charged. “Not a damn thing, because you don’t get to try to make sense of things or offer up placating dribble. I’m a man who’s selfish enough to admit he loves a strong, patient, forgiving, enduring, and relentless woman. But what the hell do I have to offer her, huh? She’s a proper job at the Ministry, and she’s a damn good Auror, clumsy mishaps and all. And she’s an asset to the Order and all subsequent war efforts.

“Whereas  _ I _ , on the other hand—” Remus jabbed a finger into his chest “—haven’t the legal means to hold a job oreven  _ donate _ money to the Order.” 

“ _ We’ve helped,”  _ Moony insisted, ears fallen, head drooping and tail limp. “ _ We do all that’s asked.”  _

“You’ve intercepted with me heaps,” Sirius quickly murmured, as if he could hear Remus’ inner wolf, brows puckered and jaw tight. “And you’ve found us some allies among packs in Romania and back home…” 

Moony’s ears perked at the praise, even as Remus loosed an aggravated sigh. “It’s not the same, Padfoot. It isn’t the same at all when I could be using my talents and skill sets as a professor, cursebreaker, or even an archivist at the Ministry and keeping an eye on this from the inside as Arthur, Kingsley, and Dora do. But it’s the wolf that’s always kept me from everything I’ve wanted most, and it’s the wolf I strive to protect everyone from every moment of every damn day,” he finished, spreading his hands in a surrendering gesture. 

An uncertain silence hung overhead, thick and hesitant to shatter. Moony whimpered and whined, curling around himself in a dejected heap, and Remus found himself wishing he’d just kept silent. Nothing good ever came from being  _ this _ honest.

Charlie bent his legs, bringing his knees close to his chest as he looked back to the fire. “Knew I should’ve brought Firewhisky,” he mumbled, Remus and Sirius loosing husky laughs, nonsensical conversation taking over several moments later.

* * *

Some part of him, some miniscule percentage of him, clung to the belief that all was well, and that Dumbledore was merely being overly cautious in suddenly leaving the school this evening. That part of him was even willing to believe that perhaps this was an elaborate match-making ploy of Dumbledore’s that others were in on as well…

“ _ Idiot, _ ” Moony hissed, and that was all Remus needed to tether himself to the fact this was all very real, highly unorthodox, and that something was going to happen. “ _ Mate with mate. Soon! Need to focus!”  _

Remus groaned, grip on his wand tightening as he rounded a corner, casting a silent  _ Lumos _ into a dark alcove. Nothing there. And maybe Dumbledore was simply playing safe…

But with every breath Remus took, he knew that was a fool’s wish. The very air of Hogwarts this warm June night was a poison. A poison of dread and anxiety, coiling and roiling in Remus’ gut. Something was coming; he knew that just as he  _ knew _ he’d nearly come to his breaking point with Dora, and he wouldn’t be—

An ethereal wisp plopped in front of him, luminous curls of magic transforming into the shape of a petite wolf. “All is well here,” Dora’s voice spoke from the patronus. “Returning to the Great Hall area.” The wolf made a sniffing action about Remus and licked her jaw, up over her nose before fading away.

This… 

_ This _ …! 

“ _ Expecto Patronum _ ,” Remus said with an easy flourish of his wrist, his wolf materialising, staring at him with unblinking eyes. “Keep safe. I’m making my way back down to you.”

“ _ To her? _ ” Moony’s wars perked and his tail gave a little wag. 

“To her.” Remus gave a hard, lingering look to the corridor before turning on his heel, making for the stairs. Her patronus had taken the form of a wolf, and that spoke more to him than any words ever could.

* * *

“BEHIND YOU, MINERVA—SHITE!  _ Incarcerous! _ ”

A Death Eater fell to the large greystone floor behind his favourite former-professor, hissing and cursing at the magical bindings. 

The witch narrowed her eyes at him, thin lips flat and dangerous. “Remus. John. Lupin— _ Bombarda!”  _ she yelled, aiming beyond Remus, magic crackling all around her. “Might I remind you this is still a school— _ Deprimo! _ —and I’ll thank you— _ Petrificus Totalus _ —to mind your language in these sacred halls!”

Smoke and ash coated Remus tongue, stinging his eyes and burning his lungs. A cold fury coursed through him, as he took in the sight before him. Hogwarts, the only place he’d ever truly called home, was under attack, but Minerva wanted to twaddle about coarse language… Gritting his teeth, he flung himself into the wall to miss an Unforgivable. Thrusting out his arm, a surge of protective magic created a wide dome around him. “ _ Impedimento. Reducto.”  _

Moony gnashed his teeth, snarling and barking. “ _ Kill them. Kill them all. Protect home. Protect mate.”  _

“We are not—ACHOO—killing anyone— _ Levicorpus, Incarcerous! _ ” Blinking through the dust as it settled around him he willed away the irritation in his eyes, swiping his sleeve against his nose and sweat-beaten brow. “Not yet, at least— _ Confringo!” _

This was little more than a duel with Charlie on the obstacle course, Remus told himself. Fortifying his grip on his wand he cast another shield, whirling and aiming several curses beyond Minerva at Dora’s attackers. For a hint of a moment, he thought he caught sight of dark figures gliding through the chaos, waltzing over and through the shouts, curses, and flying magic— 

Figures he thought resembled Draco and Severus…

But he’d never be sure—

“ _ Dora!”  _ Moony howled, barking and commanding Remus to  _ run!  _ Figures all but forgotten, Remus tore across the hall, summoning furious blasts of magic from his very core. “ _ Bombarda. Locomotor Mortis. Confringo!”  _

Dora’s grey eyes slid to his, sparkling as the ghost of a smile quirked in her lips, lifting her wand. “Together, Professor Lupin?”

“Together,” he breathed, casting a shield as he backed into her back. And together they fought. 

Showers of red and yellow magic burst and rained from the ceiling. Jets and whorls of blues and purples flew all around. His heart raced in his ribcage, adrenaline hot and thrumming in his blood. He’d never felt so alive. He’d never been so certain of the inevitability of his own death. 

His arm began to ache, and something between a cough and sneeze tore at his throat and nose, and  _ where the bloody hell was Dumbledore _ —

Then it was all mercifully and incredibly over without any warning at all. Every last Death Eater vanished into the night without a trace, leaving Hogwarts and her inhabitants in confusion, chaos, and ruin. 

“Where the bloody hell did they all go?” 

“Language, Mister Weasley!” 

A choked guffaw sounded from Dora, whose back still pressed into his, but Remus silently agreed with Ron. The Death Eaters had vanished, every last one of them—

A single shriek sliced through the air, and every head snapped in the direction of the entrance. A beat of silence rippled in its wake, before a cacophony broken shrieks pain filtered into the room. Cold and ugly dread furled in his belly as Remus rushed to the door, the other’s hot on his heels.

* * *

Dumbledore was dead. 

Unbelievable and completely inconceivable and Remus was still reeling from the shock of a great many things. Dora was still in love with him, had publicly declared that love in the hospital wing; Fenrir had bitten Bill, but he’d been spared the curse of monthly transformations… 

But Dumbledore was dead. How could the world keep spinning? How in the name of Merlin could the sun go on rising and setting in the wake of the death of Albus Dumbledore? 

“Ahem.” 

A loud cough pulled him from his thoughts, and he blinked several times before realising Dora had found him in the grass around the Black Lake. Plopping down beside him without waiting for an invitation—or for him to turn her away—he shoved several locks of pink hair from her eyes as she gave him a long look. “I’m sorry for that emotional declaration of love in the hospital wing earlier.” 

He returned her look, lips curling in a crooked smile. “Are you though?”

“No, that was a lie,” she admitted, huffing and nudging his shoulder with hers. “I’m of the mindset I don’t have anything to apologise for in the hospital wing, especially knowing I finally have allies in this situation.” 

“Allies?” 

“Yes.” She nodded, pausing to steal a deep, shaky breath. “Look, Mum and Dad don’t know much, but they’ve seen enough with me back home to have opinions, and they’ve been incredibly supportive. They haven’t badgered or forced me to talk even though I’ve hardly slept at all over the last few months. And that’s not  _ all _ to do with you,” she added, looking down, picking at a patch of grass. “It’s hard having a Muggleborn and a blood-traitor for parents in these dark times, and for the first time in my life, I’m actually frightened of the future.” 

“Understandable,” he murmured, leaning his shoulder to rest against hers. “Do they… do they hate me for being part of the pain you’ve suffered this year?” 

“Surprisingly, no.” She gave a quick shake of her head, her hair swirling around her shoulders. “Believe it or not, my dad’s said he understands you a bit. He gets all the guilt of feeling you’re ruining someone’s chances for a proper future. He went through stages of that with Mum, and there is a war to keep us all a bit busy and distracted from complicated relationship dealings.” 

A lump formed in Remus’ throat and he found himself stroking his chin, unable to formulate any sort of response yet. “I’m sorry,” he tried, knowing the words were as inadequate as they were insufficient. 

Dora picked at the grass several silent moments more before floating her gaze back to him. “I believe you are. And maybe I’m crazy for pushing this still, but Remus.  _ Remus _ . Please, please,  _ please _ know how much I love you, and that’s enough for me. I don’t care about anything else, all the other details are just that: details to be worked through.” 

“You say that now,” he started, thumb tapping over his knee for  _ something _ to do. “And I think I could let myself believe you mean it; that you mean it for good, too.” 

“Can you? Enough to stop running?” She reached out, laying a hand over his, stilling his tapping. “It’d be easier if you didn’t feel the same; if you could have found me too clumsy and unattractive. Or lacking in competence, or decided we were incompatible—

Moony barked his protest: “ _ Never!” _

“Impossible,” Remus voiced aloud, Moony approving the interjection. “Whatever my actions may or may not have been, it was never you.” He rotated his hand, slotting his fingers through hers, giving a light squeeze. “Moony insisted you were his mate from the very first day. He natters on about your scent before every moon, and sings your praises with everything you do—large and small alike.” 

“Really? Well, that’s something at least.” She bit down on her lip, grey eyes misting over as she studied him, her gaze seemingly searching into his very soul. “And what about you? The man at constant war with the wolf? Was it an easy fall or one you fought against tooth and nail?” 

It was as natural as breathing to bring their joined hands to his lips and kiss her fingers. Softly. Tenderly. Eyes never leaving hers. “I very quickly found myself loving every little detail about you, and it’s easily been one of the most terrifyingly beautiful experiences of my life. You’re brilliant—” a kiss to a knuckle “—patient—” then the other “—endlessly kind and fair—” then the next “—independent and wonderful.” A final beat to pay homage to the inside of her wrist with his lips, as penance for all the pain he’d put them through—put  _ both _ of them through. “I’ve read and reread every letter you’ve written me to the point they’re all memorised by now.” 

Tears tracked down her cheeks as her jaw trembled. “Then… then  _ why _ , Remus?” A strangled sob tore from her and she brought her other hand to her face to swipe at her nose and tears. Remus closed the remaining gap between them, cuddling her to his chest as she cried into his shoulder, long and wracking sobs that ripped into him, shattering any final vestiges of an illusion that he’d been selfless and protective in his actions. 

“I’m sorry, darling. I’m so so sorry.” Tears leaked from his own eyes as he spoke, gently rocking them from side-to-side. “In case it wasn’t obvious enough by my half-arsed attempt at rebuttal in the hospital wing, I’m fucking scared.” 

A dark, watery laugh broke from her and she pulled away, shaking her head. “Thought you were supposed to be a Gryffindor.” 

“I’m very often a poor excuse of a representation of my House, love.” He twined his hand with hers again, bringing his other hand to cup her cheek, his thumb stroking away her remaining tears. “The whole truth of me is I’m not easy to love because I’m a walking contradiction of beliefs and actions more often than not. I’m thirteen years your senior with very little in this world I can offer you that will add value to your life, and one night of every month for the rest of our lives I will be a danger to you.” 

“ _ Our  _ lives…?” She sniffled but firmly held his gaze. 

“ _ Our lives!”  _ Moony cackled, leaping and bouncing into the air. 

Remus huffed, mind tripping and heart racing at the implications of what he’d just said, before deciding not to stray from his point. “Look, more than anything, Dora, I’m scared of the day you finally see me as I do, you’ll waltz out of my life without a second glance over your shoulder.” 

“Idiot.” She yanked her hand from his, and gripped his face, pulling his lips down to hers in a bruising kiss. A kiss of hurt and anguish, of passion and fire. A kiss that set his very magic ablaze, consuming and unyielding. When they broke for air, she kept him close, holding her forehead to his. “You’re a fucking idiot, Remus Lupin, and I hope you know what you’re getting into with me. I’m a Hufflepuff, and my love and loyalty once given are ride or die. I’m a for-life type of girl. It seems it’s up to you to decide if you’re a for-life bloke or not.” 

“ _ We are! We are, we ARE, WE ARE!” _

It was impossible to contrive a word of response to Moony’s agreeing yips. Chest heaving, mind racing, heart overwhelmed, he was helpless to do anything more than answer the call to her lips; pillow hers with his own, pouring himself into every nip, suck, caress, and moan. He held onto her as if tomorrow would never come, kissing her and kissing her, hoping against hope that love could find a way to be enough to break through the chains of fear still binding his heart. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I thought I'd go ahead and complete the story in light of world events. Love you all and thank you for taking the time to read this nonsense. With this chapter specifically, there isn't as much of a time jump. Thought I’d give these two a chance to breathe and have a wedding… and a wedding night… We start sometime between the funeral and the wedding day. 
> 
> Alpha love to LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist. The remainder of the chapters are unbeta'd and all errors you find are of my own making. Hope it's still readable. <3 Keep safe everyone.

* * *

Two figures cuddled together on a sofa. The witch was perched on her wizard’s lap, their legs were outstretched and tangled together. 

“ _ About damn time,”  _ Moony purred from his contended heap in the centre of Remus’ mind. 

Remus snorted and Dora lifted her head, giving him the softest of looks. “Moony have anything important to say?” she asked, tracing a fingertip delicately over the open palm of his hand. 

“He says it’s about damn time,” Remus answered, shivers shooting up his arm, skipping down his spine. “Suppose I can’t begrudge him any moments of smug satisfaction, all things considered.” 

“Course not.” She tilted her face up, pressing an upside down kiss to his jaw, her lips searing into his skin… Godric and all the Founders, Remus had missed this. Missed  _ her _ . “Moony’s every bit a part of you as all the combined subconscious thoughts and feelings of the rest of you.” Remus chewed on his lip, suppressing a frown, but didn’t interrupt or contradict as she continued: “You know we’ll have to tell Sirius before getting married, yeah?” 

“Indeed. It’s entirely possible the berk will be a dramatic twat about not being present for the blessed day.” 

She giggled, lacing her fingers through his, giving a light squeeze. “I’m counting on it, actually. But that simply can’t be helped.” She paused, sliding her socked-foot over his denim-clad shin, her expression turning sombre. 

Remus nudged her under her rib, nuzzling her hair with a cheek. “What is it, love?” 

Another heavily silent heartbeat passed, then another. Until her lips parted. “Does he know about…” She trailed off, unable to finish her question.   
  
“He knows.” He dropped a kiss to her bubble-gum pink hair. “Molly told Charlie who’s met with Sirius once already since the funeral. I hate how isolated he’s been with this mission. Maybe things have changed enough to discuss with Kingsley about him coming back? Maybe?” 

“That’d be good,” Dora hummed, leaning impossibly closer back into Remus. “Harry will like having him closer, too. And being able to communicate with him again on the regular, I’m sure.”

* * *

Remus was surprisingly nervous telling Sirius about his pending marriage, and as they huddled together in the cave, Remus’ thumb incessantly tapping over Dora’s where their fingers were twined.    
  
“It’ll be all right, you know?” she murmured, leaning up, and pressing her lips to his temple. She ran her fingers through the fringes of his hair, smiling, the greys and sapphires in her eyes iridescent in firelight. With a reassuring squeeze to his fingers she looked to Charlie. “Is there any particular reason we’ve lit a fire in the middle of summer? It’s broiling in this cave.” 

A snort blew from Remus’ nose as he shook his head at himself. Almost a year of off and on meetings with Sirius and it’d never occurred to him to ask about the fire when the weather had turned warm. Merlin, he loved his inquisitive and brilliant witch. 

“ _ Mate sooooooo clever, _ ” Moony crooned, the hearts in his eyes as plain as the stars in the sky. “ _ So so smart. And pretty. And perfect for us. Will be perfect  _ ** _fit_ ** _ for us too.”  _

Remus choked on his tongue at Moony’s innuendo, Charlie and Dora making faces at him, which he waved away, assuring them he was fine. 

“It’s the middle of the night and Sirius needs to see a bright light from a distance,” Charlie said, shrugging as he rubbed a hand over what he’d explained as an ‘unavoidable mishap’ with a baby dragon earlier that day. “The cave location always changes, some breeds of dragons don’t take well to magical lights. Don’t like the colour or can’t distinguish the difference between magic to make a light or magic to cause harm, so they simply attack.”

“Fair enough,” Dora conceded, her thumb now running up and down Remus’.

They said little else, sitting in contemplative silence until a large black dog entered the cave, transforming immediately. “How was the funeral?” he started, flopping down to the ground between Charlie and Remus, and gesturing between Remus and Dora. “I presume that’s part of what the two of you are doing here, correct?” 

“Not entirely,” Dora stated.

“Somewhat,” Remus simultaneously answered. 

“Merlin’s tits,” Sirius groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The two of you get it sorted out because I’ve news of my own to deliver, and everything feels like it’s all one giant clusterfuck. Dumbledore’s gone and buried, and Godric only knows how Harry’s taking it—” He jerked his face up, eyes boring into Remus “—which reminds me I’ve a letter for him because I’ve gone this long without being compromised, and I frankly don’t care about anything at the moment. I’m going to communicate with my godson, and you’ll get the letter to him, right?” 

“Course we will,” Dora assured him. “The funeral was sombre and solemn, as expected. Very well attended, too.. Madam Maxime attended as a representative from Beauxbatons, but didn’t see anyone from Drumstrang.” 

A scoff loosed itself from Sirius as he shoved his hair behind an ear. “No surprise there. They’re all too busy toeing the line between neutral and evil, or hiding how decidedly evil they are. Attending a funeral would have made too much of a statement, and by the way: I’m moving.” 

“How’s that?”

“Come again?” 

“To where?” 

Sirius lifted his palms, his lips tilting in a crooked smile. “My master has volunteered for an open position at Beauxbatons this year while a professor is out on maternity leave, and he wants to gather intel and search for allies for You-Know-Who in France.” 

“Makes sense,” Dora and Remus replied as one, sharing soft smiles before they looked back to Sirius. Dora asked, “Anything we can do to assist or lend support?” 

“Nothing I can think of at the moment.” Sirius shook his head, eyes dropping to the fire as leaned back, pressing his hands to the ground and stretching his back. “He’s all packed up and we’ll be settled in by the end of the week. I remember wizarding France pretty well still, and Padfoot has a penchant for getting into trouble and vanishing in search of food—really thick in the head, my master is. Not sure how he’s managed as a professor. You two are looking quite the cozy couple over there.” His eyes slid to Remus and Dora, fingers still threaded together, knees and thighs touching as they sat by the fire. 

“We are.” Dora’s declaration sang into the cave, echoing back to Remus’ heart, making Moony purr contentedly. “Actually, cousin, the main reason we’ve come in person is to tell you we’re getting married.” 

“You are!?”

“When??” 

“Where?!?” 

Cheeks all aflame, Remus looked from the two wizards to his fiance, then back to the agog wizard smiling so hard it threatened to split his face. “Tuesday next week.” He floated their joined hands to his lips, kissing Dora’s fingers, letting his breath tickle their skin as he continued: “It’ll be in Andromeda and Ted’s backyard. Kingsley will come and perform the bonding ceremony.” 

“This old romantic,” Dora chimed in, eyes twinkling at Remus, “offered to marry me right then and there after Dumbledore’s funeral. But Mum instilled in me the want for a proper dress when the occasion calls for it.” 

“Apologies still, love.” Remus gave a low chuckle, one that rumbled in his chest and had a beautiful darkening effect on the sapphire flecks in Dora’s eyes. His face drifted impossibly nearer to hers… His voice softened... “You more than deserve the dress and day.” 

“I know,” she hummed, eyelashes fluttering closed as her lips ghosted against his—

“STOP!” Sirius gave an exaggerated shuddering sound, that Remus knew was a bluff as he tossed a in their direction. “Happy as I am for the two of you—for all of  _ this _ —kindly refrain from such canoodling in public. Please and thank you.” 

Remus gave a dark chuckle, shifting back so Dora could lean into him with greater ease and comfort. These were happy moments, these hours in a cave by a fire with friends. And to share this with his witch,  _ his _ witch… Remus exhaled happily. Fleeting as this moment was, all things considered, it was happy. And balming to his soul. 

Until he observed Charlie rubbing at his wound again, eyes distant, deep shadows clinging to his face... 

“You all right, Charlie?” he queried. 

“Hmm? Oh…” The second-born Weasley bobbed his head once. Twice. “Yeah, yeah. S'alright.” 

“You sure?” Sirius tilted his head at Charlie, eyebrows raised. “You look like you haven’t slept in a week. Dragon poachers again?” 

“I wish.” Charlie sighed, dragging his hand down his face. “No, just… I got a funny letter from Hermione this week, like she was telling me goodbye or something. But without saying that outright.” 

Dora leaned forward, pink hair falling over one of her shoulders. “What makes you think that?” She was asking, but also not really; there was the Auror lilt in her voice. 

“Dunno.” Charlie rubbed at his arm again before yanking his hand through his hair. “Can’t put my finger on it, but she seemed very reflective; telling me she’s all the more grateful for last summer and the time spent here at the dragon reserve specifically. How happy she was her parents could meet me and it’s a memory she’ll cherish.” 

Moony pounced to the front of Remus’ mind. “ _ Pups are planning something. Plotting and planning and bad, bad, bad.”  _

Remus didn’t disagree. The adults sat without speaking for several long moments, exchanging looks and sighs. Dora’s hand broke free from Remus’ grasp, landing on his thigh, which she squeezed reassuringly.    
  
“Dumbledore told us to trust Harry no matter what. And we will.” She paused, licking her lips and brushing her hair behind her ear. “It could also be that Hermione’s processing the recent events a different way and making sure things don’t go unsaid. A lesson for all of us, if so.”

“Here, here.” Sirius threw a salute across the fire as the conversation drifted from the upcoming weddings and back to France…

Moony curling up and soaking up every peaceful, loving moment. “ _ Mate. Pack,”  _ he hummed, drifting off as Remus curled his arm around Dora, cuddling her as close to him as he could get away in the presence of company.

* * *

“Let’s have a shout and cheer, the best man is here!” 

The occupants of the Tonks' back lawn ceased exchanging pleasantries at once, heads snapping and eyes widening at the sight of Sirius Black in formal, tailored dress robes standing on the back porch, his hands up in the air, and admittedly, looking more dressed up than the groom. His long dark (slightly greying) hair had been combed back, a broad smile split his face in two, and he looked as healthy as ever—apparently living as a dog most of the time agreed with him. 

And then the wedding party burst with questions: 

“Sirius, what are you—?”

“ _ Padfoot’s here!”  _

“Is it safe for you to be—?” 

“Who authorised this—?”

“Does Andromeda—?”

SLAM! 

“Ah, there you are, Sirius!” All questions were silenced as Andromeda Tonks glided through the backdoor and across the lawn, pausing briefly to pat her cousin on the shoulder. She slipped her arm through her husbands’ and grinned back at the unexpected arrival. “Did you know Kreacher will still answer to me? He was a nasty old prig, but still baked everything I asked for. We have those silver and gold macarons he would make for the family New Year’s Eve soirées that you love, chocolate biscuits for Remus, the jam roly-poly for Nymphadora, lemon posset for Ted and I, and Kingsley’s favourite sherry as an alternative to the champagne.” 

Kingsley seemed to be the one to recover first: “I presume Sirius’ absence from his mission was approved by the appropriate channels?” 

“Certainly.” Andromeda tilted her chin, arching a brow. “Sirius came to me with a plan to attend his best friend marrying his second cousin in my garden, and I approved it. Shall we proceed with the ceremony now that all invited are present?” 

“Just a moment.” Remus moved to Sirius, his eyes stinging with welling tears. “It’s not safe for you to be here.” 

Sirius clapped his hand over Remus’ shoulder. “Couldn’t miss my brother’s wedding. Didn’t have time to find a present, though. The tailor’s shop had moved and I had the duce of a time getting these robes.” 

A thousand protests formed in his throat, but couldn’t move beyond the lump of emotion, and he could only shake his head. It was his bride who saved him, coming up, wrapping her arms around Sirius, holding him close. 

“We’re so happy you could make it to share in our joy,” she said. “You being here is present enough.” 

“You flatter me, cousin.” Sirius dropped a kiss to her forehead, eyes shining as he looked between them. “When it’s safe to do so, scamper over to Diagon at some point while you can and find several things that are pretty and impractical for your new home. I mean it, none of this practicality nonsense. Find the plushest and most opulent sofa available; just make sure you’ve enough support for all the devilishly wolfish activities you’ll get up to.” 

Remus groaned even as Moony bared his teeth in a feral smirk to match the one twisting up Sirius’ face. 

“And by the by, cousin, since I didn’t have the chance to give Moony here a proper stag night, you won’t mind if I steal him for a moment before the ceremony, will you?” 

“Take him.” She waved them away, backing away to join her parents and Kingsley, lifting a portion of her dress to keep from tripping over her long train...

...It didn’t bode well that Sirius still bore the shite-eating expression when his eyes trailed back to his friend. “Now then,” Sirius started, “it’s the wedding night. Remember to put her needs first—” 

“ _ End him! We already know that. Make mate howl and purr and _ —”

“We’re done here!” Remus exclaimed, turning and speaking more loudly than necessary, but he needed to drown the wolf’s voice out. 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Sirius grabbed his arm. “You know I'm just taking the mickey out of you.” 

Remus levelled him with a look. “Hardly the time or place, my friend.” 

“I know. I know. But you know my coping mechanism has always been humour in inappropriate moments.” Sirius gave a shrug and Remus answered with a placating chortle. Sirius bobbed his head and slid his hands in his pockets. “Right then, I was named James’ best man and Harry’s godfather, and I know that always made you feel just a bit slighted—and don’t even try to protest it. Padfoot could feel Moony’s ire every time he’d chase after Prongs... But you know you’d have been mine if I’d have had that chance, right?” 

“You’ll have the chance to prove that to me someday,” Remus retorted. “We’re all pulling through this, and you’ll finally have the time to find someone.” 

A wry smile as Sirius cleared his throat. “Look, the point I’m trying to make is that I hope you remember you deserve to be loved, too.” 

“I wouldn’t be—” 

“I’m not saying you don’t love her.” Sirius lifted a hand, his dark brows knitting together. “I’m just saying remember that both you  _ and _ Moony deserve to be loved and happy.”

“ _ Listen to Padfoot. Listen to pack. Mate loves  _ ** _us_ ** .” 

A lump formed in Remus’ throat, waves of emotions washed over him, too many emotions to catalogue, analyse, or name right now… Before he got married. “Sure.” He bobbed his head, giving a thick swallow. “I’ll do my best. Thank you, Sirius.”

“Anytime.” Sirius clapped him hard on the shoulder, voice booming as he turned with a sweeping flourish and called out, “The impromptu stag session has now concluded; who’s ready to see these two bonded for life?”

* * *

Remus had never allowed himself the luxury of considering what his wedding would look like. What it would  _ be _ like. James and Lily’s had been as close to perfect as he’d ever imagined one would be: all the finary, trimmings, bits and baubles, clothing, the incandescently bride and star-struck groom, with the eyes only for each other, and laughter filling the room. 

And yet, it all paled in comparison to today. 

Today with its simple decorations and small assortment of tea, champagne, sherry and peculiar assortment of desserts… With his best suit that still looked tattered and threadbare, especially in comparison to what literally everyone else in attendance wore… For the sheer modesty and everydayness of everything, this was a dream.

The most perfect dream Remus had ever had. 

It wasn’t possible he was standing at the front of a room with Sirius as his best man and Kingsley Shacklebolt to perform a bonding wedding ceremony. It was ridiculous that a piano tune so soft and haunting and achingly beautiful was playing overhead by magical gramophone. It was utter ridiculousness that  _ he _ was a groom, and that his hands were holding and being held by his beaming bride. 

Impossible,  _ and yet… _

It was true. All of it. 

Dora was standing tall and strong, squeezing his hands, and smiling at him so vivid and bright the sun itself would never outshine the memory of Dora’s face in this moment. The memory of how exquisite she looked, draped in tasteful white lace, her bubblegum pink hair fashioned in something that was pulled back from her face, while still draping around her shoulders. 

Kingsley voiced all the ancient words of the binding ceremony, waving his wand over them after the exchanging of the vows.

“ _ Mate,”  _ Moony hummed as their magic flourished and twined in gold and pink sparks overhead. “ _ Ours. Hers. Ours.  _ ** _Mate_ ** .” 

For once in his life, Remus was holding everything he could have ever dreamed of… He’d never known such luminous joy.

* * *

Wrong. 

He’d been incredibly and unbelievably  _ wrong _ earlier. 

_ This  _ was bliss.  _ This  _ was joy.  _ This _ was all he’d been dreaming and fantasised of and  _ more _ . 

His fingers curled around the soft skin of Dora’s naked waist and it was so. much.  _ more.  _

“Remus…” she breathed, arching into him, tilting her neck to allow him to dot a path of kisses down the slope of her neck, laving at the juncture of her neck and shoulder, then dipping down to the swell of her breasts...

Paying special attention to one with his mouth and tongue, bringing a hand to the other, determined to worship her to the fullest their first time together. 

“I love you, Dora.” He kept his face low to her core, revelling in the shivers coursing through his mate’s, his  _ wife’s _ , supple body. “Love you so much.” 

“Love you, too, darling,” she answered, voice husky, breath hitching as he continued to kiss a path down her core… Pausing when he reached his final destination, speechless at the feast of Dora waiting to be savoured… 

_ By him _ .  _ For him _ . 

With a groan his lips closed over her sex and man and werewolf were lost to the perfection sighs, moans, cries, prayerful curses, and names oathed in a tangle of limbs and love. Over and over and  _ over _ again. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me for this chapter...I'm so sorry... it's The Deathly Hallows and JKR's fault...   
Alpha love to LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist. The remainder of the chapters are unbeta'd and all errors you find are of my own making. Hope it's still readable. <3 Keep safe everyone.

* * *

“Everything’s gonna be fine, love.” 

_ “She’s right _ ,” Moony barked. “ _ Trust mate. Worry distracts _ .” 

Remus only wound his arms tighter around his wife’s waist, burying his nose in her bubblegum-pink hair, the corded muscles of his upper back still tense. _ _

Dora tried again, “I promise. No one will suspect we’ll be getting Harry while he’s still under the protection of his Lily’s blood sacrifice. We’re a whole four days before his birthday…” She lifted her face from his chest, brushing her lips over his jaw. “And even then, Dung’s idea with the Polyjuice is excellent. We’ll have Harry to the Burrow quick as a wink and be back home in time for some passionate adrenaline infused post-mission sex.” 

A chuckle broke from Remus’ chest as he dipped lower, slanting his lips over his wife’s. Kissing Dora and being kissed  _ by  _ her on the regular had become a saving grace, an emotional high he never wanted to recover from. And the sex…  _ well _ . Making love with Dora was transcending. The culmination of all things hot, needy, hard and fast… Or tender, slow, lavishing, savouring, and languishing. 

“ _ Mate _ ,” Moony purred, urging Remus’ tongue to dance over the seam of Dora’s lips. Pleading for an entrance, and maybe a quick shag over the table to settle werewolf’s and wizard’s nerves… 

Dora broke away, giving a soft laugh. “We’re gonna be late if you keep that up.” 

“Five minutes won’t hurt anything,” Remus sniffed, claiming her lips once more in a kiss that was unfortunately short. He lifted his brows in an attempt of innocence when she pulled away again. “ _ Two _ minutes more?” 

“Come on, you.” Her smile burst through the clouds of worry, warming away his fears. “The sooner we rendezvous with everyone, the sooner we can get home. And you’ll have all night to shag me senseless.” 

“ _ Like the sound of that!” _ Moony began barking loudly in rapid succession. “ _ Go! Help pup. Then home with mate.”  _

A secret smile pulled at the corners of Remus’ lips. One that he felt in his soul. 

Everything would be fine. 

* * *

Everything was most assuredly  _ not _ fine. 

“ _ Mate! Mate! Mate!” _ Moony was yowling as he paced in frantic circles.    


Remus was no better, George Weasley’s blood still warm and damp over his hands, his wand feeling as little more than an obsolete and useless tool if he couldn’t bloody use it to summon his wife to him  _ here and now _ . Before any sort of harm could come to her. 

He swore loudly, stomping up and down the length of the outside of the Burrow, his jacket billowing around his waist in the warm July evening air. Death Eaters. Hoards of them waiting to pounce the moment they’d left Harry’s home in Little Whinging. George’s ear cursed off, Molly weepy and worried, and now likely inconsolable for months on end. Harry’s owl hit with a spell and fell from the sky…

Dora was still _ no _ _t_ here...

“Buggering shite!” Remus yanked at his hair, glaring up at the half-moon, as if cursing her would absolve him of this sin of uselessness. Or perhaps she could transform him here and now, giving him power to scent her and run to her side. Pour all this frantic energy into action and actually be of  _ use _ and immediate help. Wherever she was. 

_ Whatever condition she was in…  _

“ _ Mate! _ ” Moony howled long and loud, inconsolable and presuming everyone a traitor until they proved otherwise. It was useless to track time; it all fell under the useless category of ‘too damn long’, unntil an eternity passed and Dora finally,  _ finally _ arrived. Moony rushed Remus through all remaining debriefings, eager to have his mate all to himself. 

It was near impossible for Remus to focus and everything felt useless and too little, too late in light of their losses. Moody gone, George injured. Harry almost caught. Peace was not to be found until the privacy of their home later that night, when Remus and Tonks sat tangled together in the corner armchair of their bedroom. 

“ _ Mate _ ,” Moony whined, a pitiful cry that tore at Remus’ heart.    
  
“I was so worried for you.” He hardly recognised his own voice; it seemed cracked beyond repair to his own ears. 

“I’m all right, love.” Her lips pressed against his as reached for the buttons of his shirt, freeing them from their holes, one by one. Her shirt followed as he pulled his arms from the sleeves, and she reached for him again, cupping his cheek with one hand, threading the fingers of her other through his hair. “You’re all right, too. We’re both safe. And we’re home.” 

“Home,” he parrotted, crashing his lips to hers, banding his arms around her waist, lifting them both from the chair. “Shower,” he breathed when she gave a protesting whimper. “Wanna wash everything of this night away and fuck you against the wall.” 

She moaned against his lips, working the buckle of his belt as he helped himself to rid her of her denims. Their clothes trailed a path to the shower where Remus took her against the wall under the spray of hot water, grunting into her neck as she cried his name...

His legs shook as he carried to their bed, feasting on her lips, her breasts, and sex until the cacophony of her pleasured sounds drowned out the panic thrumming of his heart… And his heart found the rest he so desperately chased after as he slipped in her once more, loving her long into the night. 

* * *

“Do you think we shouldn’t go?”

It was Dora who was asking this time, her brows furrowing together over worried grey eyes. Her dress was something of pale green and lace and beads, kissing the tops of her knees; her pink hair twisted back into a simple knot.

He slipped his arms around her waist, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Afraid Scrimgeour will crash a Weasley wedding he’s clearly not invited to? I hardly think even  _ he’s _ brave enough to face down the wrath of Molly for such a social faux-pa.” 

“Truth.” She angled her face, leaning up and kissing his lips lightly. “Sorry. I shouldn’t fret; I just have this feeling I can’t shake. More breakouts from Azkaban and more Death Eaters or sympathizers openly working in high power positions at the Ministry, and I’m just… hesitantly cautious by this point.”

“Better than naively optimistic.” Remus threaded his fingers through her hand pushing against her hip to spin her out, admiring the flair of her skirt, beaming smile, and the way a laugh so easily could be coaxed from her. 

Even in the midst of such bleak and seemingly hopeless times, her joy was infectious. He was a moth to her flame, a vine leaning and growing in the direction she shon. 

“ _ Ours,”  _ Moony crooned, utterly besotted as his wife twirled back to him, straightening his tie, and smothering her hands over the shoulders of his suit jacket.

She kissed his cheek and he would always be the simpleton lucky to be loved by such a witch. 

* * *

The ceremony happened; the firstborn of the Weasley family was married, and Molly’s brave mask crumbled as the couple shared their first kiss and husband and wife. Arthur could only sit and wrap a comforting arm around his blubbering wife. 

Fleur wore the Weasley family heirloom as had been promised to her, and looked every bit the vision all anticipated she would. Bill could hardly keep his eyes from her even as he was in conversation with former classmates. Remus stood nursing a drink, taking in the party while Dora was off enjoying female companionship, commanding the attention of those gathered around. He grinned in his drink as he watched her; she truly was all things bright and fun, the life of the party amidst a circle of giggling witches. Fleur’s laugh tinkled in the air, Ginny and Hermione’s squeals sounded equal parts scandalised and entertained.

Scanning the tent, Remus found Charlie by himself in a lonesome corner, hands in his pockets, blue gaze fixed in the direction of the collection of witches surrounding the bride. 

“Doing all right, mate?” Remus asked, joining his friend on the outskirts of the crowd. 

“Smashing,” Charlie answered, eyes still intent on one which in particular when observed from this angle… He licked his lips before muttering something Remus couldn’t catch under his breath, and swiping at the hair falling in his eyes. “Mum fussed over my hair last night, wanting to cut it again. I was tempted to tell her about the two tattoos I’ve gotten since Christmas just to get her to forget about my hair.” 

The wizards shared a laugh before Charlie looked down, nodding in the direction of Remus’ modest wedding band. “Congratulations, my friend. Did Sirius figure out a way to make it?” 

“Of course. I wouldn’t bet against him and Andromeda in anything.” Remus shook his head. “How are things in Romania?” 

“Difficult to say.” Charlie shrugged a shoulder, looking back to Hermione, who’d just thrown back her head, laughing and leaning into Ginny. Dora was sporting a wolf’s snout and teeth, and there was honestly no telling what she’d been telling the witches. Charlie’s voice lowered as he spoke again. “I can’t help but feel we’re all waiting for the one thing to happen to set horrible things in motion, though. You know?” 

“ _ Yes, _ ” Moony agreed, and Remus nodded in his ascent. 

Fear loomed as a cloud, casting a cold shadow over the celebration of the day. 

* * *

Remus woke to the sound of wrenching again. 

He blinked blearily into the dark room, focusing on a stream of light coming from the cracked bathroom door. Dora was gasping before heaving into the toilet again—

“ _ Mate! Help mate!” _

He shot out of the bed, snatching up his wand and conjuring a fluffy washcloth as he came up to the bathroom door. “Dora?” He knocked, peeking through the crack. “May I come in, love?” 

“Ugh. Enter at your own risk.” 

He did, promptly ignoring the nose curling odor coming in the direction of the toilet and setting the washcloth with cold water from the sink. He dropped to his knees behind her and lifted her hair, draping the rag around her neck… Then proceeded to rub wide gentle circles over her back. 

“Thanks.” Her voice was hoarse and groggy. She’d been so tired these past few days, so eager to simply lay and not be moved… He hasn’t worried about it the first two days, but  _ now _ … Combining it with the fact she’d lost interest in food, and this was now at least the fifth time he’d come to her like this in the bathroom…

Moony’s ears twitched. He blinked his gold eyes twice. “ _ What if she’s…? _ ”

Remus shoved that thought aside. It wasn’t… She  _ couldn’t... _

“ _ She  _ ** _could_ ** —”

“Sorry, love,” she murmured and Moony clamped his mouth shut. Her eyes fell shut, a heavy sigh falling from her lips. He deepened his ministrations over her back, and she leaned back into him, bringing the washcloth to her face. “Must be something wrong with those leftovers in the care package Molly sent us.” 

“ _ Denial.”  _

An inexplicable lump formed in Remus’ throat. “I’ve eaten those, too.” He sounded as a toad, cracked and pitchy. He tried in vain to swallow. “And even so... that was a few days ago now…” 

She gave a soft hum of ascent, tilting her head up, blinking twice at him. “Maybe… maybe it’s just a bug…?” 

Cold fear coiled in his gut, breath slow as another possibility slammed into him… Crashed into him, to be precise; as a storm against a rocky cliff. All the forces of nature intent on breaking the unbreakable. 

But Remus had never been unbreakable...

He cleared his throat, threading his fingers through her hair. “Or maybe we should thoroughly test all possibilities. Just to be sure.” 

“Okay.” 

His heart sank as she nodded and brought her hand to her jumper clad abdomen, patting it gently. 

It was answer enough for him and loud alarms sounded in Remus’s mind, blaring out Moony’s giddy yips. 

* * *

When it rained, it  _ poured _ . 

Metaphorically, of course. 

The Ministry had fallen a week ago. Muggleborns were already being rounded up. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had vanished without a trace, presumably together, but still everyone worried for them. No one had a hint of their whereabouts, not even Charlie had new insight to divulge.And now…  _ now… _

Dora was pregnant. 

_ Pregnant. _

And Death Eaters had broken through Ted and Andromeda’s wards just yesterday and— 

“I know it isn’t normal for a newly married bride to ask to move back home, but, Remus—”

“No, no.” He wound his arms around her waist, breathing in chocolate, sunshine, woods, fresh earth; willing the familiarity of her scent to calm the frenzy of his emotions… But there was something different in her scent now; something entirely new. A fresh entity all its own. Innocent and pure—and he’d cursed with his disease. With  _ his _ affliction… His heart clenched in his chest, squeezing all air from his lungs. “Of course you’re worried, love. Of course you want to be with them.” 

“ _ Don’t like this. No plotting and no running away, coward.” _

“Just Mum, actually.” Dora gave a hard swallow, one with such force of emotion he felt it through their shirts and jumpers. “Dad’s decided to go on the run before they start rounding up unregistered Muggleborns, and, and… oh,  _ Remus _ —”

Sobs tore from her throat and she nuzzled her face deeper into his chest. 

His heart raced, thudding mercilessly against his breastbone. He needed to think of something, to  _ say _ something.  _ Anything _ . “I’m worried for Harry, too,” he burst, almost wincing, but catching himself. It wasn’t  _ untrue _ , so he continued: “He, Ron, and Hermione. Sirius will want word on them soon. I was thinking I could start searching for them.” 

“ _ Liar. _ ” Moony snarled deep, an angry, feral, and fierce sound _ . _ One that shook Remus down to his marrow. He knew—he  _ knew!  _ “ ** _Do. Not. Leave. Mate.”_ ** _ _

“Of course you are.” Dora’s voice was gentle and affirming, even if still a little tinged with tears, and in that moment Remus hated himself more than he loved Dora. She heaved a deep breath, her chest rising against him, and said, “Sirius’ll go mad if he doesn’t have information soon. Of course you should look for him; I guess it was all too perfect to last forever.” 

She was right. 

It  _ had _ been too perfect. All just a dream. And the cruel hand of Fate had caught up to them at last. Demanding recompense for his selfishness. He’d cursed his unborn child; afflicting him and subjecting an innocent life to an existence of hardship and pain and fear. Of never fitting in. Of always worrying for others safety. 

“ _ Stop. Don’t. Pup will be fine. We keep Pup safe. Like Dora.”  _

Remus shook his head, shoving Moony aside as he dropped a kiss to his wife’s hair. “The only truly permanent truth is that nothing is permanent, love.” 

A watery laugh. A tighter grip around his taut, tense chest. “My love for you is forever, though.” 

“ _ Mate loves us. Don’t leave. Stay.” _

No words. It was impossible to formulate words of any sort for an answer. Anything to explain what he was going to do—what he  _ needed _ to do. For the safety of his wife and unborn child. For the sake of the rest of their lives… 

“I love you, too.” 

“ _ Liar. Coward.”  _

But he wasn’t, Remus reasoned to himself. If he loved her, he’d admit when it was time to do the selfless thing and let her go. To save her from himself. To spare her a life of more grief and hardship because of  _ him _ . 

As selfless as Ted going on the run so his wife would no longer be a target… 

Her only salvation could come with his leaving. 

He held her close until she left with her bag, explaining he’d start with Little Whinging and then try Grimmauld Place to search for Harry. Their kiss was brief, one Dora had given him more than a dozen times before leaving for work… 

One that never anticipated it would be the last. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the lines are taken directly from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I have skipped the scene in the book, because I wanted to focus on Remus in the aftermath. I feel some of Harry’s words will stick with him, though. Moony will be in italics with quotes, but the lines Remus remembers will be italicized without quotes. I’m also fully aware canon Remus thinks that Andromeda and Ted don’t approve of him, but I’m changing that, because I think they would have understood the complexities of a marriage like this (Ted being a Muggle-born and all).
> 
> Alpha love to LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist. The remainder of the chapters are unbeta'd and all errors you find are of my own making. Hope it's still readable. <3 Keep safe everyone.

* * *

Moony fumed and raged as he never had before, which was honestly saying something. A damn near impressive feat if Remus hadn’t been so caught up in the maelstrom of his emotions. He hissed and snarled as he stalked and stomped furious circles. “ ** _Coward. Coward. Coward._ ** _ ”  _

“I’m not!” he screamed into the lonely fortress of charms he’d cast over himself amidst a woven tangle of gnarled trees. His voice was raw from all the screaming and yelling he’d already done, his head throbbed from the patch of hair he’d managed to literally yank from his head. “It was… I only wanted to help.” 

“ ** _NO!_ ** _ Coward. You ran. Coward, coward, coward!”  _

“I’m not!!” 

“ _ Yes!” _

Remus crashed to his knees, his face raising back to the heavens as he screamed again. A broken, hollow howl to the unspeaking branches and limbs and clouds striping across blue sky. 

“ _ Deserter. Coward. Coward.”  _

“No!” One word. A single word he’d fought against his entire life. One that haunted his every good and selfless deed. “It was for Dora. For the baby. They’ll be… they’ll be better without me…” 

“ _ Will they??”  _

_ “ _ They… of course they would…” Remus greedily heaved deep lungfuls of air, the image of Hermione’s hurt eyes flashing in his mind.  _ But what about Tonks?  _ she’d asked. So innocent. As if it were that simple. 

Moony barked, flashing his sharp teeth. “ _ It is! Stay with mate. Stay with new pup.” _

Remus gave several furious shakes of his head, hands clenching until his knuckles were white hot. Hermione believed too much in the good to be done in the world. Even Harry couldn’t see… He was too blinded by his own past to see what James and Lily would  _ really _ have wanted. 

“ _ Do  _ ** _NOT_ ** _ use Prongs! Liar  _ ** _and_ ** _ coward. Prongs would say stay!” _

“You don’t know that!” Remus slammed his fists down over his legs.

“ _ I do.  _ ** _We _ ** _ do. Prongs stayed. He died for staying. Didn’t even have his wand!”  _

Fresh tears spilled from his eyes and Remus pitched forward, his face falling into his hands as he sank into the ground. Into the dirt. Because he was dirt. Lower than dirt. Moony was right. James hadn’t had his Invisibility Cloak to shield Harry and Lily. The reckless twat didn’t even think to summon his wand with a nonverbal command before facing Voldemort. He’d stayed and took a stand for his family…

Remus sobbed and sobbed, shame washing over him. Coward and liar—apt words for him. They always had been. Maybe they always would be; he could wallow and die here in the woods, a deserter who people would one day be ashamed to say they once called him friend. 

Or husband…

Or father… 

_ Oh, Merlin _ … What had he done? Through the anguished cries that still wracked his body, Harry's words flooded back to him:  _ My father died trying to protect my mother and me, and you reckon he’d tell you to abandon your kid to go on an adventure with us? _ Shite, what had he almost done? What had he almost allowed himself to become?  _ I think you’re feeling a bit of a daredevil _ , Harry’d also said. 

His shoulders shook as he cried into the dirt, his hands clenching around leaves and grass. He cried for shame at being confronted with what he’d been about to do—at what he’d  _ done _ .  How it’d taken a boy—a boy who’d lost so much—to shove the ugly truth of himself back at him. He cried until he was dry and empty, a hollow shell of a man, a wizard, a werewolf. Empty with no direction, or will to even look for direction… 

“ _ Stop! _ ” Moony snapped, his ears twitching, gold-eyes narrowed. “ _ Go back to mate. Return. Stay.”  _

“It's… it’s not that simple.” He lifted himself up from the ground, swiping at the dirt and small pebbles clinging to his face. “You just… you can’t possibly know if… Shite, it’s all a mess.” 

“ _ Yes _ .  _ But go back still _ .  _ Fix mess. We deserve pack and family. We  _ ** _deserve_ ** _ everything.”  _

A strangled, dark laugh cracked through the wind as Remus gave a weak shake of his head. “I’m not entirely certain of that, old boy.” 

“ ** _I. Am_ ** **.” ** Moony sat back on his haunches. “ _ I help you. Wolf makes you faster, stronger. Makes senses stronger. Higher pain tolerance for when Prongs and Padfoot liked playing rough. I push when you’re ready to quit. Wolf does all this.”  _

“But who’s to say I wouldn’t already have all that capacity in me without you?” 

“ _ You’ll never know. You can’t remember before me now.”  _

That… that was true, actually. And it was such a simple truth, but it made Remus stop. And ponder his reality. He truly  _ couldn’t _ remember before his wolf. He remembered the shame of his father and mother from the hospital in the aftermath of his attack. He remembered how they hid him and kept him from socialising too much in the beginning; until Mum had stepped in and demanded as normal a childhood for him as possible. 

He remembered the pride swelling in his chest when Dad had caught his first act of accidental magic; it’d been quickly piggybacked with fear for how he’d manage another thing in life to hide and control… He remembered the joy swelling from the deep recesses of his heart at receiving his Hogwarts letter from Professor Dumbledore himself. How the wizard would always be the hero of that lonely eleven-year-old boy for explaining there were options available for him to be at school before and during his transformations still… It had been his father’s vocal fear that had tainted the shiny glimmer of the moment…

“ _ Be better. _ ” Moony’s voice was calm and poised. Firm. A commanding alpha. “ _ Braver. Stay and help our pup. Do better than Dad.” _

“I… I don’t know how.” 

“ _ Ask _ .  _ Seek help. Try. Fail. Then try again. We deserve this.”  _

Remus breathed deep, stealing large gulps of air; expelling the old. The sludge and burden of fear he’d been carrying all these years. That he’d wasted in willingly taking up for decades…

“ _ No more,”  _ Moony insisted, his nose crinkling in soft sniffs. “ _ Trust mate. Trust  _ ** _us_ ** _ . We deserve life, too _ .” 

Inhale. And in with the new. 

_ I’m not saying you don’t love her,  _ Sirius had said _ . I’m just saying remember that both you and Moony deserve to be loved and happy.  _ Perhaps it was only his imagination that then and only then the sunshine burst through the canopy of clouds, leaves, limbs, and branches. Perhaps it was a trick of his mind that his head felt clearer, that the air was cleaner… That he could now hear the chittering and chirping of birds, squirrels, and rabbits with renewed clarity…

Or perhaps it was all true, and he had been set free to have a greater appreciation for the wolf that enabled these enhanced senses. 

It wouldn’t be easy. He’d spent decades hating and denying the wolf at nearly every opportune moment. It wasn’t as easy as casting a quick  _ Lumous _ or  _ Nox _ . But Moony had been right. Sirius was right. Even Harry was right. It’d been cowardly to run, and he’d been lying to himself all this time. A tosser and a fool to be deceived into believing he’d been noble or selfless in his ambitions. He needed to go back to Dora. Needed to stay. He was worth the effort for love. He and Dora— _ they _ ,  _ their marriage _ —were worth it. His child was worth a present father. 

Fate may continue to be cruel in all she doled out, but Remus would no longer accept it as a victim in Her grip. He would fight. He would  _ try _ . He would fail, and try again. 

He would be the master of his own destiny. 

He drug a hand through his hair, wincing as he made contact with that patch he’d yanked from earlier. A metaphor for life: there would always be consequences for actions, good or bad. And it was time Remus braved Dora and confessed his sins. 

Hoping on a whim and a prayer she’d forgive and trust him still. That he hadn’t fucked them up beyond repair. 

* * *

It’d taken every ounce of courage he could muster to knock on Andromeda and Ted’s front door, and yet… nothing in the world had ever felt so right. Save for when he’d married Dora. Or made love to her. Or cuddled with her on the couch. Or trained with her. Or— 

“Who’s there?” Andromeda called from within. Remus liked to hope her wand was always aimed and ready to strike if needed. 

_ Inhale _ . “Remus John Lupin, werewolf.”  _ Exhale.  _

“What happened to Sirius’ hair his third year? And who was the guilty party behind the prank?” 

“His drink was spiked with a colouring potion that turned his hair chartreuse for a week.” Remus smiled at the memory. “As I recall James Potter was the party that served detention for the crime, but the true culprit was Frank Longbottom, working in cooperation with you and little Narcissa.” A chortle sounded from the other side of the door as Remus pondered on his question. “What happened to James that one New Year’s Eve party he, Peter, and I had ever been allowed to attend at Grimmauld Place?”

“Salazar, he sprouted antlers at the dinner table because Peter and Sirius tampered with his pudding plate, and I thought Aunt Walla was going to spontaneously combust right then and there. It was the best family gathering I remember.” 

They were both laughing as Andromeda swung the door open, wrapping him in a large hug. “Congratulations,” she breathed, pulling him inside, closing the door behind them. “She’s out on the swing in the garden, hasn’t had a bout of nausea since this morning, but kept to tea and toast this for breakfast and lunch.” 

Guilt twisted in his gut. Andromeda’s greeting was normal enough, which meant Dora hadn’t said anything to her Mum. Or maybe she hadn’t known the extent of his plans—his  _ betrayal _ . Either way, it was imperative he see his wife. 

“ _ Yes, _ ” Moony hummed. “ _ Here. Home _ .  _ Home is with mate. Talk. Stay. ” _

“Thanks, Andromeda,” Remus answered, taking several steps down the hall before turning around. “Any news from Ted?”

“Not yet.” She shook her head, a brave smile quirking on her lips. “But it’s only been a couple of days. I’m sure I’ll hear something from him soon. Off to the garden with you now.” 

Every footstep was an eternity, an exercise in discipline and strength. But he could do it… He  _ would _ do it. Renew the old, redeem the present, and remain to reap the fruits of the future.

“ _ Daring. Nerve. Chivalry. We’re Gryffindor.”  _

“Thanks, old boy.” The back door clicked shut behind Remus as his gaze froze narrowed in on his wife. His precious, precious wife. Her legs dangled over the swing, her work books skimming lightly back-and-ground over the grass. Her hair had gone a funky combination of pink, mousy-brown, and turquoise, and she’d pulled one of his jumpers over what he recognised to be her yellow submarine t-shirt. “Hello, Dora,” he called, approaching the bench slowly. 

Cautiously. 

Her face lifted and he knew she knew. 

She  _ knew _ . 

_ She knew _ . 

The surprised widening of her sapphire-flecked grey eyes was proof enough. 

He stopped right in front of her, heart pounding in his ears. “May I sit?” 

“Not yet.” She pressed her lips into a thin line as she blinked at him, fingers knotting together over her lap. “Just so we’re on the same page, were you going to come back at all eventually? Or were you going to fake your own death if you made it through this and run off to live a life of isolation on the dragon reserve in Romania?” 

“I hadn’t thought it through yet,” he admitted. “I just believed I was doing you a great inservice and injustice if I stayed. That I was doing you more harm than good in being with you and our child for always.” 

She lifted her chin, eyes hard as steel, flashing. “I suppose I can share in some of the blame insofar as I failed to clarify when I’d see you again before you left.” 

“No.” He shook his head, dropping to his knees, reaching to take her hands in his, before stopping himself. “May I?” Moony and Remus hummed with relief when she gave a curt nod. Her hands remained limp in his, but he could hardly begrudge her that. It was enough she was allowing him this smallest of touches. “I know I would have had to have come back to you eventually. Considering how I convinced myself I’d stay away after Romania, but broke with the first of your letters I read at Christmas. I Apparated directly from my room at the Burrow to the edge of their wards, and then directly here for a single kiss from you.” 

“Then you left.” Her voice was soft, a fragile thing and her eyes lingered on their hands. “You kissed me and said it changes nothing and _ left.  _ Ten months of letters and a howler… and you still didn’t come back for me. And I don’t know that you would have, honestly. You didn’t see me again until Dumbledore requested you come to patrol the castle with us.” 

“ _ Mate…”  _ Moony whined and gave low, mournful howls, breaking Remus’ heart almost as much as her speech

“You’re right, Dora.” His voice cracked, and his eyes were once again filling with hot tears. “I don’t deserve to come back and ask you to forgive me again. I don’t deserve another chance after all I’ve put you through in the time I’ve spent loving you, but I’ll grovel at your feet everyday for the rest of my life, if you’ll just pl— 

“I don’t want you groveling at my feet, Remus!” She yanked her hands from his, and curled them around his neck yanking his face forward, crashing her lips to his. It was bruising and plundering, but there could never be any doubt in his mind again, any room for cowardly notions of  _ leaving _ again… She tore her lips from his with a gasp, eyes burning. “I love you, you twat.” 

_“She still loves us!_ _We love mate!”_ Moony’s tail wagged with such a frenzy his entire body shook. 

It seemed Remus needed several seconds of processing before fully grasping the exchange that had just occurred, though… 

“You love… Oh! I love you, too.” A shocked laugh sprang from his chest and he leaned back up to taste her again, but she pressed a finger to his lips, brushing her mouth over his forehead and turning her face to rest her cheek there. 

“I married you knowing full well how much you still loathe your inner self, Remus. I married you knowing that if we both made it through this war we’d probably have lots of everyday issues to work through together, but I didn’t care. I  _ still _ don’t care; I’ve grown up in a home where love has overcome a great many obstacles.” 

He nodded, kissing her finger, eyes never leaving hers. Her smile was the centre of his entire world as she traced her fingers up his jaw, tangling them in his hair. 

“What have you done here?” She brushed over the spot he’d pulled out a tuft of hair. He nuzzled into her touch as Moony curled into a ball, eager to be stroked and petted. It was shattering to notice the precise second her smile turned sad. “You beautiful, tortured soul.” She kissed the bare patch gently, stroking his cheek with her other hand. “Nothing is going to change how much I love you, you crazy berk, but you can’t do this again.” 

“I know.” 

“ _ We  _ ** _won’t_ ** **.”** Moony echoed with a commanding, booming bark that rang through Remus’ body. 

“I mean it.” She pulled away, gaze boring into his soul. “We’re going to face a lot as a couple and as parents, and I can’t be holding my breath at every milestone for you to be triggered into secretly leaving me.” 

“I won’t.” He laced his fingers through hers, bringing their hands to his lips, kissing her knuckles. Then the inside of her wrist. “I’ll always come back. No matter what this war brings, I’ll always come back, Dora. You’re the moon that transforms me from the inside out with your patient and unconditional love. And I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me.”

Tears pooled in her eyes, and he dropped one of her hands to cup her cheek, stroking his thumb over her cheekbone, catching her tears before they could stripe down her cheek. She sniffled and it was several long heartbeats before she could speak again, her voice watery. “You have to agree to talk to me.” 

_ “We will!” _

“I will.” He nodded. “Constantly. As much as you like and about anything you like—though, I was under the impression we talked a great deal already.” 

She shook her head, her pink hair tickling the outside of his wrist. “Not just about missions and training and old memories,” she said. “I mean  _ talk _ . For at least five minutes every night, you have to tell me how you’re feeling about the day, the war, Sirius, Harry, Charlie and his feelings for Hermione, fatherhood… any of it. All of it if you want. We’ll start with five uninterrupted minutes and go from there.” 

He bit down on his lip, chewing thoughtfully before giving two nods. “I can do that—I  _ will _ . I’ll endeavour to prepare things throughout the day to make this happen at night.” 

“Good. And you have to tell me how Moony is doing, too.” 

“ _ What? _ ” 

“Pardon??” Remus’ eyebrows shot into his hairline. 

Dora tapped her finger to his head. “Moony. Your wolf. I know it’ll sound crazy because he only comes out once a month, but I swear it’s like he’s actually alive in you, talking, and that you’re lost to this private conversation with him a quarter of the time.” 

A snort broke from Remus’ nose as he barked out a laugh, leaning his forehead to his witch’s. “You’ve really no idea, darling.” 

“I’d like to, though.” She titled his face, kissing him softly. And far too quickly. “Do you agree: for good and more talking?” 

“Agreed.” He sealed his vow with a kiss of his own, curling his fingers around her slight shoulders, mind already running to an exquisite place of picturing leaning her back as far as she could and settling between her thighs… His breath was harsh and raspy as he broke away, eyes dancing over her face. “For as long as you’ll have me, I’m yours.” 

“ _ Hers _ ,” Moony crooned. 

“Mine,” she purred, pulling his face back to hers, winding her arms around his shoulders, claiming his mouth in a kiss that plundered and conquered. Kisses that said echoed their vows right back to each other. 

_ I love you.  _

_ I’m yours and you’re mine.  _

_ I forgive you. I’m staying.  _

_ I’m scared. I need you.  _

Minutes, hours, or an age later, they were stumbling and fumbling back through the house and up the stairs to Dora’s childhood bedroom, each casting a series of locking and silencing charms before shedding layers of clothing and falling back onto the bed. And there they stayed until the sun dipped below the horizon and the stars twinkled in the inky-blue sky, and Dora’s stomach growled so loudly Remus insisted on making her a nighttime feast of a full English breakfast.

She promptly threw up into the toilet ten minutes after eating, but Remus was there with a washcloth. And there to wrap her in his embrace in bed another several minutes of cleaning and freshening up after that. 

Moony gave a contented hum as he curled himself into a corner, eager for sleep. 

“What is it?” Dora mumbled into Remus’ bare chest. 

“Just Moony.” He dropped a kiss to her hair, stroking her shoulder. “He’s happy to be home.” 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alpha love to LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist. The remainder of the chapters are unbeta'd and all errors you find are of my own making. Hope it's still readable. <3 Keep safe everyone.

* * *

Being married and living in his wife’s childhood home, being the doting stay-at-home husband—it was different from domestic life at Grimmauld Place. Surprisingly different.  _ Good _ different. 

“ _ Perfect different,”  _ Moony crooned as Remus pored over a tome entitled ‘ _ Obscure and Often Forgotten Runes.’ _

“Mmm, not sure about perfect, old boy,” Remus hummed aloud. “But an improvement on the whole, I would agree.” 

“Does talking to yourself help with the concentration? You do it quite often, Remus.” 

“Not necessarily,” Remus answered, pressing his finger to a spot on the page, looking up to Andromeda who was preparing the tea set for an afternoon pot. “Moony is highly opinionated and I’ve come to an agreement with him to just go along with audible conversation for the time being—learning to respect him and see his opinions as valid, too.” 

She tilted her head at him waving three saucers and cups to the tray. “Embracing the duality of your existence?” 

A light chuckle and shake of his head as he said, “Something to that effect I suppose.” 

“Learning to love himself wholly is more like it,” Dora amended, entering the kitchen, trailing a finger across Remus’ shoulders as she patted a hand over the slight swell of her abdomen. “And we’re very thankful for every little thing he does in that regard. And for all his time devoted to swotty research for our safety,” she added, tossing a wink over her shoulder. 

“Of course, of course— _ Accio  _ cake.” The pantry door flew open as a bundt tin flew to Andromeda’s hands. “Speaking of such, any luck from the collection I took from my family’s library all the way back in seventh year?” 

“Actually, I believe so.” Remus grasped the old tome with both hands, turning it so the pages pointed to the witches, though he wasn’t entirely certain why he did and felt silly for doing so for all of two seconds before Dora came back over to him, standing close and squinting at the page. She was smiling at him and a relieved exhale loosed from his chest. “It’s this set here, love,” he continued, laying the book down and pointing at a series of runes. “So, we hadn’t wanted to add blood magic into the wards yet because of Bellatrix, but if this incantation is added while performing the blood magic, it’ll forbid entrance of anyone with the intent of harm or ill will against any and all inhabitants of the home—permanent  _ and _ temporary.” 

Dora’s finger tapped over the page as she bent closer, muttering the runes to herself. “Is this the rune assigning the time parameters over ‘inhabitants of the home’? Why the need for that?” 

Remus scratched the scruff of his chin, shrugging his shoulder. “My guess would be that someone wanted to make sure someone couldn’t slip through wards and take or harm a guest of the family over afternoon tea.” 

“Cheeky,” his wife teased. 

“You love it,” he countered. 

“ _ She does!”  _

“Reminder that I’m in the room, too…” Andromeda called out, breaking whatever trance of a school fantasy of Remus’ may or may not have been settling over the kitchen.

The couple exchanged flushed chuckles, Dora looking back to the book first. “This is a brilliant find, love.” She dipped her head, kissing his temple and sifting her fingers through his hair in that way that made Moony purr and wag his tail like a puppy—clearly not concerned with further displays of affection in front of her mother. “I still can’t believe it was only Order wards protecting the house to begin with…” Her posture straightened, hand still buried in Remus’ hair. “Have we never had bloodward protections, Mum?” 

“Over our first flat, actually.” Andromeda lay her wand by the tea tray and laced her fingers together primly over her dress. Her lips were thin and tight as she stared at the stack of tomes, seemingly lost to whatever memories they held. “I believe that Mother loved me enough to  _ not _ actively call for harm against Ted, but Father…” She bit down on her lip, shaking her head and lifting her gaze to Dora’s. “He only had daughters when he wanted a son, and I never trusted the Lestranges. Rodolphus was mental enough as it was, but Rabastian fed his ego and they were an unpredictable and highly volatile combination.” 

Dora’s grey eyes narrowed. “Is what Remus is suggesting enough? D’you think dad would feel safe enough to come back?” 

“Maybe? Perhaps.” The kettle whistled and Andromeda turned around, pouring the water in the teapot. 

“Well, d’you think he’d at least try to come visit for Christmas?”

“Difficult to say. You know how he is,” Andromeda said, an expression of practiced calm on her face as she brought the tray to the table. “He’ll probably wait until ringing in the New Year for a visit, thinking anyone would suspect he’d show up around a holiday—you get that from him, actually. ” A soft smile seemed to tickle at the corner of her lips, but it was gone before Remus could say for sure. “We’ll get the wards all set and I’ll borrow Kingsley’s personal owl to send a message.” 

Dora beamed, leaning over brushing her lips over Remus’ cheek. “Love you,” she whispered before plopping into the seat beside him, summoning the cake to the table. 

A warm flush washed up Remus’ neck, reaching the tips of his ears as he set the old book aside. Yes, domesticity was much better this time around. 

* * *

_ This world is cold. The world is warm. And soft. And pliant. And taut. And silky. And _ —

“Remus.” 

_ And the voices are velvety fine, and someone is kissing his neck. Under his ear, and _ —

“Remus.” 

“Who? What?” Remus’s eyes shot open, breathing a startled gulp of cold air. “Wasshappening?” he mumbled, blinking several times to gain his bearings in the dark. “Did you hear something? Are you all right? Is it the baby?” 

“We’re fine, love. Just fine.” The lamp of his bedside table flicked on behind him, and his gaze was able to centre and focus on the golden smile furling up Dora’s face; the silver and sapphire sparkle of mischief in her eyes. “Just wanted to finally wish you a proper happy Christmas.” 

Moony hummed, now fully awake and aware of the situation. “ ** _Love_ ** _ the sound of this…”  _

“Dora… you don’t have to—”

“Shhhhh,” she crooned, placing a finger over his mouth, sitting up and tugging at his sleep pants. “I spent the last two Christmases dreaming of what it’d be like to ravish you in bed before presents and breakfast—” 

He hissed as she took hold of his member, stroking him until he was fully erect, pumping twice before trailing her hand down his thigh. She giggled as he growled at the removal of her touch. “And I fully intend on seeing that fantasy come to life… if that’s what you’d—”

“Bloody witch.” Remus rose from his pillow cupping her cheeks and slanting his lips over hers, snogging her long and deep before she broke away. 

“I love you,” she hushed, gentle and sweet. “Now lie back, Mr. Lupin, and let me have my wicked way with you this Christmas.” 

“As you wish, my dear.” His eyes held hers as he adjusted his pillow, helping her keep balanced as she swung her leg over his hips… and sank down on him… And,  _ Mother of Merlin,  _ had she not been wearing knickers under her sleep shirt when they went to bed?! 

“ _ Loooooove herrrrrr.”  _

Remus could do nothing more than agree as his wife rode him within an inch of his life that Christmas morning. 

* * *

“Ooooooffffff…” 

“ _ Mate! _ ” 

“Dora.” Remus’ arm stretched out on instinct, but he’d learned by now (at eight months into the pregnancy) to not  _ rush _ to her side at every back pain, back stretch, moan, groan, huff, and fit of cursing—for as much as his every instinct screamed at him. For as much as Moony yowled and snapped at him for staying put… 

His wife loosened a heavy breath, slowly— _ very _ slowly. “I’m all right,” she grunted, rubbing her lower back. “More of those insufferable pre-labour pains or whatever hippogriff shite the Healer tries to sell me—”

_ KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK! _

Everything stopped. 

Remus whipped out his wand, aiming for the door. 

Dora’s lips pulled into a tight line over her teeth, while Andromeda wrapped her arms around her daughter’s shoulders and pulled her further into the kitchen. 

“Andromeda, it’s Kingsley. Tonks? Remus?” 

“ _ Trick. Trap. Need proof.”  _

Remus’ eyes narrowed at the door, attack stance unwavering. “What happened in the Gryffindor common room before Christmas holiday fourth year?” 

“Sirius Black charmed every pillow and cushion in the room to fly and hit people in the face constantly. What nickname did Peeves attempt to give Minerva for a whole two weeks in our sixth year?” 

“Pretty kitty Minny.” Remus opened the backdoor with a sweeping flourish of his wand. 

Kingsley made his way up the hall, his footfalls heavy and jaw pulled tight. He passed Remus with a curt nod, not bothering to say anything as he rounded the corner. “Andromeda. Is there somewhere in private we could talk?”

“Why?” 

“That’s something that should be saved for in private, too.” 

Andromeda blinked at the wizard. “Whatever you have to share with me, you can share with the rest of the family.” 

Kingsley pursed his lips, looking to Remus and Dora, then back to Andromeda. “It’s about Ted,” he said, keeping his voice low. 

“No.” The witch moved to stand in front of her daughter, hand grasping a messy fistful of the fabric over her heart. 

“I’m so sorry.” He was poised and calm, nodding once. “I’m truly sorry to ask this of you, but I need you to come with me to the Ministry.” 

“The Ministry?” Her voice seemed to squeak and shatter all at once, and all the air drained from the room. Andromeda’s face had gone white as a sheet. “Not—” Her jaw quivered and Dora’s hands flew to her mother’s shoulders, curling around them protectively. Andromeda gulped three shaky breaths before trying again. “Not St. Mungo’s?” 

“I’m so, so sorry,” Kingsley repeated, shaking his head. “It’s protocol for the next of kin to identify the bodies, and—”

“THE HELL MUM IS GOING WITH YOU, KINGSLEY!” 

“Dora…” 

“ _ Mate!”  _

“Nymphadora Tonks!” 

All eyes now focused on the wide-eyed, severely pregnant witch with flaming red hair, wand out and pointed at her superior. 

“Tonks,” Kingsley tried, “you know it’s standard proced—” 

“I don’t give a flying fuck!” Dora stormed across the kitchen, dropping her wand and shoving a finger in his face. “That’s my mum and you’re not making her go and identify the body of her dead husband.” 

There it was. The horribly impossible truth. 

Because Ted Tonks couldn’t be gone. The man had just been here two-and-a-half months ago for a late Christmas celebration. It was inconceivable he’d not stumble through the door again. Or raise a toast to family and life over dinner. Or chat with Remus about books…

“Nymphadora. Sweetie.” 

“No, Mum.” Remus watched as his wife whirled around, her protruding abdomen brushing against Kingsley’s robes as she did. Tears choked her words, and Remus was suddenly at her side a second later, threading his fingers through hers. Dora shook her head fiercely. “You shouldn’t have to… It isn’t… It’s not fair for you to be the one—”

“And yet it’s my job, sweetie.” Andromeda stepped forward, cupping her daughter’s cheek,  her practiced mask of propriety slipping into place . “And you’re not to leave this house the rest of this day. I forbid it.” 

Dora snorted. Honest to Merlin snorted and it squeezed on Remus’s heart like a vice. His wife folded her arms over her chest, jutting out her chin. “You’ve hardly been in a position to forbid me to do anything for some time, Mother.” 

“ _ Warning!” _ Moony’s ears twitched as he snapped his jaw several times. “ _ Mate’s mad. Mate’s fuming.”  _

“Dora…” Remus started, dropping her hand, only to curl his fingers around her elbow. “Dora, please listen—” 

She whirled, hands slicing into the air, unshed tears collecting in her eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. “It’s my dad, Remus.  _ My _ .  _ Dad _ . I’m the Auror of the family. And… and Mum shouldn’t have to… She shouldn’t be the one to—to—” A sob choked out her voice, and she clapped her hand over her mouth, an anguished, wounded cry filling the house, ringing hollow in Remus’ chest. 

He gathered her in his arms, holding her as tight and close as possible. “I’ll keep her here,” he croaked, lifting his eyes to Kingsley first, then to Andromeda. “There’ll be tea waiting on you when you get back, and… and I’ll set out a Dreamless Sleep potion for you.” 

“Thank you, Remus.” Andromeda tenderly clutched her daughters’ hair, kissing her cheek before holding her arm out to Kingsley. “I trust you’ll keep me safe. I’ve a grandchild to meet next month.” 

Dora’s wracked sobs shook her whole body, drowning out Kingsley’s response. The wizards exchanged a sombre look before the Auror escorted Andromeda out the backdoor. 

While Remus stayed, comforting his wife. 

“ _ We stay for mate. _ ” 

Remus drew a sharp breath, holding Dora close as they sank to the kitchen floor. Crying for the Ted-less world their child would be born into. Crying for the war that seemed to never have an end. And for the daughter whose father would never come home to her again. 

“ _ We stay. We always return to mate and pup.”  _

A lump formed in his throat he continued to hold his wife, rocking her slowly… He didn’t respond that may not always be an option, or within their control… 

But sometimes it was better to leave the cruel, gruesome obvious unspoken. Sometimes actions spoke louder than words, and for now, Remus was right where he was meant to be. 

* * *

Remus blinked awake to the sound of a sharp breath and muttering that sounded something like counting. The morning sun streamed through gauzy cream-coloured curtains and Dora lay safe in bed beside him, counting. 

“ _ Counting!?”  _ Moony leapt up from his sleepy curled ball, standing at attention on all fours, nose crinkling as he sniffed the room.  _ “Counting?!”  _

“Dora,” Remus squeaked, rolling over to face his wife, tucking a lock of pink hair behind her ear. “You all right, love?” 

A long exhale. “I think…” Deep inhale. “Not sure… But I think I’m…” Another slow exhale. “I might be in labour.” 

“Merlin, what?!” 

“ _ PUP’S COMING!”  _

Remus bolted upright, throwing the covers aside and snatching up his robe. “How long?” he burst, making a buggering mess of the ties, fumbling to knot them several times before giving up altogether. “How far apart and how long and are you in any sort of pain right now and what the bloody hell could you possibly be laughing at right now?!” 

“You, darling.” Dora’s face scrunched with a breathy, tinkling laugh—that very quickly morphed into a pinched grimace. “Too many questions, and I— _ ahhhhhhhhhh! _ ” A deep inhale that Remus felt in his bones as he tumbled over beside her on the bed. She reached for his hand, squeezing tight. “Just… get Mum. Or summon the healer—” Long exhale. “—yourself. Just… be calm— _ OOWWW!”  _ Her fingers clamped impossibly harder around his and pain shot up his arm from her vice like grip.

“Are you all right?” 

Stupid question. He knew from the cold fire from her narrow gaze that had been a stupid question, but it was all he could really think to do or say. It wasn’t as if he’d come across a manual of comforting things to say to one’s spouse when in the midst of labour pains… 

“ _ Mate,”  _ Moony whined, scenting her pain and fear.

“Remus. Moony. Please listen.” She drew a stuttered lungful of air, blinking several times as she exhaled. “No. I’m not all right. Not at all.” Another pause for a breath. “But I’m under the impression that pain is normal before—” Three long breaths this time. “—before giving birth. Get Mum and get the bloody healer.  _ Now _ .” 

It was all he needed to hear to snap into action. Moony was somewhere between prancing and pacing circles in an effort to blow off excess energy. Andromeda was the definition of composure when Remus knocked on her door explaining Dora’s condition.

A healer with the Order, the one who’d been checking in on Dora over the last several months, arrived without any difficulty and set to work assessing Dora. 

“We still have some hours to go,” she said, looking about the room, rubbing her hands together. “Should we move you to a different room, or—” 

“Here’s fine,” Dora cut-in. “It’s the furthest room back upstairs and— _ OOWWW!”  _ She heaved a groan, hands fisting the bedsheets, her knuckles turning white with the effort. 

Useless. Helpless. Thoughtless. 

That’s what Remus was. He’d done this to her.  _ He _ had been the one to impregnate her and subject her to this miserable state of existence, and—

“Fuck, Mother.” Dora waved a hand furiously in Remus’ direction. “Give him something to do.  _ Now!” _

Remus was immediately tasked with assisting in clearing and cleaning the room in, and Remus this was one of those moments Remus knew he’d look back on and marvel at his wife. At how even in her state of intermittent, constant pain she was still looking out for him,  _ all  _ of him—both man and wolf. The task was completed far too quickly, and there was nothing left to do but wait. 

Wait and stand guard over the house. 

Andromeda started for the door, but Remus and Dora had already decided in advance it would be best for Moony to be occupied in the eternity between completed preparations and the baby’s arrival. Remus had been on constant watch, obsessively checking over the wards since Ted’s murder, then doubling his efforts in the week since Harry’s narrow escape at Malfoy Manor. 

A kiss to her lips, her cheek, then forehead before Remus excused himself. 

“Remus.” His fingers stilled over the doorknob, his body turning to face his wife. She offered him a smile, pained and weak, but a smile nonetheless. A ray of sunshine that beamed through him. “We’ll be all right. Promise.” 

“I know.” His throat bobbed as he squared his shoulders, and he gripped his wand with a white hot strength. 

“ _ Be prepared,”  _ Moony commanded. “ _ Protect mate. Protect pup. We stay.”  _

Remus returned her smile, blowing her a kiss. “I love you, Dora.” 

“Love you, too— _ ahhhhhhh!”  _

Andromeda and the healer huddled around Dora, as she worked through another contraction and Remus took that as his cue to leave now before Moony’s instincts took over and he forced the baby out with magic to keep his wife from further pain.

* * *

Hours and hours later and he was here.  _ Here. _

Remus’ son, his  _ son _ , he was right  _ here _ . Wrapped tight in a baby blanket Molly had knitted for him from the softest and finest of yarn. 

A baby.  _ His _ baby. 

Ten fingers. Ten toes. A little bald head. A button nose. Puckered pink lips. And a red tongue that seemed to be too large for his little mouth. 

Remus drew a shuddered breath, suddenly a little boy himself again. Boarding the Hogwarts Express for the very first time. Meeting someone new, and knowing instantly he’d be forever changed because of it.

“Hullo there, old bean. I’m your father.” Tears welled in his eyes as he beheld the tiny infant in his arms again. Staring into those vivid blue-grey eyes that he hoped would never darken and change. He wanted them full of bright, innocent light forever. “My name is Remus and I love you very much. I’m here to make sure the world is a better place for you, and to keep you safe when it’s not. I’m a werewolf, which means you’re always going to have one helluva protective father looking out for you; I apologise in advance for when it’s too much.

“Your mother’s name is Nymphadora, but she demands most everyone call Tonks. I call her Dora because the wolf—his name is Moony—thinks it’s prettier. And also because only your granny gets away with calling her by her full name. Granny is Andromeda. Your godfather is Harry Potter, and you have an Uncle Sirius, who also goes by Padfoot.” 

Tiny muscles twitched under that delicate cheek, making it look as though his son had just smiled at him. Remus held to the belief he did. That this tiny little boy already somehow knew how loved he was. How much fun he’d have with his family someday… 

He lifted a finger and traced the precious edges of his son’s face. “And you’re named Edward, old bean. Edward for your grandfather who was a brave, brave man, who loved his family. We’ll call you Teddy, though, for as long as you let us.” 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have come to the end. Just the epilogue after this, y’all. The quote is from The LotR trilogy, The Two Towers.  
Alpha love to LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist. The remainder of the chapters are unbeta'd and all errors you find are of my own making. Hope it's still readable. <3 Keep safe everyone.

* * *

The thing about babies was that sleep became all but nonexistent, and life before the entrance of such a precious being became a distant, fuzzy memory. Between feeding, crying, and changing nappies, Remus, Dora, and Andromeda existed in a hazy bubble, nearly oblivious to the fact an outside world existed beyond the walls and wards of the Tonks’ family home. 

The day of Teddy’s four-week-birthday,Remus and Andromeda had ventured to the garden for fresh air and to gather a small harvest of garlic bulbs, spring cabbage, and rhubarb. Dora was inside feeding Teddy and attempting to put him down for a kip after he’d managed to keep the house up with a night of restless fussing. In other words, all was normal, and there was nothing untoward or foreboding in the air or sunshine of the day to hint at the rippling of wards as Sirius crashed into a bed of cheerful, yellow daffodils. 

“Sirius!” 

The wizard scrambled to his feet, beating at dirt and crushed flowers over his trousers with one hand while shoving his hair out of his eyes. 

“Aberforth summoned us!” he started, leaping to avoid further damage to the patch. “They’re gathering at Hogwarts and Harry’s there.” His hair was wild, windblown and long, and a feral fire burned in his eyes. “It’s happening right here and now, and I can’t go into this without you.” 

Moony barked through several thoughts with a dizzying fury: “_ Mate stay. Protect Padfoot. Protect Prongs’ Pup. And home… Protect mate! Padfoot _—” 

“—Kiss your wife, or bring her with us, whatever you need to do and let’s go!” 

He was frozen in time, hearing everything Sirius said, while being as torn on the matter as Moony clearly was… 

He and Dora hadn’t discussed what he would do… They hadn’t planned… He hadn’t decided…

“REMUS!” If Sirius’ shout hadn’t been enough to shake Remus from his indecision, the physical action of a very forceful shake from one antsy Sirius Orion Black would have done the trick. Strong fingers dug into his upper arms. “This isn’t the same as before; you’re coming back.” 

“I may not… And Teddy—”

“—Will live in a better world because of the stand his father took!” The fingers dug harder, the voice became more frantic. “_ Please _. This isn’t the same as you trying to run before. I need you to know that.” 

“_ Padfoot’s right!” _

Blinding clarity burned in his mind, like the moment Dora’s wolf patronus first materialised before him. “Shite, _ Dora! _” Remus tore free from Sirius’ hold, sprinting to the house, calling over his shoulder: “Follow me, Sirius!” The hinges creaked as he slammed through the backdoor. “DORA!” Remus bellowed, his summons clanging through the house, desperation lancing through his being. “Dora! Love, I need—”

The sharp, shrill wail of an infant answered him first, followed by a crash of something upstairs. Loud footfalls pounded across the floor as Teddy continued to cry, but Dora threw open the bedroom door and rushed to the stairwell, her grey eyes wide as saucers. 

Moony paced and barked with a frenzied energy, angry that Teddy had been woken, and now mate wouldn’t be able to rest…!

“What’s—Sirius…” Her lips folded into a thin line and her throat bobbed as her gaze darted back and forth from Sirius to Remus several times. “It’s happening,” she said, gaze boring into Remus. “This… this is it.” 

She wasn’t asking him for confirmation. She wasn’t asking if he was leaving. 

She knew. 

And so did he. 

His throat bobbed with a hard swallow. “I love you so much.” 

“Remus John Lupin.” ‘_ Pop’. _ She vanished from the stairwell, reappearing with a startling ‘ _ pop’ _ right in front of him, her hands on his neck and cheeks, pulling him down to her as she crashed her lips into his. He sank his hands into her hair, weaving her silken locks through his as her tongue swept across the seam of his lips. 

It was a kiss of desperation, fear, and love. 

It was over too soon. 

Sirius was calling his name and Teddy was still crying, and breathing was unfortunately still essential to life…

Dora made to back away, but Remus held firm to the back of her head, leaning his forehead to hers. “_ You _ are my home. _ You _are my life. I’m not running away again.” 

“I know.” Her chest heaved against his, tears striped glistening tracks down her cheeks. “I love you.” 

“Remus, we’ve got. to. go.” Sirius yanked him away, which set Moony off into a fit of barks and yowls at being torn from his mate’s arms. Remus made an attempt at soothing the wolf as Sirius bound his cousin in a tight embrace. “We’ll be back before you know it.” With a kiss to her forehead he whirled and marched out the door, wrapping his arms around a waiting Andromeda. 

“_ Mate’s so beautiful _.” It shouldn’t have sounded as such a whimper, but it was. Remus’ gaze locked to Dora’s as Sirius took hold of his wrist, vanishing them from everything Remus loved and cherished. 

He hoped coming back to it would still be an option this time.

* * *

#  _ Let this be the hour when we draw swords together. Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath, now for ruin, and the red dawn... _

Remus had always loved Tolkien, and it seemed oddly fitting that some of the most important scenes of his life were punctuated with lines from the master of fantasy himself. Together with Sirius, he’d charged into a waiting battle from the Room of Requirement, wand at the ready. A cacophony of bright bursts of magic came at them from every direction as they advanced up the corridor. 

Muscle memory and instinct kept him alive and on the offensive in the first moments as he shook the cobwebs of sleep deprivation from his mind. 

Shield. _Bombarda. Confingo. Incarcerous._ _Petrificus Totalus. _

Run. Duck. Shield. 

Breathe—

“_HATE DUST!” _

A loud, obnoxious sneeze ripped from his chest, and Sirius made a face at him. “Thought you took a potion for all that starting in April.” 

“Yes, well—_ Levicorpus, Incarcerous! _ ” Self-satisfied pride coursed through his veins as the spells took hold and he sprinted to keep up with Sirius, bounding down the staircase with him. “Been a bit preoccupied this month, as you’re well aware, Uncle Padfoot— _ Petrificus Totalus! _” 

The spell landed right in the back, and a Death Eater fell to the ground in front of the staircase, leaving the wizards no choice but to jump over him before sprinting up the hall and around a corner. Sirius quickly gained a lead over Remus, and he was looking over his shoulder asking, “Any idea where Harry would be—_ Diprimo _!”

“AHHH! Padfoot!” A hole appeared where Sirius blasted the spell at the ground, two Death Eaters falling into it before they could catch up to Remus and Sirius, but unfortunately close enough to Remus that he dug deep for a heaving breath, throwing himself into a running leap. He clenched the muscles of his upper legs hard as he landed to keep from toppling over as he landed. “You always forget how big a hole that spell makes.” 

“Or I always remember that you’re more athletic than you look.” 

“I’m—_ Locomotor Mortis! Rictusempra! _ —plenty fit. Even if you’re still the faster runner— _ Stupefy! _” 

One, two Death Eaters dealt with while Sirius pivoted and fired a screaming series of stings and hexes to their left. A boyish laughter glinted in his eyes as he smirked over at Remus, who was bent over his legs to catch a quick breath. “Tickling charm? Really?” 

“It worked, didn’t it?” Remus shrugged. “And while we have a moment, perhaps you could share with me where we are running to?” 

“To find Harry,” Sirius answered, as if that should have been completely obvious. 

“All right.” Remus blinked twice, rubbing his nose in an effort to stifle the itch. “Is this the floor he’s on?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Do you know what he’s doing here?” 

“No.” 

“Do you know who he’s with?” 

“I presume Ron and Hermione, but I’ve really no idea.” 

“Do you have any information of use or value at all?” It was really all Remus could do to keep the ire from his tone and not through incredulous hands up into the air. 

“I do not,” Sirius answered, shaking his head. “But what I am doing is leading us to the forgotten staircase that branches off to the staircase near the Ravenclaw Common Room entrance, which is a more direct route down to the Great Hall where I presume there would be at least someone about who’s seen or knows something about Harry.” 

Godric, Remus hated when Sirius’ improvisations always worked out to be something brilliant. Hated and admired it all at once. “Lead the way then.” 

They were sprinting again, with Moony pacing as a predator on the prowl. 

* * *

“_ Stupefy! Reducto! Confringo!” _

Dolohov nimbly ducked, tucked, swerved, and whirled from Remus’ attacks. Moony barked protective physical commands for Remus to avoid all curses being hurled back at him, but exhaustion made sloppy work of his aim. 

Dark magic clashed against his shield and his magic began to waiver. 

“_ Do not waiver!” _ Moony snarled.

Remus sucked a sharp breath, beads of sweat sliding down his face. He thrust his wand, flinging a series of spells, his fervor wilting a little as each one missed their mark. Another blast crashed into his shield, and Remus _ felt _ when it cracked. Felt the spider webbing of his invisible wall of protection, and he worried—

“_ PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!” _

_ “Mate!!!” _

“_ INCARCEROUS! SILENCIO!” _ Dora roared, racing and launching herself at Remus as Dolohov, frozen and bound, fell to the large greystone floor. 

Remus banded his arms around Dora, drinking in her scent, nuzzling his nose in her hair. “You shouldn’t—”

“Shut it.” Her grip around him tightened, while her body arched into him as she pulled him in for a brief, but hard kiss. “Teddy has his granny. My place is at your side.” 

Moony hummed his ascent. “_ Love her…” _

She withdrew from his hold, keen gaze searching their surroundings, as the sounds of war boomed around them. “Where’s Sirius?” 

“We were looking for Harry when Dolohov and Lucius found us.” Remus pointed down the corridor. “Lucius is hopefully still bound back that way, and I was trying to keep this one—” he gestured back to the fallen, silent Death Eater fighting against his magical bindings, “—occupied while Sirius continued his search for Harry.” 

“Right.” She gave a curt nod, aiming a blast of magic at Dolohov, slamming him against the wall, effectively knocking him out. “Let’s go find more of them to take out so Harry can do whatever it is he’s come to do.” 

They were off in a flash for another staircase, fingers tangled together as they ran. 

* * *

“Padfoot!”

“Moony! Tonks!”

The three collapsed on each other, wrapping their arms around each other’s shoulders, heads pressing together, all other noises of their surroundings fading away. 

“_ Pack…” _ Moony whined, a choked but grateful sound. It seemed almost wrong to feel so grateful—so very, very lucky and happy to be alive. So very _ aware _ of one’s existence and the gift of loved ones still alive and well, too. 

The world could not be drowned out long though. A shrill shriek lanced through the Great Hall, startling the group apart. 

“No, no, no! ” 

Dora’s brows pinched as she looked for the outcry over the hum of organising survivors.

“F-Fred! My-my son!”

“Oh, no, Molly.” In an instant, she was on the tip toes of her feet, pressing her lips to Remus’ cheek. “I’ll be back. Or come to us when you’ve helped out.” 

“All right.” She had already turned around, but Remus snagged her fingers, whirling her around for a quick, desperate snog. “Love you,” he breathed over her lips when they broke apart. “We still haven’t found Harry, and—”

She silenced him with a chaste peck to his lips, as if she couldn’t help herself. “Say no more. I’ll be with the Weasley’s and see if Poppy needs some help here in a bit.” 

“All right.” 

Her answering smile before walking away shot right through him. It was one of those dazzling rays of sunshine she reserved from the world, saving to bestow only on him, and he found himself hoping it wouldn’t be the last time he’d see it. 

A large hand gripped his shoulder. “You wanna go with her?” Sirius asked. 

“_ Yes!” _

“Not yet.” Remus shook his head, in spite of Moony’s instistance otherwise. “It’d be good to find Harry. And keep him doing something incredibly stupid like give himself up.” 

“Yeah.” Sirius’ lips pressed into a thin line, his grey gaze searching the Great Hall. “Any idea where to begin?” 

Remus shook his head again, slipping the buttons of his sleeve from the buttonhole, taking the time available to roll his sleeves up his forearms. “I don’t see him with Ron and the rest of the Weasley’s. But, come to think of it, I don’t see Hermione either.” 

“Granger!” The lilt of hope in Sirius’ voice was enough to ignite a spark of hope in Remus’ chest. Sirius was already moving in the direction of the massive doors of the Great Hall, weaving around collecting pockets of students, professors, and Order members alike; Remus followed close on his heels. “Hermione? Hermione Granger? You there, have you seen Hermione Granger about anywhere?” 

The student who looked familiar, but Remus was unable to place by name, murmured she hadn’t and dropped her eyes, hugging herself as she slipped past the two wizards. 

Sirius was the picture of persistence, though, and pressed onward in his search, calling out Hermione’s name louder when they made it out to the Great Hall. 

“Hermione…? Hermione…?” 

“Charlie?!” 

“Hermione?!” They sprinted to the corner, rounded it—

And came to a sliding halt before they collided into the young witch with riotous curly hair. 

“Have either of you seen Charlie?” she asked, concern evident in her voice, brown eyes red-rimmed and brimming with unshed tears. 

“Is he not with his family in the Great Hall?” Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “Where’s Harry?” 

Hermione bit down on her lip, making a useless gesture beyond Remus and Sirius. “He’s using the Pensive in Professor Dumbledor’s—or Professor Sn—” She clamped her mouth shut, gnawing on her lip again as she swiped at her nose then eye. “He’s in the Headmaster’s office. And Charlie wasn’t with his family when I left Ron there. I’m getting worried.” 

“Where’d you last see him?” Remus quiered. 

“First floor, but I’ve no idea how long ago that was now, and… and.. I couldn’t find him in the Great Hall. And actually he arrived late with a group from Romania—I don’t even know if Molly and Arthur know he’s here…” She clapped her hand over her mouth, shoulders sagging, everything in her countenance wilting. 

Moony’s ears drooped now, his tail hanging limp. “_ Pack… _”

“None of that mourning, old boy,” Remus muttered, lifting his and thinking of Teddy home safe. Of Dora’s lips claiming his and settling between her thighs… “_ Expecto Patronum.” _His spectral wolf shimmered to life, ears at attention. “Find Charlie Weasley,” he said. “Ask him where he is.” 

“What if he can’t answer?” Hermione asked, words cracked and watery as the silver, white wolf bounded away. 

“One thing at a time, Hermione.” Sirius scuffed his shoe against the floor. “D’you think I should check on Harry?” 

“I’m sure he’ll find us when he’s ready. He always does.” The young witch offered an attempt of a reassuring smile, wringing her hands as they waited. And waited a little longer…

When a patronus in the form of a lion dropped in the middle of their wide circle and opened its mouth. “First floor,” Charlie’s voice spoke through the large feline. “Trapped under desks and chairs. Think maybe part of a wall too.” 

“Charlie!” Hermione shot between the two wizards, racing for the main staircase, not waiting to see if she was being followed; they _ were, _ but that seemed to go unnoticed as she reached the second floor, yelling the second-born Weasley’s name again and again.” 

“Hermione?! Fuck, love—in here!” 

Moony blinked his golden eyes, surprised for one of the few times in his life, leaving Remus to silently assure his wolf it had only been a matter of time, but there were more pressing matters at the moment. 

Matters like Charlie Weasley not exaggerating his situation at all. “Thank Merlin,” he croaked, jaw tight as he heaved a shuddered breath. “I think something’s happened to my wand and I can’t lift more than one of these damn boulders at a time, and—”

“_ Wingardium Leviosa!” _With a sweeping swish and jabbing flick of her wrist, Hermione was magically lifting every rock all at once; Remus and Sirius following with the chairs. Hermione wasted no time in casting a weightless charm over Charlie, lifting him and leaning him over her shoulder. 

There was something pure and completely lovely in watching young, untested love bloom before one’s very eyes. Moony whimpered, eager to assist Charlie downstairs if only to get back to Dora sooner. 

It was Sirius to remind them that Fate remained a cruel Mistress when he looked to Remus, dark brows knotted with concern. “D’you think I should check on Harry?” 

* * *

This was it. The final stand. 

Harry had been dead for several gut-wrenching, impossibly painful moments… Until shouts rippled through the crowds that he was alive. _ Alive _. How one person could defy death so many times, Remus would never know, but Sirius had barrelled after Harry, hurtling himself between Harry and any advancing Death Eaters. 

The Sword of Gryffindor had appeared to Neville out of the Sorting Hat and his former-student killed Voldemort’s snake. It was pandemonium unleashed in the wake of that.

Streams of blue, red, yellow, purple and green exploded about the Great Hall and courtyard. Fighters on both sides rallied, full of understanding. This was the end. No quarter, no surrender. 

Dora was on the other end of the Hall, magic crackling in the air as she fought alongside Molly Weasley. Remus threw a series of spells at Rookwood from behind his shield, binding and knocking the enemy out. 

He blew out a long breath, swiping at his brow, tapping into Moony. “You with me, old boy?”

“_ Always.” _

“Then let's be rid of this bloody war. Once and for all.” 

“_ Together? _”

“Together,” Remus vowed, an instant calm as he’d never known before cloaking around him, sinking down to his magical core. “For wrath and for ruin.” 

Throwing back his head, Moony howled his ascent; his eyes glittering dangerous gold as he surveyed the room. Power coursed through Remus—an energy and strength he’d only felt in wolf form on nights of the moon. But now…

_ Now _…

Stun. Shield. _ Expulso! _

Bursts of blue bloomed from the explosion where a cluster of Death Eaters huddled together, shooting off spells—their shouts and screams filling Remus with a feral satisfaction. 

Yaxley and Nott Sr. were encroaching on a group of Gryffindors. ‘_ Pop’. _ He Apparated himself in the space between the students and Death Eaters, acting as a human shield. “ _ Incarcerous. Petrificus Totalus.” _The two fell over and student’s loosed a combination of relieved gasps and shrieks. 

Moony’s ears twitched, detecting whimpers across the Great Hall over the clatter of open batter. “_ Fenrir’s pack.” _ Moony snarled, lips curling in dark delight. 

‘_ Pop.’ _ He appeared across the hall, delivering a hard blow to the werewolf’s ribs. “Run,” he barked to the students, eyes hard on the werewolf, lifting his wand. “ _ Sectumsempra, _” he breathed, magic cold and dark snaking from somewhere deep inside, up his arm… Tortured shrieks sliced through the air as the spell hit its mark in the dead centre of the werewolf’s chest. 

But there was no time to linger in feelings of morbid gratification. Magic gathered and sparked the air in an open area where Molly and Dora duelled Bellatrix, meanwhile the Lestrange brothers had found Sirius. 

“_ Padfoot!” _

He whirled on the spot, appearing with a ‘_ pop’ _beside Sirius. “In need of some assistance?” he smirked, casting his shield, shooting a leg locking charm at Rabastian, then a stunner. 

“Nonsense—_ Bombarda! Confringo! _” Sirius dropped to the ground as Remus whirled, narrowly missing a hex. 

“Ah, so you were handling this well enough on your own, then?” Remus threw another spell, dropping his shield in preparation for the final stroke against the Lestranges. He was power and stealth; he was the howling wind of death. 

They’d come for his own, his home, his past, and he was here to defend and make them pay—

Blinding pain sliced into his chest, like the force of a thousand lit fires ripping through his skin and slamming into his bones. Moony yowled in agony and a tortured shriek gurgled up from Remus’ chest. The pain blasted into him again, and again, and Remus knew this was how he would die. 

In agony, and alone, save for his wolf. 

There was the sensation of something large slamming into his head…

The world faded to black and Remus knew no more. 

* * *

“Ah-choo! Ah-choooo—_ owwwwww!” _

So, **_not_** dead, then. 

“Remus!” Warmth laced around his fingers—he still had feeling in his fingers, excellent. “Darling, you’re all right; I’m _ so _ sorry! I couldn’t get to you in time. Lestrange went mad when Molly killed Bellatrix, Rabastian started flinging curses in every direction to allow Rodolphus free reign to torture you, and I couldn’t—”

“Merlin’s sake, take a breath Nymphadora. You’re still recovering, too. And mind you don’t wake my grandson with such jerky movements.” 

Remus could clearly deduce that he was _ not _ dead based on several observations. First, that his wife and mother-in-law were speaking over him, and the last he knew, at least one of two had been safe and out of harm’s way. It was illogical he’d hear someone alive fussing over him if he was dead. Second, he was definitely also picking up on the loud snores of his son as he’d drifted off into a deep sleep. Third, the two previous facts made Moony curl with a purr of deep satisfaction, and somehow Remus knew Moony would hate death if it meant separation from his mate and pup. Fourth, he was keenly aware that his hand was being held, and he _ knew _ the hand that was holding his by touch memory alone. 

And fifth, his nose tickled and his throat itched with the irrepressible urge to— “AHH-CHOOOOOO!” 

“Gesundheit.” A breathy chuckle tickled his ears, tripping and tingling down his spine as Dora’s fingers squeezed around his. “Merlin, I’m so sorry I didn’t make it to you in time.” 

“Nonsense,” he huffed, his lungs very much protesting the effort necessary to continue speaking. “I’m here and you’re here, and… Sirius?” He cracked open one eye, then the other, blinking slowly several times before he lifted his eyes to take in the image of his wife holding their son in the crook of her arm. 

Her hair flashed from the faded yellow-brown it’d been to turquoise to pink, and it was only then that she began to smile. Weary and mournful, but a smile nonetheless. “Two beds over,” she said with a jerk of her chin. “Harry’s forcing him to take his potions now.” 

Remus nodded, shifting and moving to sit-up. Andromeda rose from her chair at his bedside, allowing him to lean on her as he delicately inched himself upright, his skin still tingling with the shocks of aftermath of an Unforgivable. “And Charlie?”

“An overnight in the hospital wing and he’ll be mended as though it never happened,” Andromeda answered, propping and fluffing his pillows, assisting Remus to sink back into them. “The young Miss Granger hasn’t left his side for a moment, while his sister goes between him and the rest of her family gathered around Fred’s body with food and tea.” 

All air rushed from his lungs as he remembered that Fred was gone. George would be without his twin for the rest of his life. Others had fallen, too, he knew. And others were more injured than he… had lost infinitely more than he had, and—

Teddy’s sudden splitting cry cut through his sorrow, reorienting his every instinct to soothe his son. 

But Dora was well on top of things there. 

“Oh no, no, no love.” Dora’ gentle cooes blanketed over Remus’ soul, wrapping Moony in a cocoon of contended calm. She hummed a few bars of a lullaby, swaying as she sank down on the mattress next to Remus. “Shhh, shhhh. Mummy’s here, love. Mummy and Daddy are here. And you’re all right, little Teddy. Everything’s going to be all right now.” 

Her words washed over Remus, sinking into his heart as he considered the world of loss, rubble, ruin, injury, and healing they now found themselves in. It would not be easy. But they were alive. 

_ Alive _. 

His wife leaned back into his chest, applying more pressure than could be sustainably tolerated much longer, but for now Remus marvelled at the miracle of it. He was sitting up in a bed, breathing and hearing his son’s cries with his own two ears. Dora had risked her own life to fight with him, and they were both somehow sitting together on the other side of this war. 

“_ Pack safe,” _ Moony sighed, tail lazily wagging, and Remus whole-heartedly concurred with the sentiment. 

Pack. Family. It made little difference. They were together and had each other. 

Whatever followed next was a gift. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end... Thank you all for reading <3   
Alpha love to LadyKenz347 and Frumpologist. The remainder of the chapters are unbeta'd and all errors you find are of my own making. Hope it's still readable. <3 Keep safe everyone.

* * *

_ 2 June _

_ My Dora, my wife, my mate, _

_ The past month has felt an eternity to me. Has it to you? Between the funerals and Teddy and consulting work Bill has brought me on for, I feel like I haven’t had a moment to catch my breath. You? I’ve missed our night talks. I know we’re both tired, but I miss it still. And the words haven’t been easy for me lately. Like it’s all too much, and I don’t even know where to begin to share it all. Is it like that for you?  _

_ I’ve been thinking how to remedy that and in addition to regulating how late I stay at work after the bank’s closed, regardless of the extra pay I get for overtime, I’m going to answer your letters. All ten months worth of them. And this first one doesn’t count, so an extra one for you, just because.  _

_ Thank you for forcing me to take the time for myself this afternoon and go help Harry and Sirius redecorate at Grimmauld. It’ll take some doing and lots will have to be done in stages. George has proposed looking into a silencing primer of sorts to brush over the Wallaburga’s painting to keep it silent. Even if it has to be reapplied on a daily basis, I’d throw money into investing in that potion. I’m sure you already know, but Harry’s put in his application for Auror training and I’ve never seen him so happy about something. Like an enormous weight has been lifted from him, and ready to plunge forward into whatever the rest of his life holds for him. I asked if this was really the profession he wanted and he said he’d never know until he tried. That’s the spirit I reckon.  _

_ Regarding the mission you assigned me of gathering intel on Hermione, it seems she’s in Australia for the time being. Apparently she cast a powerful and very specific memory charm on her parents, prompting them to move to Australia until after the war. She’s been consulting with Healers in Australia to help. Harry went with her initially and spent two weeks with her but came back to get settled in with Sirius and help with renovations before training starts.  _

_ It seems you were partially correct in your theories, because Charlie will be joining her next week for an undisclosed amount of time. Whether that’s because Harry would rather not think of it or he truly hasn’t the information, I don’t know. There you have it: he’s not wasting any more time now that the war’s over and she seems to reciprocate things.  _

_ Harry says she would probably really like to hear from you, and that Hermione’s always loved writing letters. We can take money from my next pay to purchase an owl if you’d like. Your mother’s mentioned considering reaching out to Narcissa, and I’ve never owned an owl. I think it could be a fun family endeavour. _

_ Ron’s tried to push pygmy puffs on us for Teddy, but I think we can wait a few years on that… Unless you want one immediately, of course. I don’t think we’ve ever talked about it, but we can have a house full of animals if you’d like. Our own garden, too. We haven’t even broached the subject of finding a new house of our own, not my fixed up cabin in the woods. And I’m suggesting we don’t for now. I vote we allow each other the time to mourn and grieve before we make decisions like moving. Andromeda doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to kick us out, and I know the extra help with Teddy has been good for the both of us. _

_ Maybe we should look into family trips in the coming months. Perhaps something by the sea with Andromeda and Teddy when he’s a little older and may enjoy the sand. And then something just the two of us later on. Like when he’s sleeping through the night.  _

_ Moony thinks you should know what made me snap and kiss you Christmas a year-and-a-half ago, and I agree that’s fair. I’d been talking with Harry outside at the Burrow, and made an offhand joke about something from  _ _ Lord of the Rings _ _ . It seemed Fate that the first letter I picked up from you that you quoted Tolkien, those lines in particular. You kept putting yourself in my life even when I’d run. Even the first days of moving in at Grimmauld. I’d find the rooms furthest back and most obscure to clean when possible, and you’d find me. Always.  _

_ I’m so glad I shall never be lost because I’ve found my home in you.  _

_ All my love,  _

_ Remus (and Moony) _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


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